He's moving on, I'm having a hard time - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-14-2012, 05:50 AM Thread Starter
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He's moving on, I'm having a hard time

I should start by saying the marriage has been in trouble for at least 10 of the last 35 years. Women's names and numbers, finding condoms, pornographic letters to I don't know who, taking cialis (not for me) and buying KY products (again not for me). Of course it's deny deny deny. Finally, I moved out after the new year and he never said a word except for when I screamed at him that he was losing the best thing he ever had and he answered "I know". Now in discussing divorce he goes along with everything and seems to just be happy. My guess is another woman but he knows his sons would disown him and I think that keeps him from telling the truth. I have seen a counselor because 2 years ago I had a mental breakdown (the marriage mostly). How do I forget the good times (and yes, there were a lot)? How do I adopt the same attitude he has and be happy about this? Still crying myself to sleep.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-14-2012, 07:20 AM
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Re: He's moving on, I'm having a hard time

It will take time. You are used to contact with him although it was toxic. It was not love, you must see that. He deserves what he will get now and it will not be what he expects. my suggestion is no contact so that you get past this. The best thing you can do is to emerse yourself in the richness of your family and friends.

In a year, you will wonder why you did not leave sooner. Don't beg him or let him see you upset. It will not make him feel regret. If you effect an indifferent attitude to match his and treat him with cool politeness that will confuse him. He will get the idea that he is not as lovable as he thinks if you can disconnect so easily. Keep that in mind when things become difficult.

He'll probaly continue to follow his junk around but now it will be without the comforts of house and home. He probably has visions of sex sex sex. But as a sex crazed old man, he is likely to run into women who will use him for what they can get. He may think he hit the jackpot but they will leave when they drain him dry. He will have an empty lonely existence. You will never know because he will put on a good face.

. Expose him to you family so that he cannot hide his perversion, and deceit. get a lawyer and get your share of the marital proceeds before the preditory women he runs into dip in.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-14-2012, 08:38 AM
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Re: He's moving on, I'm having a hard time

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-14-2012, 04:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He's moving on, I'm having a hard time

I do agree with all you say and you have confirmed so many things that I was thinking. Of course he told me I was crazy or imagining things. As far as exposing him to family and friends, I think they all have an inkling anyway. So for now, I'll let him bury himself. I know it will take time and I hope that time will erase the good memories so that they don't keep me clinging. Thank you so much for "getting" it.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-27-2012, 12:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: He's moving on, I'm having a hard time

I think I committed the cardinal sin and went and spoke with him today. In one breath he says he doesn't want a divorce and in the other he doesn't see it ever working out even with counseling. Still denies ever cheating. Says I have too many trust issues and I in turn told him he has too many honesty issue for me to trust him. I told him that he will pay for 1/2 the divorce and he said ok. That's it.
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