08-20-2009, 06:16 PM
Join Date: Jan 2009
| | He's Going Blind
My husband was diagnosed with a syndrome that means that he will gradually lose his vision. He already has a very limited range of vision. Another part of his disability is partial deafness, which he has known about his whole life. He wears hearing aids.
He was diagnosed almost a year ago but he still seems to be in denial of his problem. I've been very loving and supportive but he's depressed, mean to me, sullen, doesn't want to do anything fun, and he won't sell his car (he's agreed that he shouldn't drive anymore and we need the cash).
I've begged him to go to the Braille Institute for counseling free of charge. He refuses to emotionally deal with his disability. Since he's had hearing aids since he was three, he's been treated like he's deaf or mentally handicapped at times (which he isn't, he's very intelligent) so I can see how his vision loss really comes as a kick to the balls.
I know that I can't truly relate to how he's feeling even though I know this is horrible for him. I feel that my patience is at its limit. He acts out, like taking his car for a ride when he gets angry at me. He makes me cry when he says cruel things to me.
When I try to talk to him about something concerning his disability, he asks me about how many resumes I've sent out. It's true that I'm unemployed but I consider this to be a temporary situation since the economy is lousy and I just graduated from college. I'm very sensitive about the fact that I don't have a job and he knows it. His mentioning my joblessness when I try to talk about his vision infuriates me because he's doing it just to get under my skin.
I don't know what to do anymore! I'm so unhappy with the way he's treating me. He was so affectionate before he found out about his vision loss and sometimes I see that side of him when he's in a good mood. Sometimes he tells me that he hates himself for how he treats me. I'm really confused. If he hates how he treats me, why doesn't he stop being so mean?
I've been thinking about divorcing him but that's a really big step and I'm not about to do it just yet. I can live with a disabled man but I don't think I can live with how cruel he is to me sometimes. I knew that he had something wrong with his vision before we were married but I didn't anticipate him becoming somebody totally different. I don't care if my husband can't see anything- I just want the man I fell in love with back!
If anybody can recommend resources to me as well as advice, I live in Orange County, CA.