sweetpea

Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological "tasks":

- Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.
- Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy.
- Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.
- For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby's entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.
- Confront and master the inevitable crises of life
- Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.
- Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.
- Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partnerís needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.
- Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

Thanks to Judith S. Wallerstein, PhD, co-author of the book The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts.


APA Help Center - Family & Relationships - "Nine Psychological Tasks for a Good Marriage"

evenow

These are some really good ideas...but they sound a little vague in practice. I think tomes of help books have been written on how to do each one.

I suppose more is written on each area in the book by Ms. Wallerstein?

sweetpea

Evennow,

your right! The tasks are vague. I was just going think about which task that I might need to work on, and then come with ways to complete the tasks. The poster today complaing about her in-laws got me thinking about how what psycholoigal "tasks" need to be done for a good marriage, and what I might need to do to make my marriage stronger.

Jen

draconis

Great post Sweetpea.

draconis

Chris H.

I'd like to add this:

You and your partner should enhance each other's life. Be a compliment to one another and supportive through difficult times.

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