05-10-2012, 06:19 AM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Henniker, the only one on Earth
| | Re: I need a miracle...
If he thinks you are boring then why has he stayed with you so long?
I think your relationship is abusive.
If he thinks you're not worth it then what is his pay-off for the relationship. In my opinion a relationship should leave you with a feeling of mutual concern, loving feelings even when you are not with each other, honesty and if there is any kind of problem, a desire and commitment to working through them together, respectfully.
Here's something I keep in my daytimer, it's taped onto the back page.
Results of verbal and emotional abuse, from the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness:
*A distrust of her spontaneity
*A loss of enthusiasm
*An uncertainty about how she is coming across
*A concern that something is wrong with her
*An inclination to reviewing incidents with the hopes of determining what went wrong
*a loss of self-confidence
*a growing self-doubt
*an internalized critical voice
*a concern that she isn't happier and ought to be
*an anxiety or fear of being crazy
*a sense that time is passing and she's missing something
*a desire not to be the way she is, e.g. "too sensitive" etc.
*a hesitancy to accept her perceptions
*a reluctance to come to conclusions
*a tendency to live in the future, e.g. "everything will be great when/after..."
*a desire to escape or run away
*a distrust of future relationships
I was once in an abusive relationship, actually more than once. Repeat offender. That's why I have these taped in my book. It doesn't apply just to intimate relationships, it can apply to work relationships, and just about any other relationship as well like with a neighbor, a 'friend', etc.
Then I was in a good relationship, and it felt good. Unfortunately my boyfriend had a brain hemorrhage but before he did I had the chance to really feel how a healthy relationship is. Once you feel that, nothing else is acceptable.
I went to individual therapy for an entire year. It took that much for me to leave a 5-year relationship and marriage. My ex-H was lying to me about the women in his life, but moreover was the emotional abuse and manipulation and gaslighting and power issues including sexual. When I think about how long I stayed in that relationship, I am ashamed...but then when I think about how difficult it was for me to find my way out of that relationship, and what my path was, after being in it for so long and jumping through hoops and believing all the garbage he fed me because I couldn't disprove it (but felt it emotionally, that it was wrong/untrue), I am really proud of myself. I left for the unknown. It was finally a better choice than the known. The known wasn't leading me to a place where I could continue to live. The life I was building on that path was something I could never feel okay with. It was such that I didn't want to invite my friends to be a part of it. Even I didn't want to be a part of it...and didn't want my children thinking it would be okay either.