I'm not sure this is the right category to post this topic. I'm recently realizing I need to deal with codependency issues. Here's my recent thread re this: Husband's codependency with sister hurting marriage
I just want to post my process with it for potential support from others going through the same and trying to figure out how to be in/maintain a marriage at the same time. I believe my husband has it, but need to focus on my stuff since I have no control over what he does for himself.
I've been trying to be conscious of how I behave - for instance, not letting "resilience" be his "get out jail" card, as in the past. Therefore, I am allowing there to be considerable discomfort and disconnect for us, rather than trying to superficially "fix" it (be resilient) for his convenience and because being down is "icky" for me. So I'm down, down, down, but somehow alive and not as obsessive of his junk.
At church this morning, the topic was about being broken, and the tears just flowed, but I felt some peace and alone at the same time. Hubby left for a business trip while I was there and on non-speaking terms with me. This morning had been a dance of anger, denial and reactivity that I did not want to engage in. It just is a distraction from getting anywhere real. But he's gone, and it's me, my kids, my responsibilities, and feeling alone and disconnected. This is probably good and healthy for me to feel and not try to escape with the band-aids of the past.
Have any of you gone this path?