muttgirl

I am having problems with dep and anx with a h who has checked out of our relationship. We have been married a LONG time and he only shows emotion to say he is worried about me and doesnt notice he isnt active in our relationship anymore. I ask for time with him or to do activities together and there is no time. He works 10 hr days and has always been workaholic but we used to have dates or do go actiivties at least once a week. Now I just schedule big events on the calendar, check with him the week before, and go like a couple but not connected. Sex is out of the picture and he didnt think is was an issue except he did not want to go to the doctor about it. He is checked out and I talked to him and yelled at him and showed him articles on relationships and tried to engage him 10 diffferent ways to give me clues why we are so distant with the big message being "what is the big deal". Well, it is our relationship is a shell and I am doubting I can pretend to participate in it much longer. I still love the guy and wish he would wake up but he prefers to be distracted by his job or finances or league nights, anything but our wilting marriage. He will NOT go to conseling and we dont even have fun on vacation anymore. This is part of why I am depressed but the mood and sleep issues are aggravated by him and his absence. Any and all advice is welcome.

Mavash.

I suffer from depression and anxiety (fixed now). My first question to you is which came first? The depression or the checked out husband? In my case its a toss up.

The cure (for me) was to heal myself and to learn to be happy WITHOUT him. See the more I focused on HIM the more powerless I became. I couldn't change him but I could change me.

Another question do you yell a lot? I used to and that was a contributing factor in why my husband checked out. He was scared of me. He's in the happy wife happy life camp. The more depressed I was the more moody/checked out he became. He felt like a failure. These days I still struggle but I reassure him that this is MY problem not his.

This was a long process for me to fix my marriage. There are no quick fixes when there is the depression/checked out husband combo. It's complicated.