Pregnant and relationship anxiety.

Jenny2012 · 08-18-2012, 05:37 AM

Hello all,

I have been looking through this forum and it is kind of reassuring in a way to know that I am not alone, so many people suffer from anxiety.

For me it really started after we got married. I began to question my love for my husband and ruminate on my thoughts and panic about my thoughts.

I remember the specific time when this started happening and it was during a time which my mother visited and made some remarks about how i seemed unhappy and was my husband providing for me because i was not purchasing clothes in a store that she was buying clothes from.. This really upset me as it is so far from the truth yet I let it ruin a holiday we were going on as i was anxious and upset about it the whole holiday pretty much.

I have anxiety around my mother alot of it, as I never know what to expect what she will say and whether it will effect my marriage. The first christmas my husband ever visited my hometown I was trying to organise the house for his arrival etc and my brother and mother got into a massive fight screaming right when he was about to arrive, I had a panic attack and felt so out of control. I dont know why i am even bringing this up now but i suppose its just to show why i feel the way i do about my family.

A different brother was suicidal and affected severely by alcoholism and still is, we are very close and to see him like that and feel like there was nothing i could do really affected me. He is divorced 10 years he was married in america but is home now in ireland and has not gotten his life together..

I remember when it was really bad and the low feeling of depression that came over me i never experienced before, I told my husband I feel low this was over a year ago and i suppose i have gotten lows on and off since then, it all happened around the time of the stress of severe worry for my brother.

I started thinking why am i so consumed by worry for my brother am i hiding from somethng in my own life, am i really happy.

It is very hard as I really do love my husband so much, sometimes the closeness i feel to him scares me and i get worried that if i show my vunerability he will reject me.
I know this is untrue but the fear is there.

I went to a counsellor last week and i am trying to work through my fears and doubts because i dont want to ruin my marriage, i am also pregnant with our first child a baby boy and I am sooo happy about this yet these thoughts make me feel so guilty at times.

Life is just so hard at times, I know we are all a product of our families and writing this post i kind of see my anxiety maybe originated from my family and i am putting it all over to my relationship. I am aware it just doesnt stop the pain.

Thanks for any advice.
Lots of love.

EleGirl · 08-18-2012, 05:46 AM

It's good that you are in counseling. Hopefully you will learn to recognize things that you have no control over and let them go.

You cannot do anything about your brother. He is, sadly, who he is. He has to deal with his own struggles.

You need to let this part of him go and focus on your own life, your baby and your husband. Just keep focused on that.

Jenny2012 · 08-18-2012, 05:54 AM

thank you. counselling is really helping.

EleGirl · 08-18-2012, 06:00 AM

Good than keep at it.

I can understand how you feel about your brother. I have dealth with this sort of thing with poeple in my family as well. It's way too easy to get caught up in someone else's drama. I try very hard to avoid this now as I know that I cannot change them or save them. So I limit my exposure to those people who cause me distress.

More and more I'm learning to take care of me. No one else is going to take care of me so I guess that's where I need to focus.

Think of what the results of you over focusing on your brother will be.. the harm to your marriage. The most important thing you can do is to keep your marriage strong. It's your main priority because your child will need parents who love each other and who can be a strong foundation for his life to grow into the man you want to raise him to be.

YinPrincess · 08-18-2012, 06:05 AM

I don't know about counseling... I don't know how severe your anxiety was, but I have a good amount myself and counseling did NOT help me. I am now seeing a "therapist" who specializes in these kinds of things.

I have the same issues with my mother... And yes, it most likely starts there. My first two sessions with my therapist were about my childhood. My first counseling session revolved around whatever specific "goal" I wanted to achieve. The counselor obviously could not see that my stress and anxiety were symptoms of something much deeper.

It is good to start somewhere, though, and I hope this is stuff you're opening up about to your counselor.

As far as your family goes, unless everyone is on-board with family therapy, you will just have to let them be as they are.

How is your marriage with your husband?

Congrats on your coming arrival.

I was were you are now about a year ago. I know exactly how you're feeling... Nothing like a pregnancy to amp up anxieties and such. :/
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YinPrincess · 08-18-2012, 06:07 AM

Ele - You and I are always up so late.

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Jenny2012 · 08-18-2012, 06:17 AM

Hey there, I know what you are saying, I actually went to a phschotherapist before and I didnt find it great but that was just my feeling. My therapist at the moment focuses a more solution focused therapy to be honest going into my whole past doesnt seem to get me anywhere if you know what i mean, I already know what issues i have derived from family.

The thing is you will know what works for you, and if that does I would stick with it.

Thank you for the congrats we are very excited and yes I totally agree notihng like a pregnancy to wreak havoc with your head haha the hormones are something else.

My marriage is great bar my irrational anxiety but i know that it came from somewhere so maybe when we stop beating ourselves up about feeling the way we do we will get some relief,
I feel guilty and worthless in my marriage when i feel low, i feel guilty as i think my husband deserves so much more then me and i am inadaquate.

The counsellor told me that self esteem issues and lack of confidence are a big part of me having doubts. I read that actually on another thread a woman pretty much summed up everything i am going through it was very insightful.

I wish you both the best, thank you Elegirl, I have let go of my brother and other family members definitely when i got pregnant as my baby comes first, I think that letting go of family and origin and there issues definitely makes me feel more free and relieved when i was reading your post i felt that.

Its like you are just you and not with your issues.xxx

Jenny2012 · 08-18-2012, 06:21 AM

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/anxiety...ng-i-know.html

this is the thread the woman is Kahlan very insightful.