Hi all. First post here. I'll try to make it to the point.
My wife is a victim of childhood sexual abuse (her maternal granfather.) As a teen, she revealed this to he rparents who pretty much swept it under the rug and continued a relationship with this monster.
I became aware of her trauma a year or two into our relationship. We have been together 14 years and married for 8. She has always had some issues with trust and fear of vulnerability but largely things were good. Shortly after marriage things started to decline and during pregancy they really began to deteriorate. We are now hanging on by a thread. In her more lucid periods she tearfully apologizes for her anger, hostility and all the rest. When the depression takes a front seat anything and everything sets her off. Or she will be constantly overwhelmed and exhausted and shuts me out entirely.
The situation is so complex I could ramble on for hours. My questions are pretty simple:
How many of you are currently or have been married to a survivor of childhood sexual abuse/clinically depressed spouse?
Why did you stay/leave?
Am I kidding myself that she can "get better" with all these meds and therapy?
The whole idea of sexual abuse was very foreign to me before I met her. I just don't know if this is something a person can truly heal from or if she is "broken" permanently (as she sometimes tells me she is when she is having a breakdown episode.)
I would love to get some different perspectives on this situation. I used to think I could endure anything for her, but I'm nearing the end of my endurance. Particularly because of my pre-school daughter. She deserves better than a home filled with tension and hostility and I am far from my best while under this strain. I don't mind investing more, but I fear I may be ignoring the 800 lb gorilla in the room.
Thanks for reading.
My wife is a victim of childhood sexual abuse (her maternal granfather.) As a teen, she revealed this to he rparents who pretty much swept it under the rug and continued a relationship with this monster.
I became aware of her trauma a year or two into our relationship. We have been together 14 years and married for 8. She has always had some issues with trust and fear of vulnerability but largely things were good. Shortly after marriage things started to decline and during pregancy they really began to deteriorate. We are now hanging on by a thread. In her more lucid periods she tearfully apologizes for her anger, hostility and all the rest. When the depression takes a front seat anything and everything sets her off. Or she will be constantly overwhelmed and exhausted and shuts me out entirely.
The situation is so complex I could ramble on for hours. My questions are pretty simple:
How many of you are currently or have been married to a survivor of childhood sexual abuse/clinically depressed spouse?
Why did you stay/leave?
Am I kidding myself that she can "get better" with all these meds and therapy?
The whole idea of sexual abuse was very foreign to me before I met her. I just don't know if this is something a person can truly heal from or if she is "broken" permanently (as she sometimes tells me she is when she is having a breakdown episode.)
I would love to get some different perspectives on this situation. I used to think I could endure anything for her, but I'm nearing the end of my endurance. Particularly because of my pre-school daughter. She deserves better than a home filled with tension and hostility and I am far from my best while under this strain. I don't mind investing more, but I fear I may be ignoring the 800 lb gorilla in the room.
Thanks for reading.