Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Re: When is enough, enough
On the eve of Thanksgiving I thought now would be a good time for an update. If you've read the full thread you'll know my wife and I are now three and a half years post discovery that our marriage was nearly at its end, her EA, divorce was almost unavoidable and the fact that I had not been the kind of husband I thought I was. Now, three and a half years later we have come full circle. I don't know exactly when it happened, it came without fan fair, celebration or a deep serious talk. My wife's actions told me over the past few months that she has fully returned to the marriage and that she holds the kind of love for me she did 25 years ago when we first fell in love. The brightness in her voice when she answers the phone, knowing I am calling. The look in her eyes when we first see each other after work. The closeness and warmth I feel when she sits down next to me to watch TV or enjoy a fire and some music. For us it was a long journey, difficult, nearly unbearable in the beginning. Slowly we drew back to each other. The trust and love grew and strengthened. It needs not be said, we love each other, we did what we had to do to sheppard our marriage back to happiness from the destruction and despair we both had a hand in creating. The years of neglect, the EA, the arguments and harsh moments are only a distant memory. The memories remain in my mind but not a memory of despair but as a benchmark that serves to remind me that no matter how good the marriage seems it can be very fragile if we don't remember the errs we made in the past, the lessons they taught us and the truly motivating pain in it all, the thought of losing her as my wife.
I spent a lot of time here on the forum, both giving advice and receiving it. There are many different theories, plans, strategies and opinions on how to recover a marriage and all have their merit in one situation or another. But here at this point, I still look back the four words I felt would bring us home. I put those words in my signature line when I officially joined TAM in early 2008. I've never changed them and today still feel they were a primary factor in our recovery. I continue to use them today to help propel us forward in marriage and life.
Tomorrow I will be particularly thankful for all I have. To sit at the head of the table, with my marriage in tact, our children around us and other family members and friends completely oblivious to the journey my wife and I have traveled. We managed to get through it without dragging everyone else along for the ride. All the better.
Bless you all and Happy Thanksgiving.
Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.
"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp
Last edited by Amplexor; 12-02-2010 at 02:18 PM.