Catholic/Religious guilt over sex - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Politics and Religion This is the place to discuss politics, morality, religion, and anything controversial.

User Tag List

 88Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 01:42 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 436
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
My wife is catholic and was taught masturbation is a sin!
I have heard this before in the Catholic church. My h was CofE and was taught the same. Not sure if that was a church thing or parental though.

I remember a vicar gave me a book on Christian sex when me and h first started dated (he was a youth leader type minister). I have tried to find it on amazon but can't remember its name - I will keep looking because it was fairly well known. It basically was a list of things you can and can't do before marriage. It pretty much boiled down to hand-holding and kissing.

What gets my goat is that if I could have my time again the first thing I would change is how much sex I had BEFORE I got married - particularly with the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with.

peacem is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 01:54 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,199
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

I have an elderly aunt who lives in Ireland.She told me that up until the seventies when a woman had a child she had to undergo "churching".
What happened was about six weeks after giving birth the woman went to see either a priest or a nun and they would say some prayers together and then the woman would get a blessing which"forgave" her of the sin of having sex.Virginity and abstinence were the preferred lifestyle.Only married catholic women could partake and even if the baby died during pregnancy this ceremony was performed.
Andy1001 is offline  
post #18 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 02:02 PM
Member
 
VladDracul's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Southeast USA
Posts: 847
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

Like it or not, there's a certain amount of wisdom and logic in waiting until marriage.

[IMG][/IMG]

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
VladDracul is offline  
post #19 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 02:19 PM
Member
 
As'laDain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,155
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

I think the shame goes to the basic cornerstone that pretty much every deistic religion has: the human consciousness.

Mankind is expected to use logical thinking despite its emotions, since the rational self awareness is the only thing that can be pointed to that no other animal possesses. Other animals seem to be capable of all of our emotions, but no other animal is able to think rationally like we do.

Most religions seem to find various ways for us to hone the rational part of our lives so that we can be fully in charge of our lives, instead of making our decisions based on how we feel in the moment, as animals do. So naturally, the activities that elicit the strongest emotions are discouraged, and the activities that bring about a more rational mental state are encouraged.

Many deistic religions use shame as a way to discourage activity that may cause people to become given to their emotional state. I think few of the followers really stop and think about why.
Posted via Mobile Device

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
As'laDain is online now  
post #20 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 02:27 PM
Member
 
As'laDain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,155
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve1000 View Post
I don't usually get involved in religious threads, but I want to ask how you can say that despite numerous examples similar to what God reportedly inspired others to write in Leviticus:

Leviticus 15:19-33 “Whenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be ceremonially unclean for seven days. Anyone who touches her during that time will be unclean until evening. 20 Anything on which the woman lies or sits during the time of her period will be unclean. 21 If any of you touch her bed, you must wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening. 22 If you touch any object she has sat on, you must wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening. 23 This includes her bed or any other object she has sat on; you will be unclean until evening if you touch it. 24 If a man has sexual intercourse with her and her blood touches him, her menstrual impurity will be transmitted to him. He will remain unclean for seven days, and any bed on which he lies will be unclean.
This strikes me more as a guide to good public hygiene than as an effort to shame sex.

If all of the "clean vs unclean" rules were followed, it would be pretty hard for a disease to spread very far. After thousands of years of seeing diseases spread, I would expect just about any religion to have similar rules.

Its less relevant today with our advances in medicine and hygiene.
Posted via Mobile Device

"The ecologist is continually having to look at the aspects of nature with which he is unfamiliar and perforce must be an amateur for much of his working time.... professionals may carp at omissions, misconstructions, or even downright errors in these pages. perhaps ultimately they may forgive them for the sake of the overall vision that only the amateur, or the ecologist, blithely sets out to experience."G. Evelyn Hutchinson
As'laDain is online now  
post #21 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 02:28 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 436
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by VladDracul View Post
Like it or not, there's a certain amount of wisdom and logic in waiting until marriage.

[IMG][/IMG]
True enough. But the catholic church would be better off reviewing its stance on contraception than finger wagging at the most natural thing in the world.

I am a bit out of touch but I remember Mother Theresa wasn't keen on condoms at the height of AIDS epidemic . It may have changed (someone clue me in).
peacem is offline  
post #22 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 02:37 PM
Member
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,216
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school. I was a good Catholic girl.

Then I grew up, realized through age, experience & wisdom that I had faith but lost my religion, and now Sr. Mary Prior would no doubt tell me there are not enough Hail Mary's in the world that can forgive my guilty pleasures. ;-)

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is offline  
post #23 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 02:51 PM
Member
 
Steve1000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 841
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by As'laDain View Post
This strikes me more as a guide to good public hygiene than as an effort to shame sex.
Fair enough.
Steve1000 is offline  
post #24 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 03:00 PM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 8,404
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

I was brought up in a strict Lutheran household, and there was a very liberal dose of guilt about sex. Sex was not even a topic for discussion until I'd learned far more from my uncles Penthouse magazines than my parents even knew. (I looked at them when I babysat) It was ASSUMED that we would not have sex till marriage, and anything else was met with disbelief and denial. So when I did have pre marital sex, and *GASP* moved in with a guy, my parents called in the pastor to lecture me. I ended up leaving home at 16 because my parents were so far out of touch with reality. 5 years later I am still with the same guy and we move in with my parents to save money, but before we do we have to be sat down by my parents and have bible passages read to us about the evils of premarital sex. And sleep in separate bedrooms of course. We end up getting married and having 3 kids, but sex isn't something I really even know can be enjoyable. I've heard of this 'female orgasm' but I think it's an urban myth.

Fast forward 10 more years, my first marriage has split up, I am on my second guy - yes, I have only slept with 2 guys in my life. I discover that sex can feel REALLY REALLY GOOD. His matter of fact attitude about sex and his desire that it be enjoyable for me is all new. but it takes me YEARS of this before my hang ups start to disappear. Anything but missionary feels dirty to me, as does touching myself at all, or performing oral sex, or using porn, etc etc etc. But I am willing to explore things and slowly come out of my shell.

My first marriage never should have happened. I let him take my virginity, and then was convinced that if I didn't want to go to hell I had to marry him. I stayed with him WAY longer than I should have.
Hope1964 is offline  
post #25 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 03:01 PM
Member
 
MrsAldi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ireland
Posts: 3,357
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

I was raised Catholic, went to a convent with nuns, no sex education other than anatomy lessons.
I didn't really fully understand about sex until I was 17.
It was a positive in a way that I understood that if you had unprotected sex it was very dangerous, but their version of "unprotected" was abstinence.

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk

MrsAldi is offline  
post #26 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 03:07 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 436
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

@Hope1964 When we first got married my H would make the spare room look slept in when his mother visited. When I became pregnant with our first child she was the last to know because H was ashamed to admit to her he had had sex. At the time it was funny - bizarre - but funny. Now it seems scary crazy the shame that he felt for having sex with his WIFE.

Its not that his mother didn't want her son to have sex within the context of marriage - its just that years and years of negativity around sex leaves a legacy (that we are still dealing with today - though much, much better).
peacem is offline  
post #27 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 03:17 PM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 8,404
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by peacem View Post
years and years of negativity around sex leaves a legacy
Does it ever!! And heaven forbid that you ever TALK about sex. I mean, no one really wants to talk about sex with their parents, but to ignore it completely? And if the subject ever does come up somehow, just the facial expressions alone send all the message a kid needs to think sex is totally shameful. My parents also can't talk about homosexuality without this really screwball, pinched look coming over their faces. Total and complete homophobia.
Hope1964 is offline  
post #28 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 03:23 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Emerging Buddhist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: World-wide
Posts: 1,241
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsAldi View Post
Yes, didn't the church say that you would go blind if you did it?
So that explains why so many in their 40's really need glasses...
Emerging Buddhist is offline  
post #29 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 12:09 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Spicy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 608
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris Taylor View Post
12 years of Catholic education here.

The "official" stance was always no premarital sex, but not a lot of consequences if you didn't adhere to that. Confession on Saturday afternoon usually would take care of any sins.

Unofficially we were told that girls were tramps and *****s and guys were leading these women to hell. Thankfully my parents were a little more liberal minded when it came to talking to us about sex.
Ah yes, now that you said this, it triggered a memory that my mom had told me. She said she would be pretty risqué all week as a teen, go to confession on Saturday, and then go wild all week again, and then repeat. Every week.

Ciao,

Spicy
Spicy is online now  
post #30 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-17-2016, 02:24 AM
Member
 
bilbag's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 67
Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
I've read the Bible many times myself, and never found anything other than that God says it should be in marriage, but I have never found anything about the shame/guilt piece. Yet, as I read on here, I hear it referred to a fair amount.
Of course this question doesn't apply to those who feel sex before marriage is totally fine.
I'm mostly curious to hear from those who deal with or have dealt with the anxiety/guilt (whatever the right description is) and what it has been based on, if any would care to share.
I'm Catholic. The sex issue with my Catholic faith is the teaching against contraception and masturbation. It doesn't get discussed much during mass so I don't fret much about it. Looking at the size of families in church, one can assume that couples are using contraception otherwise we'd all have 10 kids or so. I see people wearing glasses as well, and I'm sure there are a fair number wearing contact lens.
There is guilt with watching porn (I shouldn't be watching other women) but I have an excuse.
bilbag is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What has helped badsanta fix his LD/HD situation badsanta Sex in Marriage 107 03-15-2017 12:10 AM
Is Sex The "Bottom Line"? Vega Sex in Marriage 1356 03-08-2017 08:15 AM
Wife hiding things and sex is not the same. anom Sex in Marriage 28 10-27-2016 10:31 AM
Feelings after threesome Orange_Crush Sex in Marriage 114 03-03-2016 09:43 AM
What to do? Ray83 Sex in Marriage 32 12-31-2015 09:44 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome