05-21-2012, 10:31 AM
Join Date: May 2012
| | How to deal with low self-esteem
I am 21 and its been 2 months since our wedding(arrange marriage) . My husband is 7 years older than me. We have lived together for about 1 month after marriage. After that he went back to Canada for work. We have been talking to each other for about 8 months.
Before wedding, we both were very excited to marry each other and it was like a dream come true. Both of us wanted to marry each other . We decided that on our first meeting only.(we used to talk over phone earlier for about 3 months).But sometimes I feel that I was too young to get married, too young to marry a guy who is 7 years older than me. He is a businessman and I find him very formal to me. He is fine with his cousins and friends but when it comes to me he seems like an uncle to me .
After the wedding was finalized, he started finding flaws in me , my family or anything related to me. "Your nose is big , your cheeks are chubby(though I am fit!) , you don't have a nice figure(girls at the gym wants to have figure like of mine), this is small, that is big. You have some gray hair. Your feet are big , your fingers are fat and so ....". only few days were left for the wedding , he told me that he is pressurized for the wedding by his parents. He doesn't want to marry me. I should talk to my parents about that. He made me feel low. But it got better and we married each other thinking things will get better after the wedding but....
Even now he makes me feel so low. Just because he lives in a better city and keeps on criticizing everything about the place where I live. We fight a lot because of these differences.
I wanted him to make some minor changes in our room but he was so stubborn and arrogant to do that.
I wanted to go before honeymoon right after the wedding but for him that is not important. He says we can go for honeymoon after a year or so.. what is the difference... But for me there is difference. Before wedding he promised me for Hawaii. but now he says he doesn't have time. He complains a lot. It was my mother and I only who arranged everything for the big fat wedding. It was very difficult for us to that without my dad. But everyone does praise the efforts we made. But for him that is nothing. He keeps on complaining that that was like that and that was not that. The wedding function was the best one in his family. Nobody had that kind of function earlier. On the wedding day too he was complaining that we didn't book the "good" and pay for the hotel room. I looked for the "good" hotel. It was booked so I got another one registered not paying the whole money because I was not sure If they will stay there.
Before wedding, it was our first valentine's day. I had so much planned for the day but it was like just another day for me. We were meeting after 2 months . I spent so much time looking for gifts and cards for him but for him nothing matters. I didn't expect anything big from him but I would have loved to know that he loves and cares for me.
I wanted to spend time on his birthday together (which was a week before) but he refused me saying that he is busy with work. (He can work from anywhere as his work is done online.)
he says that I behave like kinds. Birthdays, valentines are for kids. I feel so bad because I always wanted to enjoy with my husband like my friends do with their husbands.
After a long break from studies, I started going for classes. he was so annoyed. He wants me to do the course at home, learn using tutorials available online. But I am a beginner and I need somebody to guide me. He is intelligent, did the same course at home but he studied from a good college and his concepts are clear. But I am not that "intelligent" to do that by myself.
He doesn't want me to go gym and wants to do exercise at home only. I get so bored sitting at home all the day. I am not used to that. I go to gym to stay healthy, for a break and to keep my mood good.
I asked him for financial help but he refused and told me to ask money from my dad. I refused. Some days later he asked me to ask for it from his mother. I did and got the money but after crying for so many days.
After a fight I call him forgetting everything but he is still the same the way he was before. I love him, I respect him and I miss him. But he doesn't miss me.
I try to stay quiet when he is fighting but he thinks that I am quiet so he can speak anything he wants to. Anything, knowing that it would hurt me.
I am having frequent headaches and keep on thinking about all this all the day. It will take 4 months for me to get the visa of he country where he is living. I feel like I don't want to go. I am worried how will we stay together in one house. My self esteem has gone so low that I don't want to look myself in the mirror. I think of cutting my wrist sometimes. My behavior is changing. I am being rude to my parents and brother. I cry every minute. I find it hard to go to sleep. I feel so alone. I don't want to spend my whole life like this.. Please tell me the solution .