Pay off for not getting help? - Talk About Marriage
Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-06-2013, 10:32 AM Thread Starter
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Pay off for not getting help?

Do you know of anyone who has been diagnosed with a mental illness of any kind, who does not want help or want to take their meds? If so, why do you feel that is?

I would think a person would maybe want to feel better or get some kind of relief from feeling a certain way. And no I'm not saying ALL meds work for people, depending on what they have of course, but surely there would be something that could make them feel a little more at peace with whatever they have going on.

If they wouldn't do it for themselves at least for family or loved ones who have been through the ringer with a person with a mental illness. And yes I understand you can't help someone or make someone take their meds or get help if they don't want it, but my question is, why do you think that is? Do they get some kind of pay off or high from not getting help? Whether its from a form of talk therapy or medication?

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"When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-06-2013, 10:46 AM
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Re: Pay off for not getting help?

For some people, it might be that taking the meds is the final acceptance that there is something wrong with them. If they don't take meds, they can continue with some level of denial.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-06-2013, 11:19 AM
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Re: Pay off for not getting help?

For some people knowing there could be something wrong with them is to much to handle. So they continue to live their life in a fog of denial.

I can't speak for everyone but I can speak for a family member of mine. Her husband had been diagnosed with Bipolar and some other issues. He was prescribed meds. He wouldn't take them. His wife wanted him to get better, not just for himself but for the sanity of the family and their marriage. He knew this, he knew she was hurt and upset that he wouldn't take them. Weird thing was, once she had had enough and filed for divorce because she could no longer live with the damaging behavior, after the divorce was final, then and only then did he start to take his meds! He didn't beg her to come back he knew not to, she wouldn't have anyway, to much damage was done, but still, their marriage might have had a chance to be saved if he had done all along what he knew he should do.

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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-06-2013, 11:26 AM
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Re: Pay off for not getting help?

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Originally Posted by Starstarfish View Post
For some people, it might be that taking the meds is the final acceptance that there is something wrong with them. If they don't take meds, they can continue with some level of denial.
This is my first thought. My other thoughts include...

1) They've learned to be OK/happy with who they are, and change is scary for them.

2) They don't like the side-effects of their medication. The ones for anti-anxiety or anti-depressants can be quite significant, and if you're OK with who you are (see #1), then they're not worth it.

3) They don't see that they have a problem (see #1). Their spouse complains about them, so they go see someone. That someone prescribes something to "help" them. But if they don't think they have a problem, why bother with the help?

C
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-06-2013, 12:16 PM
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Re: Pay off for not getting help?

They may fear that meds or therapy could obliterate who they are.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-07-2013, 09:27 PM
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Re: Pay off for not getting help?

I've been diagnosed with anxiety, borderline and depression. Currently pregnant so refused to take any meds. I did take anti-depressant long before I got pregnant to the point that I think it didn't help anymore, that my situation also needed to change. I just quit. Plus, I didn't want to deal with the withdrawal symptoms etc so I tried not to be dependant on it.

I am still in denial, still blaming people for my problems. I don't like medicine but I would like a therapy. If only I could afford it..
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-08-2013, 09:30 AM
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Re: Pay off for not getting help?

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I am still in denial, still blaming people for my problems.
I think the part above plays a big role in why people don't seek help. Once they learn to stop blaming and understand their hand in things, then they may seek out some help.

damsel, thanks for sharing your story. At least you have admitted what you know what you're still doing and needs working on, and are willing to try therapy. Some places have local mental health clinics where counseling is sometimes free or offered at a cheaper rate, you might could check into that.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-08-2013, 09:34 AM
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Re: Pay off for not getting help?

I'm diagnosed with all sorts of things. I refused meds because the side affects were worse than the symptoms I was trying to treat.

I did seek help in other places but most don't because quite honestly it's not fast enough. We live in a fast food society and people get annoyed when they can't feel better in a few hours. Very few are willing to put in the work it takes to heal without meds.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-08-2013, 03:05 PM
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Re: Pay off for not getting help?

Like everyone else, I think there are many reasons. They may not think that anything, meds or therapy, will actually work for them.

Change is very hard. The devil that they know is more comfortable than working to change themselves.

They may enjoy playing the victim, and they like having an excuse for their behavior.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-08-2013, 10:17 PM
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Re: Pay off for not getting help?

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Originally Posted by Jamison View Post
damsel, thanks for sharing your story. At least you have admitted what you know what you're still doing and needs working on, and are willing to try therapy. Some places have local mental health clinics where counseling is sometimes free or offered at a cheaper rate, you might could check into that.
Thanks. There's a huge gap between who I am and who I want to be. Filling in the gap and getting to who I want to be is my motivation.

I went through short therapies a few times (that only lasted few weeks). Those helped me, but only temporary.

Last year I was referred to a psychotherapist, met with her once and I could see that the therapy might work. Unfortunately I am the kind of person who can't prioritize/make a decision. I just got a new job, with a better pay than my previous jobs and I really enjoyed it. And the therapy schedule clashed with my work schedule. I chose my work because I wanted to make money.

I see a psychiatric team every now and then.. just met with one person today and she had a strong feeling that a night therapy (group) could be good for me. I am strongly thinking about it. But I am worried I am going to be exhausted and end up hating my life more.. the therapy runs from 5 - 9 from Monday to Thursday and Friday for less than 2 hours. It would work with my 8 - 4:30 work schedule. However, I am 7 months pregnant and most days I feel so exhausted after work.
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