An Open Apology...

Po12345 · 06-09-2012, 03:25 PM

Not particularily, she is EXTREMELY detail oriented about herself, due to a very lose self esteem. She dated a very abusive guy when she was 18 years old, a user/abuser type, who wouldn't let her wear shorts, made comments about how ugly she was if she didn't wear makeup, or failed to shave her legs every day, or didn't offer up sex whenever HE wanted it. So now she spends a lot of time trying to make sure she's "presentable" before she's satisfied with herself.

I do everything I can to tell her how beautiful she is, even without makeup, without wearing 'perfect' clothing or hair, hell I tell her how beautiful she is when she isn't earing anything at all

But, it is hard to help her belief any of that when she's already so down on herself about her looks or self worth.

Runs like Dog · 06-09-2012, 06:51 PM

Any tics? I've come to learn a great deal about the nuances of Tourette's. Tics and OCD are kissing cousins.

Po12345 · 06-11-2012, 04:31 PM

No, no tics. She's not really OCD at all either, I'd be more OCD than she is. Like I said, this is more about me trying to fix myself than her.

Po12345 · 06-12-2012, 09:52 AM

Ups and downs, ups and downs... so here I am feeling sunk again today. I wish sometimes emotions could be turned off like a switch so I could just do the things I need to do daily and work on the anxiety later. I'm just tired of this roller coaster... "I feel good this day, I feel crappy this day". It is certainly not easy to get to a point in my life where I actually can let go of things I cannot control and in turn use that energy effectively working on those things that I CAN control.

At least I got the lawn mowed yesterday heh heh, put that off for like 2 weeks.

I have got to start cooking more meals at home, spending more time with our 2 kids outside playing, working out, etc. Things are honestly getting better, very very slowly. I've let go of everything that happened leading up to last year, I am trying harder to communicate more with my wife about things, but I know she and I both are using avoidance a lot to keep from getting into any sort of argument, and that's not good. Not as bad as it used to be but still not very productive.