So I went ahead to the counselor without a care anymore if H will show up or not. I got there early, then suddenly H showed up. He and I both waited by the lobby for almost half an hour and I can't even look at him because I feel so angry inside.
The counselor was great. She asked us how it all started...the problems through out the years. H answered her mostly while I just sat there trying so hard not to bawls my eyes out. She quickly offered the possibility of me having a post partum depression after she heard from H about my very difficult pregnancy (I had a severe preeclampsia, was hospitalized twice, stayed on a bed-rest for 1 whole month and our son was born 5 weeks early with breathing problem) and I told her I don't know for sure because I didn't tell anyone how awful I felt at the time.
She then asked me what I wanted and I told her honestly before I found all these emails in H's fake email account I was so determined to work things out but now I'm not sure anymore. When she asked H if there is a third person be it a friend or whatever he wants to call it, H said yes but she's nothing but a friend (remember, in his emails he calls her sweetheart, he professed his love) and they had mutually agree to end things between them. This is when I whipped those emails out and showed H. The counselor refused to see them out of her professionalism I guess. She then explained that for us to work on the marriage first the third person needs to be out of the picture. H just sat there and didn't say a thing. She asked "If you feel like you are having problem letting that other person go or end things with her...we can also address that and work on it." Again, silent from his part.
I just can't believe that he sat there and still denies everything when the OW and I chat (well she thought I was him) and she told me what a fantastic weekend they just had.
The counselor then pointed that I had become obsessive in finding proof of their affair to which I agree because like I said before my gut feeling has been telling me he's not telling the truth.
She explained that for us to move on and for me to gain the trust back H needs to cut all contacts with the OW and make it as transparent as possible. She even suggested H to write a 'breakup email' that he must show me first before sending out or she said for H to take me and introduce me to the OW which will show the OW that he is really married and had chose to stay with his wife.
She also said that until the trust is regain H can't complain about me not trusting him enough because the trust has already been breech. (He was so upset that I 'stoop' so low to crack opened his fake account and impersonating him). She said H will also have to allow me to check every email accounts he have and go through his cell phone (this is hard, we are using prepaid so...).
I suppose to come back on Friday for a one on one session with her and H will see her on Monday same time.
Again, part of me wish H would admitted everything and apologize to me wholeheartedly the way some of these husbands I read that had an affair but repent...he just sat there said my biggest mistake was putting up with how cold she was when we were still living in AL!
So after I got home, I chatted with him using our blackberry messenger:
Me: Let me ask u, are you going to let go of her and do what D said or not? Because if u won't there's no point to even fix this marriage
Me: Because if not then you and i can use the counseling money to file for divorce
H: You know the way ur talking u already make up ur mind..
Me: I make up my mind that i WILL NOT put up with another lie from u!
H: If u listened when we were there u would have heard but u were to obsessed with showing ur evidence and proving I'm wrong..
Me: U drove me to be obsessed because u keep lying and cant tell me that infact ur affair is still going strong!
Me: All i wanted to hear is you telling me it will STOP and you are sorry but i guess u could never say that.
H: I am not going to argue and go back and forth over this tonight.
After I calm down, I emailed him and give him one week to come up with a decision either the OW goes or I will. Even the counselor said in a marriage there's no room for a third person because it sucked the life out of the marriage.
I'm just so depressed right now my stomach hurts so bad.
On the road to reconciliation 
