I'm jealous of my husband's past life
Hi,I'm married with 3 times divorce husband for 1,5 years.
My husband treats me nicely overall, he's a loving and responsible husband. he got 2 daughters from his 1st marriage, 1 son from the 2nd and another son from his 3rd. and I have one son from my past relationship. this is my 1st marriage.
The problem starts with my jealousy over his exes and their children. the children live with each of their moms and they live far away. before marriage I told him that there's no way I would accept all his children, they're absolutely not my business. and he agreed.
I don't want to see all their names on his phone book list, I don't want to see or hear my husband talking to them on the phone with his children or his ex, No pictures of his children allowed in the house or even in his computer, I even don't want him to go and visit his children, because it looks like a family reunion to me.
And so far, he understands and follow the "rules".
one of his ex from the 1st marriage that I can't stand. She keeps calling him, text him almost everyday. Asking some money, or tell him that their daughter is sick, or even ask him when is he going to open a bank account I don't even know about, because he never told me. And it goes on till now.
I start to think like living a marriage inside marriage. I'm not comfortable with this situation, I want a family of my own and I don't like to share my husband, with anyone.
But it looks like my husband doesnt want to cut off his relationship with his ex wives. He tried so hard too keep them, change their names so I won't recognize them in his phone book list. he also still trying to contact them behind my back. So, he lies all the time. it frustrates me.
I try to analize myself what cause this.
Maybe it's because my son doesn't have a father. he left since I was pregnant.My son never met,hear or see his father till now.
And ever since, I hate to see a happy family or father children relationship. It's so unfair. My son has to work hard to get my husband's attention, while his own children can get all the love effortlessly. It breaks my heart.
I know, I'm wicked. I'm such a mean person. everybody even my mom judge me that. I try so hard to ease it down, but the harder I try, the stronger I'm jealous.
What should I do?