Re: Wife's depression is slowly killing me:
...yes. Kind of like grabbing onto a drowning person and hoping they will swim you to shore. Awfully lonely though - don't let yourself be isolated. So lonely sometimes.
It does help a bit to adjust your expectations. After 20 years, you know change is unlikely, and you know she doesn't have the emotional bandwidth to reach out to you. So, um, stop expecting anything else from her and find alternatives. There are support groups for the family of the mentally ill, albeit, too many at our last meeting expressed regret that their family members were still alive, so a bit depressing sometimes.