aandksdad

Hi all, I am recently separated from my wife and children because of my mental health issues, I suffer from severe depression and have for years. We do talk a little and she says she is tired of trying to live with my mental health issues and the having to walk on egg shells all the time.
We have a 12yr old with autism who I have never had a connection with (may never now) and a 15yr old who thinks I am bulletproof.
I also have a very bad memory and cannot for the life of me remember being mean or aggressive to anyone other than to get my point across during a discussion with my oldest. I dont remember who was supposed to make the appointments for the marriage counseling, I thought she said she would do it but it was up to me and I blew it.
She has told me that its too late for marriage counseling now because she cant imagine ever wanting to sleep in the same bed much less have sex with me.
What I want to know is if someone else really thinks its over, I see that i am not a very good husband, or father, but is too little too late to change?

aandksdad

Sorry if ti seems all over the place but having a little trouble keeping a straight thought at the moment.

Chelle D

Never too late to fix things.

Sounds like you are already seperated & living apart. Now is the time to work on yourself. Make sure you are keeping frequent doctor visits & keeping your medication levels correct.

Start a good calendar, keep track of all your appointments, going ons... Get yourself back to a happy place. Then go back for her. Show her how you've improved.

aandksdad

That's what everyone keeps saying, and i am trying to work on myself. She has already put a restraining order on me and is filing for divorce. These two things have hurt more than anything and I am at a loss as to how to proceed. I guess for now working on myself and letting things go as they may is all I can do, doesn't make it any easier to accept.

Chelle D

Yes, it would be very hard to accept.

Even with you not being violent,.. just a one time yelling , "getting a point accross" to the kid... She could have used your depression to get a restraining order.
Ie- put a spin on it like, He's clinically depressed... could be a danger to himself or kids at any point... don't know when he'll crack.. etc, etc.

I know it does not seem fair. But I could see a divorce lawyer taking advantage of that. I do not know the other's side. Maybe you need to sit back and think.. Would my kids' describe me as an aggressive person, or a mean dad? Would they describe you as a happy go lucky dad.. (Ie, if an divorce judge brought them into a room alone without your wife, and asked their opinions.)

If you honestly think that they would not describe you has mean, aggressive, or at worst "troubled"... then don't worry about the restraining order, just try to accept that that is her way of keeping you back & letting you know she is not in favor of saving the marriage.

It seems more like you need to verbally reason things out (with a friend, relative, counselor,...etc) to to point that you can accept life without her. Seems like you will not be back with her, while the depression problems continue to be an issue.

I am not trying to depress you. I am hoping that you can see that your feeling better about yourself needs to come first. One step at a time is even hard to take sometimes. But believe me, if you keep trying to step forward & make things just a tiny bit better each step, then eventually you can look back and see how far you've come.

I don't think you need to be looking back yet though. Focus on those forward steps for a while. Good luck. & Know that you are worth it to be the best you can.. Both for yourself, and for your kids.

aandksdad

Thank you Chelle D, the truth can be hard to swallow but I will step away from her and just work on myself and let things with the wife progress the way she wants.

I have therapies scheduled to try and get through this. Just wanted another outside perspective from someone completely removed from the situation so that I could get an unbiased opinion, thank you again.

Chelle D

I'm sorry. I know it can hurt like hell. Separation is very hard.. especially if one is not in favor of it.

I wish I could give you a person to hug right now.