It's all too much!
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Physical & Mental Health Issues » It's all too much!

Physical & Mental Health Issues Marriage and relationships are difficult by themselves, but coping with physical or mental health problems can make things even more difficult.

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Old 07-07-2013, 01:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Exclamation It's all too much!

OK, I've been dealing with problems with hubby all the time we've been together (7 years married, 6 months dating before that)...
The whole time I've been worrying about his drinking and smoking (he had promised to stop both, and I get worried about his health because it's going downhill due to the cigarettes)...
OK, I was handling that..... BUT!.....

Now my Grandmother has FINALLY decided to move closer to us, to an old folk's home...great! (you'd think)...
She's up to her old tricks. In the past, she has called me a liar, hinted I am lazy, told her nurse I was spoiled, yelled at me in public... And now the other day I had to walk out on her on my visit... because she called me STUPID! (she misunderstood something I said, but still!)...

So now I have the stress of dealing with a husband who is still drinking and smoking (On the verge of him starting a new career where he won't be able to do either one), and a Grandma who is trying to do who knows what to me. What makes me so angry, is she does NOT speak to my sister or brother this way
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Old 07-07-2013, 01:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: It's all too much!

OH: I should add: Grandma has no dementia. She's as clear as a bell, mentally.
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Old 07-07-2013, 11:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: It's all too much!

How about when you visit her next, you say this:
Grandma, I love coming to visit you because I love you very much, but every time I come, you upset me with the way you treat me. You are either going to stop calling me names and disrespecting me or I will not come to visit again.

Are you weak with her? Why are you being treated differently from the others? Do not be a pushover.

And your husband has to want to stop his drinking and smoking himself, you can not make him do that.
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Old 07-07-2013, 04:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: It's all too much!

I think she's treats me differently, because I look SO MUCH like my mother (her daughter), and they used to fight like cats and dogs.
Also, I lived with her a short time many, many years ago when I was younger, because I was having family problems and had to get away. She probably remembers me for who I was back then, which is a completely different person.
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Old 07-07-2013, 04:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: It's all too much!

Well, it seems you have the upper hand when it comes to Grandma... She can only abuse you if you let her. If she wants to spend her time in her nursing home whining to the nurses about her spoiled grandchildren, that's her choice. Your choice is whether you'll let you abuse you to your face. Being old doesn't give you a right to be an ass.

As far as your husband goes... Maybe start going to something like Al-Anon for help in helping him cope. But if he's got addiction issues, he's going to have to decide to commit to fixing them himself.

C
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Old 07-09-2013, 08:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: It's all too much!

What on Earth can I do now?
I spoke to my sister, and apparently my Grandmother is the one who is "On the warpath", and my sister didn't even speak up for me

There is a little catch in the problem, too...Because she recently sold her house, and divided up the money between me and my brother and sister. If I don't somehow make the effort to work it out, I am thinking I'm gonna look like I "took the money and run"...which is FAR from the truth.

WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS?????
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Old 07-09-2013, 08:54 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: It's all too much!

Some people suck.

The sooner you realize this the better.
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Old 07-11-2013, 07:00 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: It's all too much!

I think at this point, you need to be less concerned about how you'll look (to whom?), and be concerned more for your own mental health.
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Old 07-11-2013, 09:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: It's all too much!

Thank you, Starfish. I agree with you.

Many years ago, I suffered 2 very severe bouts of major depression.
When this happened with my Grandmother, it was like the straw that was breaking the camels back, with what I was already dealing with.
I started to get those old feelings like I had in my depressive days, and it was worrying me. It's tearing me up so bad, I had to excuse myself from a clinic waiting room twice just to go compose myself in the restroom
I cured my last bouts of depression by CUTTING out all that was negative in my life....
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