Unemployed husband and Iím depressed
My husband is caring and thoughtful. He makes me breakfast in the morning, cleans the house during the day, and makes dinner at night.
But I would give all that up if he would just get a jobÖ.
We have been married six and a half years. Everything was fine until about a year and a half ago, when he left his job because he didnít like a coworker. He took the summer off and returned to school in the fall Ė we had been planning that he return to school, once I finished and got a good job.
All was well. Then after the first semester he decided his chosen major was too hard, and switched. Remember, heís not working, and Iím paying for his tuition. This is fine, my salary is more than he was making, and though we donít have saving I want him to discover what he wants to do with his life. Then we buy a house, and I tell him he needs to get a part time job for us to afford it. He says he will.
He doesnít even look for a job. Second semester goes by, I try to be supportive. As and Bs, wow, you get a treat! Iím acting like heís my child, and heís fine with that.
Summer comes. I hate my job. There is a woman at my work that is making my life a living hell to get her jollies, and sheís my bosses boss and there is nothing I can do (really, nothing). I feel trapped, but the economy is crap and I canít get another job that would keep us paying the mortgage.
Depression kicks in. Mood swings, thoughts of suicide, self harm. Iíve had anxiety attaches for ten years, but its definitely worse. I feel like Iím back in puberty. And yes, I am on Zoloft. I need to get out of this job Ė I just need him to find something part time and I can at least pay the bills with a lower paying job. Meanwhile, heís cleaning the house and thinking heís a good husband for it, applying to one or two jobs a week (only things he thinks he would enjoy, of course).
Mood swings are awful; every other night Iím breaking down in tears, then getting angry with him. This makes him shut down, but I canít stopÖ when Iím feeling awful, heís there to help, and I lash out at him.
Four months out of school and he still doesnít have a job. Also he didnít apply for school next semester. What are his plans for the future? I ask, he doesnít know. He thinks it will ďall work out.Ē So tonight I told him if he doesnít get a job next week, Iím kicking him out. He left for three hours Ė I thought maybe he was wandering around looking for jobs, but no, he was sitting in the park ďthinking.Ē
In my mind, I think heís a spineless looser, but up front I try to be supportive. The problem is, he lived with his parents until he was 28, then moved straight in with me. I feel like he need s a dose of ďrealityĒ or heís always going to think things will ďjust happenĒ for him, and he wonít have to work at it.
He knows itís serious, but heís just worried that ďgetting a job is hard for himĒ and ďwhat if he canít do it.Ē I know heís smart enough, but what if he canít? I canít take any more of this.