Catholic/Religious guilt over sex - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 11:06 AM Thread Starter
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Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

I'm not sure if I should post this here or if I should post in the Religion/Politics section...if I am misplaced, Mods feel free to move this.

Just in reading others posts I often hear about quite a bit of guilt plaguing many from their faiths, Catholics and other faiths in regard to sex. Like many Italians, my family on both sides, for eons back were Catholic. So I know some of their teachings, but am no expert by any means. I have inquired about this, but they never have been able to show me what this is based on from the Bible.

My very young parents went a different route into Christianity, but not specifically Catholicism.

So they taught me the Bible principles in regard to waiting until after marriage to have sex. I never got the remotest vibe from my parents or any of the teachings in our church or in the Bible that sex was dirty or wrong or anything to be guilty over having and/or enjoying inside a marriage. In fact, quite the opposite, it was what a wonderful thing it was to share with your love.

I've read the Bible many times myself, and never found anything other than that God says it should be in marriage, but I have never found anything about the shame/guilt piece. Yet, as I read on here, I hear it referred to a fair amount.

Of course this question doesn't apply to those who feel sex before marriage is totally fine.

I'm mostly curious to hear from those who deal with or have dealt with the anxiety/guilt (whatever the right description is) and what it has been based on, if any would care to share.


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post #2 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 11:22 AM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

I grew up Catholic and was also taught that waiting for marriage was the right thing to do.

Other than that, I was never taught anything that even resembles have guilt over sex.

Also, this is probably in the wrong forum since polls and asking opinion is not allowed here. So I'm moving the thread.
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post #3 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 11:28 AM
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Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

Old school Baltimore Catechism.

FIL still knelt to pray at his bedside in his 80s and in very ill health.

The old school teachings had so many rules that related to sin that if it wasn't explicitly NOT a sin and it felt good, it probably was something sinful and therefore shameful.

Also those households typically didn't discuss sex openly.

Catholicism is a rigid, rules-based legalistic system. Marriage is a sacrament, so breaking a marriage has a strict set of rules to be followed if one wants out of the contract with God - in fact the rules basically there was no contract with God in these cases so it can be broken.

There is a reason Jewish moms talk about "my son is such a nice boy" versus catholic moms saying "my son is such a good boy" Nice and naughty can go together but good and naughty - not so much.

Not trying to start a religious war here but these are my observations marrying into the religion.



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post #4 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 11:35 AM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

How about in the Bible where people had multiple wives? Sounds like some people were having a lot of good sex with multiple partners! Religions are all man made used to control people. You believe the Bible, but do you believe it was really inspired by God or simply written by men? Ask a minister or big time Christian this, it gets really weird when they try to explain it. It's like a kid explaining how the Santa Claus he's been told his entire life is the real deal. They usually end up with saying you can't see wind but you know it's there! :facepalm:
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post #5 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 11:51 AM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

My husband comes from the type of religious family where guilt over sex was a huge issue. My SIL is almost certainly gay and has told me as much but went on to marry a man (lots of issues within her marriage - one angry woman). She also has mental health problems which I often wonder whether it stems from repressed sexuality.

I have battled with this and had for a long time animosity over organized religion and vowed to not raise my children in church.

Now, not so long a go I had a light bulb moment where I realised that religious people are not so much sexually repressed (in fact many people on TAM seem to have a healthy attitude to sex and religion), but sexually repressed people are attracted to religion. It's a theory.
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post #6 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 12:03 PM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

as catholic i can tell you that growing up i only dated non-catholics, thank god they had no hang up about sex......all i can say is thank god for Hedons. as the songs goes "Jesus loves you more than you will know" ;-)
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post #7 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 12:10 PM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

IDK, I was raised catholic. Sex was rarely discussed. There was a faint hint of "sex only when married" but never really saw it pushed. My mom was very "catholic", my dad not so much, so maybe that is the reason why this was a non issue.
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post #8 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 12:31 PM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

12 years of Catholic education here.

The "official" stance was always no premarital sex, but not a lot of consequences if you didn't adhere to that. Confession on Saturday afternoon usually would take care of any sins.

Unofficially we were told that girls were tramps and *****s and guys were leading these women to hell. Thankfully my parents were a little more liberal minded when it came to talking to us about sex.
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post #9 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 12:34 PM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

I think there is a lot of anti-sex teaching outside of religion as well. It possible that there isn't even that much correlation with religion, and more with parental attitudes.

There is the direct "sex is bad" teaching, but there is the also common "never talk about sex" problem. My parents were of the "never talk about it" variety. I remember when I was ~10, asking what a homosexual was and why it was a bad thing. It took them days to get up the nerve to say..."um.. men who..um... love other men...". Our "sex talk" consisted of them tossing a sex-ed pamphlet from school in my room, and then saying I should ask if I have any questions. We were completely non-religious so that wasn't the cause.

My fundimentalist religious cousins seemed to have a much better upbringing that way.
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post #10 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 12:49 PM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

In most English speaking countries Catholics represented the bottom rung of society prior to the 20th century. Most were illiterate and were following what they perceived to be Catholicism, not necessarily actual Catholicism of Summa Theologica. Even priests could not escape from their upbringing and carried their home superstition into their parishes.

You will find that better bred Catholics and Catholics in countries where they represent the upper-crust do not suffer from Catholic guilt.

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post #11 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 12:56 PM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

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Originally Posted by KillerClown View Post
In most English speaking countries Catholics represented the bottom rung of society prior to the 20th century. Most were illiterate and were following what they perceived to be Catholicism, not necessarily actual Catholicism of Summa Theologica. Even priests could not escape from their upbringing and carried their home superstition into their parishes.



You will find that better bred Catholics and Catholics in countries where they represent the upper-crust do not suffer from Catholic guilt.


Brrrahahaha. "Better bred Catholics" that's very funny. Like Rome where you have shady banking and intrigue? You mean the "better bred" cultures who accept the notion of mistresses - banging other dudes wives - to stay married and enjoy the privileges of marriages without the stigma of being slvtty?

This cracks me up.


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post #12 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 01:15 PM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

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Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
I've read the Bible many times myself, and never found anything other than that God says it should be in marriage, but I have never found anything about the shame/guilt piece. Yet, as I read on here, I hear it referred to a fair amount.
.
I don't usually get involved in religious threads, but I want to ask how you can say that despite numerous examples similar to what God reportedly inspired others to write in Leviticus:

Leviticus 15:19-33 ďWhenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be ceremonially unclean for seven days. Anyone who touches her during that time will be unclean until evening. 20 Anything on which the woman lies or sits during the time of her period will be unclean. 21 If any of you touch her bed, you must wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening. 22 If you touch any object she has sat on, you must wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening. 23 This includes her bed or any other object she has sat on; you will be unclean until evening if you touch it. 24 If a man has sexual intercourse with her and her blood touches him, her menstrual impurity will be transmitted to him. He will remain unclean for seven days, and any bed on which he lies will be unclean.
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post #13 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 01:16 PM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

My wife is catholic and was taught masturbation is a sin!
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post #14 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 01:33 PM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
My wife is catholic and was taught masturbation is a sin!
Yes, didn't the church say that you would go blind if you did it?

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post #15 of 53 (permalink) Old 11-16-2016, 01:35 PM
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Re: Catholic/Religious guilt over sex

I was born a catholic and was taught sex before marriage,homosexuality,and contraception were unforgivable sins.I live with my lesbian best friend,my pregnant girlfriend lives down the road from us and as for condoms...
I think I'm going to hell.
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