Are you down with the BPD? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #16 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-14-2012, 09:20 AM
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

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I think many posters here get BPD mixed up with CBS (crazy b!tch syndrome)
Well they are alike. There is no cure for that either.

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post #17 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-14-2012, 09:27 AM
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

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Yep. I definitely can be described as a crazy ***** sometimes but it doesn't feel good: it feels out of control and hurtful.
I'm over that now. I can laugh at myself. I say I'm adoringly neurotic. However I have spent 4 years in therapy learning to just get through the day without wanting to run someone over so that helps. LOL
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post #18 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-14-2012, 09:30 AM
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

well the point I was making with my joke was that too many posters are too quick to leap to the BPD diagnosis after hearing a one sided account of someone's behavior.

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post #19 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-14-2012, 09:51 AM
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well the point I was making with my joke was that too many posters are too quick to leap to the BPD diagnosis after hearing a one sided account of someone's behavior.
So true. I have noticed this as well and honestly, it gets a little annoying.

Part of me thinks I "used" to be BPD, but given that they usually don't evolve into an awareness like Pidge, I'm skeptical of that now. I started changing my behaviors before therapy. Hell, even before I got married.

So maybe I'm just batsh!t. LoL!!
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post #20 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-14-2012, 09:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

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well the point I was making with my joke was that too many posters are too quick to leap to the BPD diagnosis after hearing a one sided account of someone's behavior.
I agree with you on the one sided point. To be fair though, BPD'ers are very manipulative. Even if we heard the other person's side, we still wouldn't know the truth. Unless we were observing the conditions inside the home would we even begin to see what an OP sees? Honestly, I don't know that I would immediately think someone was a fellow BPD'er or just a b!tch/azzhole.

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post #21 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-14-2012, 10:03 AM
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

For me the key is when I hear about their childhood. If they've had trauma that led to this type behavior then I think it makes it a high probability that they are in fact BPD. And sadly I don't think it takes much trauma to cause this either.
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post #22 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-14-2012, 10:06 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

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For me the key is when I hear about their childhood. If they've had trauma that led to this type behavior then I think it makes it a high probability that they are in fact BPD. And sadly I don't think it takes much trauma to cause this either.
Gotta love the childhood trauma. Thanks mom and dad!

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post #23 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-14-2012, 08:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

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The sensitivity of the borderline brain makes it difficult to deal with uncomfortable situations. Plus, once traumatized the brain has a hard time adjusting itself back (emotional dysregualtion). Theres tons of research on this which I've immersed myself in for the past year.
No doubt. Trying to "rewire" one's brain is an arduous process.

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post #24 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-15-2012, 12:07 PM
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

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No doubt. Trying to "rewire" one's brain is an arduous process.

this explains the scars!! you cracked your head open and had a peek

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post #25 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-15-2012, 12:15 PM
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

...dunno...practically every mental disorder has the same problem.* The disorders mostly don't seem to exist in a binary fashion - it is just a matter of setting a threshold on a continuous 'how crazy are you' variable for diagnostic purposes. (That said, true crazy usually seems to involve positive feedback - so breaking that feedback loop often helps more than you'd expect.) (For evidence, look at the changes in DSM V.)

I think there's some merit in being aware of your spouse's personality. (what crazy are they?) As personality disorders and autism don't respond much to drugs...a spouse is mostly limited to changing their own behavior to adapt to the their partner's crazy.

Even though there is a lot of merit to the 'healthy behavior is healthy behavior' thesis, there are a broad range of healthy behaviors - some of which will work better depending on your spouse's personality. So, yep, figuring out if your spouse has traits characteristic of BPD - whether or not they actually have the disorder - can be helpful. As an example, a BPD spouse may react very well to validation...while an autistic spouse may meltdown because you're using too many words.) My opinion is that reading a few books and trying stuff at random is likely to be more effective than focusing on any particular trait group.

Also, there's some merit in gauging how crazy your spouse is. For an extreme example, consider MOSIAC threat assessment. (Online test that estimates the odds that your spouse will kill you at any given time. One acquaintance took it...moved abruptly with no forwarding address.) Hopefully more practically, many people in poor R/S aren't particularly aware of 'normal', and getting a baseline is also handy.

...in terms of nature versus nuture...separated twin studies have given a decent answer...about 50%. In practice, most MRI studies I have seen are fairly ambiguous in terms of causality. It appears that the physical structure of the brain changes behavior and that behavior changes the physical structure of the brain. For those seeking to change themselves, it may be best to think of the glass as being half full. Hard work and discipline are likely to change your brain.

--Argyle
*In terms of over-diagnosis, I suspect that BPD-tendencies are overdiagnosed as BPD, but that they tend to be problematic enough that some treatment is a great thing. I suspect that diagnosable BPD/NPDs tend to be underdiagnosed. (I know some insanely hateful women who show all the BPD traits and who are undiagnosed in their 70s. Their daughters are similar.)

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post #26 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-15-2012, 04:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

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this explains the scars!! you cracked your head open and had a peek
You are a "funny" little turtle.......

My little brother died on April 18, 2015 after losing the fight to cancer. Please help me be able to bury him. My parents do not have the means to do so. http://www.gofundme.com/sd4ch9bk
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post #27 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-19-2012, 08:04 AM
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

I don't concern myself with someone's dx. What matters to me is how they can relate to me. Some folks make an effort to manage whatever their dx or emotional state is so that they can effectively and meaningfully relate to others. The experience of me plus the other person plus the environment we're in, is what matters to me, if that is a good thing, or leaves something to be desired.

Someone can have a trivial issue that causes really big problems...because they see it as trivial themselves and don't realize what a large effect it has on their relationship space...and someone can have a serious issue, that they manage very well, and thus have a great relationship space, whatever that is...friend, acquaintance, etc.

It's more about what they bring to the table, than what goes on in the kitchen.
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post #28 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-19-2012, 08:18 AM
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

My therapist said BPD needs to be diagnosed. She said I teetered on it but it was more for defense rather than a disorder. Which I did work through. She was a behavioral psychotherapist and specialized in behavior issues. lol. We did a lot of deep therapy and it was hard...and it sucked. But I got a grasp on myself and no longer express those BPD traits.

It's like at work, parents are always telling me their children are ADD or ADHD. Um...has a doctor said that? No? cause I bet they are just CHILDREN. Children are ADD by nature And hyper. Some people are just a-holes. There's not always a disorder/syndrome to blame.


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post #29 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-21-2012, 12:16 PM
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

...some things to be careful of...

In practice, 'personality disorders' are fairly squidgy. (Which is one reason DSM V is moving towards lumping them together.) So, something like 30% of BPDs have co-morbid NPD. It is probably clearer to think of someone as having a personality disorder with traits XYZ.

Also, in my experience (and the experience of a few others), high sensitivity autistic women can exhibit a lot of BPD traits. I suspect (but have no real basis) that a significant fraction of people with BPD diagnosis are at least mildly autistic and vice-versa. Something a lot of people don't realize is that about 30% of people diagnosed with autism are highly sensitive people. So, not like Spock. More like someone with a gag on their mouth, who sees everything in black and white, is out-of-touch with their emotions, has really high anxiety, and tends to meltdown and start hitting things when frustrated.

...eg...my wife was diagnosed BPD, but with extremely low empathy. And she can't multitask, has mild sensory overload, communication issues, and really odd ritualistic behavior as a child. Kind of a neurotic female version of Data from Star Trek. Or, Rudy Simone (Aspie author), who apparently was diagnosed bipolar and institutionalized for a while. Or, the lady from an Asperger's support groups who seriously resembles my wife and is also in DBT. Or Penelope Trunk (see blog.)

The bright side is that the same sort of therapy is recommended for both groups...more or less - so misdiagnosis probably doesn't matter that much. The dark side is that at least some of those people are confused by parts of the BPD diagnosis. (And sitting in group feeling nothing in common with 'those silly emotional women.') My wife, at least, has been making more rapid adjustments since she figured out the Aspie thing - and coping techniques for Aspie women have had noticeable effectiveness on some of our more stubborn issues. I dunno, but I suspect autistic traits might be somewhat common in women with BPD diagnoses - and some of those traits may be more easily addressed when people are aware of them.*

The characteristics I've noticed (relative to very peripheral observation of more 'typical' BPDs)...a strange innocence (Oh....aigh...I just realized that all those men I dated probably wanted to sleep with me.)...extreme unempathetic honesty...atypical female violence (jumping in front of a tractor...threatening policemen...baseball bats)...lengthy monologues...unreasonable fear of people (did I offend him?)...weird conversational patterns.

...I am very far from an expert...but I've found limited support for this guess in the medical literature. (One paper indicating that autism predisposed people to BPD-like traits. I take that with a grain of salt...publication pressure is so fierce nowadays that you can find a paper indicating practically anything.)

--Argyle
*Or, to put it another way, maybe some of our MCs would have been better able to control their temper's if they'd been aware that my wife was having genuine comprehension issues instead of faking misunderstanding to divert the conversation.
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post #30 of 218 (permalink) Old 11-21-2012, 01:24 PM
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Re: Are you down with the BPD?

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While the title is tongue in cheek, it seems there is a BPD phenomenon running rampant on this forum. Another poster and I spoke on the phone about this. While I have no doubt as to BPD being prevalent, it seems it is now the "en vogue" thing now.

So many people on here are so quick to diagnose their spouses with something to explain away irrational behavior. IMO, some people are just screwed up and by trying to label them with something you are trying to justify their bad behavior.

I suppose thinking your spouse has a personality disorder might help in some way but, ultimately the decision to stay and deal with such a person is up to you. Most BPD'ers will never seek the help they need nor will they ever be cured.

Not really expecting many responses on this post, just something that has been on my mind for awhile.
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