Originally Posted by bcjr212
Hi in new to this so i need some advice/ help ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years he cheated and lied to me for a long time, he found out one of the girls was pregnant an he told me didnt want her or the child. That was almost a year ago, ive had depression for about the last 3 1/2 years and all of this has just put me over the edge.
In the last month i found out he has been seeing the kid and the other girl. i was completely devastated and wanted to kill my self i tried taking pills drinking and just behaving reckless.
I Cant accept or cope with the fact that he has this child with someone other than me, since we were 15 we have been together and planned on getting married and having our own family.
He lied to me about doing the dna test and that broke my heart because he begged me to stay with him and promised that he would not do the test or see either of them ever. I am so lost and hurt an in so much pain because i am unable to get pregnant and this girl who meant nothing to him has his first born son, i feel like im watching someone elses life and that this cant be really happening to me, at the moment he has said he wont see the child or the women. I dont beleive him or trust him and i am stuck in this relationship i dont no how leave or what to do im affraid that my depression mixed with all of this is going to push me over edge, how am i supposed to live knowing the man i love has a child with someone else and that he wants that child in his and my life its like hes rubbing it in my face that i cant get pregnant. If you can help me in any way i would really appreciate it as i dont want to end up doing anything to my self.
I am sorry that you are here, I can feel the devestation in your post.
There are many issues here that I hear are major concerns for you:
1. You bf, has cheated on you with someone who has his child.
2. You are upset that you boyfriend continues to lie to you.
3. You feel betrayed that your husband has a child, who he is seeing with this other woman.
4. You are dealing with the fact that you are having trouble having children of your own and this has caused a lot of depression for you.
I would suggest you look at taking care of the issues you have control over first, before requesting anything from your boyfriend. Have you consulted with a doctor about this deep depression you are dealing with? That is the main concern you must deal with first and foremost. You have got to rid that feel like you are "on the edge". Basically the damage is done with regards to your boyfriend. You know he cheated and now you know he has a son which he is attempting to have a relationship with, that is out of your control. You must focus on things you can only control yourself.
I know you have been with this man for a long time, but is this situation/man something/someone you want to live/deal with the rest of your life? Your boyfriend has a son, and this son will be in his life now, and you should respect that he wants to have a relationship with him. But I understand that also means he will have a relationship with the person he cheated on you with. That is hard to swallow but this is your reality now, and you must make decisions based on this new reality.
Also, before you can even think about starting your own family, you need to work on your own issues with your husband. Quite frankly, you must accept his son, and accept his son will also be in your life if you you choose to want you boyfriend in your life still. These are major steps for you and I think it will take time to process these thoughts and come to a conclusion. After you come to your conclusion, the next step begins with boundaries for your boyfriend and the R process between you two.
Be thankful this guy is just a boyfriend and nothing legal is binding you two. You have the option of just walking away from the position he has put himself in if you choose that route. Take your time and best of luck!