hi all... i am new here. i found this place because i wanted a safe place to post my feeling with others that have similar feelings. i am in my late 20's and female. i am single, as in not married, but in a long term relationship for 7yrs. i have two and a half years college education and no kids. sounds nice huh? yet i am extremely depressed?
I'm a smart girl, and i am sure i can answer my own questions, however... it just feels good to be able to release tension and get stuff off my chest and see what other people have to say.
I have a boyfriend that i have lived with for 7yrs. he has been good to me for the most part, but there are a few problems that are becoming very difficult for me to live with...I do love my boyfriend, but i feel that in order for me to be healthy I need to leave him and move out...i just am not financially capable to make a move like this problem 1:
his parents(he is 30) they are very needy and controlling. he is an only child.
i have no peace from them at all. i am always very nice even though there are times when i shouldn't be...but when it comes down to not being homeless you have to suck up a lot.
they call all the time which is annoying...and show up at our door without notice...this happens at least once a day and they call everyday
my boyfriend does chores for them every weekend...so no weekend time
his parents are always getting him engaged in several financial obligation through them.
i feel that they don't really like me, yet put up with me...which is very disheartening. they get upset when i try to challenge them for time and get my boyfriend to take care of our chores which continue to just pile up and burden me at home.
his parents try to buy me stuff that i didn't ask for and don't want or need. then when i don't want it i get in trouble for "looking a gift horse in the mouth" and such other comments as "you don't like anything" Then since they bought me this stuff they think i need to do whatever they decide they want for this stuff in return.
i have tried the nice thing and i always say thank you even if i don't like or want just so i don't get the negative behavior from my boyfriend...but as i said above everything come with a price tag that involves me having to do something. which gets really old
my boyfriend and his parents make decisions without asking me or explaining the whole situation to me. i am forced to go along for whatever they decide...basically, i get the put up or shut up treatment.
my boyfriends dad is overly nice to me sometimes...which makes the problem of "mother bear syndrome" with the mom worse. I think he tries to compensate for the mom being rude at times. it is very frustrating to have to sit through dinners to be polite...when you want to puke...because the mother is being aloud to make discreet comments towards you about how you need to find a new job, your not taking enough credits in college, and on and on. This is allowed to go on by my boyfriend. I feel he should stop this behavior when it begins to happen immediately...if i were to stand up for myself even if i did it classy and tactfully...i think i would be dog piled and make things against me worse.
this is just the gist of problem one it gets worse...this stuff has been happening over 7yrs time. its causing severe emotional problems for me and making me look like the crazy person because i seem to be the only person that complains about the problem. problem 2:
my boyfriend holds things over my head and continues bringing them up. he cheap shots me. he seems to secretly hold certain things in resentment and all of a sudden pops them out at me when i least expect it or have the upper hand in a discussion that we are having. I know this is not just by accident and he refuses to apologize when i confront him on the pain he has just inflicted. I have always been one to forgive...so i do not understand this.