My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years now. I am 30 and she is 29.
We have been with each other for ~14 years prior to this with a 2 year breakup in 2007 (where I saw other women, but she wasnt with other men).
Since being married we have found that there are major incompatibilities between us. She is the sort of person who would come home after work and sit and watch TV the whole night. Given the chance on the weekend she would either spend it at home watching TV or spend it with family (family gatherings/parties at her parents house, etc). During all these activities she would want to do them with me (eg. watch TV together, go visit my parents or her parents together).
Of course, she is also open to being with friends, vacations, impromptu outings, camping etc…
Generally she is a very easy going person and most people who meet her like her. The down side is she has no hobbies, interests, anything. Sure, she tried a few things out here and there, but recently (ie. the last 15 years) the one thing she did for the longest was Pilates classes and that was mainly when we were broken up, I guess as a time filler. This only lasted perhaps a year.
In short, she can become boring.
On the other hand. I am the sort of person who loves to keep myself busy and ‘do things’. For the past 5 years I’ve had 2 jobs. I am an engineer and also I teach engineering (part time). Only recently did I give up teaching only because I am now going back to university and needed the additional time. I am not possessed with work (I leave work on time, I don’t work back late, I never bring work home).
I have many, many hobbies. I go to gym to keep fit but also I surf and do wakeboarding (depending on the season). I also have a garage (man cave) where I am continually working on projects to further my knowledge. Projects include electronics work (PLCs, design and build circuitry, machines, robots etc..).
I ride motorbikes (but since sold it because my wife doesn’t like how dangerous they are. Fair enough) and own a boat. I buy motorbikes/boats that are in need of repair and do all mechanical work on it myself (eg. complete engine and gearbox rebuilds, etc). This is a great learning experience for me and I love the feeling of fixing things
I also got my scuba license and do dives where I can.
To add, I do plenty of labor work in the yard and am always active doing stuff for others or chores for us.
Plus, I like to read. Lots
Now, you can see the contrast between characters here. I knew that marrying my wife I would need to compromise and im certain she knew this also. In my opinion I feel we have compromised in the sense that during the evenings (after work) I rarely work on any of my projects and I stay indoors with my wife. She watches TV and I am on my laptop doing some of my person work (projects that I can work on if possible). On the off chance that my wife is late home from work or has somewhere else to be (without me) I very efficiently utilise that time to do something that doesn’t involve her so when she is back I can again be around her.
I have tried to get my wife to join me on things that I do but she has little to no interest in anything. To be fair, she has tried things with me but these things hardly ever last, and we always slide back to the norm.
I have also tried to be interested in what she likes (which admittedly I can count on one hand) and even then I find it hard to just sit down and watch TV (she watches shows like X Factor or Dancing With The Stars or any variety of mind numbing reality shows which serve to turn your brain in to a cabbage) or do nothing at all. When doing nothing I can go crazy. (for example. If I knew that the backyard fence needed to be fixed and I was just sitting doing nothing on a Sunday afternoon, I would eventually have to get up and get my tools out and fix the fence).
Having said the above, there are definitely times where I just chill out and nap or do nothing at all. But if I am not in the mood to relax, then I am in the mood to do ‘something’.
My wife hates that I am always doing something.
Now, our relationship has gotten to the point where my wife is “bored” (her words) with things.
She admits that her extra-curricular activities are severely lacking; and I admit that mine are too much. I think she is below the norm and I am above it and it is this contrast that is causing issues. We are both never going to change to the point where we can meet in the middle, the distance is just too far!
The clincher here is that I love her with all my heart and I know she loves me too. She is an absolute goddess in my eyes. She has an amazing heart and she cares so much for me. But I don’t think we are compatible and neither does she. I don’t believe we can live under the same roof without getting under each others skin. Are we crazy for trying to make this work?
We don’t have any kids yet and I would love to have children, but I am petrified of having any if I can’t live with my wife.
Has anyone been in a similar situation to me? Should we just ‘stick it out’ and see what happens?