When is enough, enough - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

User Tag List

 104Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-24-2014, 02:44 PM Thread Starter
Moderator
 
Amplexor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Posts: 6,235
Re: When is enough, enough

Quote:
Originally Posted by indiecat View Post
I wonder if it had been a PA how things would have worked out?

The EA part of my h's affair hurt. But once I found out about the PA part I just felt numb and still do.
I have thought about that in the past. My gut reaction is that if it had gone physical, that would have been a deal breaker. I don't think I would have gotten out of the gate on any attempt at R.


Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp
Amplexor is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-27-2014, 09:42 AM
Registered User
 
Blindsided13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 7
Re: When is enough, enough

AMP- thank you for sharing, my husband just walked out on us straight into another woman's apartment, the I love you but not in love with you speech, refuses to talk to me only through email. Hardly sees our children and only in the early morning for a brief time. I no longer recognize him, I pray every day for clarity, courage and compassion, I want us to try, I want to build a stronger marriage. I can only pray God will put him on the right path, and open his heart to us once again.
Blindsided13 is offline  
post #48 of 66 (permalink) Old 02-02-2014, 05:45 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 720
Re: When is enough, enough

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blindsided13 View Post
AMP- thank you for sharing, my husband just walked out on us straight into another woman's apartment, the I love you but not in love with you speech, refuses to talk to me only through email. Hardly sees our children and only in the early morning for a brief time. I no longer recognize him, I pray every day for clarity, courage and compassion, I want us to try, I want to build a stronger marriage. I can only pray God will put him on the right path, and open his heart to us once again.
1 Corinthians 7:15
Living Bible (TLB)
15 But if the husband or wife who isn’t a Christian is eager to leave, it is permitted. In such cases the Christian husband or wife should not insist that the other stay, for God wants his children to live in peace and harmony.
Pictureless is offline  
 
post #49 of 66 (permalink) Old 04-03-2014, 02:33 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 42
Re: When is enough, enough

Wow good for you. Situations sound similar. Makes me second guess my unwillingness to work things out with my ex.
Mmdog60 is offline  
post #50 of 66 (permalink) Old 04-09-2014, 10:39 PM
Member
 
Fordsvt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 538
Re: When is enough, enough

Amplexor. Thx a bunch. Sounds like my life in some ways. So glad it worked out for you.
I'm into month four of the R. It's going pretty good. We have hope too. My posts sound like yours. Hope my marriage comes back like yours did too.
Congrats.
Posted via Mobile Device
Fordsvt is offline  
post #51 of 66 (permalink) Old 04-19-2014, 09:08 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
Re: When is enough, enough

That is great , you give me hope, I have been working on my marriage for almost 2 years now, with little improvement, but still trying, I hope the best for you
Bayou is offline  
post #52 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-24-2014, 07:49 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 39
Re: When is enough, enough

Wow! Two and a half years. I'm only in week 3 of reconciliation and already hit a bump in the road. But if it makes for a better marriage, then great, I'm up for the challenge. I hope my husband can stay on the path with me.
vn1955 is offline  
post #53 of 66 (permalink) Old 12-23-2014, 10:36 AM
Member
 
Kresaera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Ashland, Ohio
Posts: 82
Re: When is enough, enough

Thank you for your testimony Amp, my marriage has been nothing but a long ride on a roller coaster and I think we are finally nearing the end of the craziness. Hubby and I are currently in the "2nd honeymoon" phase, and we both know it's an emotional high we are riding and it will stop. We are as prepared for this as possible. I read your stories for inspiration. Thanks again

Love is worth the fight.
Kresaera is offline  
post #54 of 66 (permalink) Old 01-15-2015, 07:33 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1
Re: When is enough, enough

wow....i'm just so in aw that right there is hope, hope for me and my wife yet she might not want to do councling because we can't afford it but...that is hope and i did get teary eyed..i hope yaw's marriage keeps getting better and works out....
myhearthurts2015 is offline  
post #55 of 66 (permalink) Old 03-10-2015, 07:12 AM
Member
 
aine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Posts: 3,204
Re: When is enough, enough

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amplexor View Post
Because there have been so many people here in dire situations in their marriages of late, I thought I would resurface this thread from 16 month ago. I felt an update was in order to hopefully serve as inspiration to some on the board who find themselves were I was over two years ago, 16 months ago, a few months ago.... I now find myself in a much better place and so does my wife. We are still together, still working on the marriage and still improving it.

Since I wrote that there have been more challenges and milestones in our lives as a couple and family. We have seen our children continue to grow in a caring and calm environment. We have seen one leave for college and another make great strides socially, academically and athletically. We have seen close friends and family members suffer the devastation of divorce and the impact on their kids. Those have only stiffened our resolve. There has been a job change, the financial plunge in our retirement accounts that comes a long with the economy. A drop in income for me personally as I am a commissioned sales person. Personal triumphs and set backs for all of us in our family. My wife stubbed her toe and began contact with TOM again after 8 months of no contact. I suspected and asked her, she was honest with me, confirmed and gave me the details. It had been very light and had not going on for very long in term. I did something I had never done with my wife in the history of our marriage. A carefully worded but firm ultimatum was delivered. I gave us both some time to think about the conversation and the impact on us both. A couple of weeks later she terminated the relationship for good. It was difficult for her and she resented me for making her do it. It set us back a bit but we slowly recovered. For six months, I let go of trying to recover her emotional attachments to me. I continued my changes in life but didn't push romance, date nights or physical intimacy. She got past her anger and hurt, I recovered my trust in her. Our close friendship held us together and helped us move forward slowly. Physical intimacy increased and eventually so did sexual intimacy after a two year abstinence. With intimacy grew stronger bonds between us emotionally. I once again became her emotional center and my love of her increased and deepened. Our ability to communicate and show empathy for each other operates at a higher level than I think it ever has in the history of our marriage. We are both happier than we have been in years.

Two and a half years ago, when I discovered her EA I gave the marriage less than a 25% chance of surviving the year. At the time I wrote this this thread last year the figure reversed with a 75% chance of success. At this point we both agree that unless something goes terribly wrong the marriage will go on and prosper. It is out of danger. The only thing missing is that my wife still does not have that "in love" feeling for me. I've not heard her say I love you in 2 1/2 years. But she is very committed to me, our marriage and family. I have my lover, my best friend and my closest confidant back at my side and so does she. When I hear those three little words again I will be able to finally close this chapter in our story and I still pray for that day. But in the meantime the marriage is good for us both. We spend all our available time together as a family and couple. We rarely pass each other in the house without an embrace, a kiss or a pat on the rump.

Marriages do come back and I will be forever thankful that mine was one of the lucky ones. Good luck all. Bless.
Amp, you are patient and loving more than most men!

aine is online now  
post #56 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-24-2015, 07:23 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 1
I know this was 7 years ago, but it is the most inspiring testimony I have heard. Thank you so much. I really needed to read that.
tig3107 is offline  
post #57 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-26-2015, 08:34 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 73
Your message hit me hard - but in a good way. I'm weary of people telling me to give up. My wife of nearly 9 years and I are headed for divorce. We lost a child and we grew apart without realizing it. There has been no infidelity, no abuse - simply two good people losing one another. She thinks it cannot be fixed - I think it can because it had a strong foundation. I have worked very hard to make myself a better person - or maybe to make myself the person I once was. I still love her deeply though she might doubt that but I am a stubborn SOB. I'm willing to fight and fight and fight for her heart. Her family is mad at her because they think she hasn't fought hard enough - my family is mad at me because I won't give up. I love her and I want to fight for her and reading your story energized me when I really needed a boost - so a profound thank you!!
milltown01 is offline  
post #58 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-31-2015, 09:01 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 18
Re: When is enough, enough

Quote:
Originally Posted by milltown01 View Post
Your message hit me hard - but in a good way. I'm weary of people telling me to give up. My wife of nearly 9 years and I are headed for divorce. We lost a child and we grew apart without realizing it. There has been no infidelity, no abuse - simply two good people losing one another. She thinks it cannot be fixed - I think it can because it had a strong foundation. I have worked very hard to make myself a better person - or maybe to make myself the person I once was. I still love her deeply though she might doubt that but I am a stubborn SOB. I'm willing to fight and fight and fight for her heart. Her family is mad at her because they think she hasn't fought hard enough - my family is mad at me because I won't give up. I love her and I want to fight for her and reading your story energized me when I really needed a boost - so a profound thank you!!
Wow, Bro.

My wife and I lost a child 10 years back. We thought we survived it and it made us closer - for a while. After grief therapy ended (2 years) we also started growing apart. We adopted to fill in the gap in our lives but while we agreed to do it she became obsessed with the the child and drove us further apart. We are now in counseling and I am more eager than her to fix it. So I know what you are feeling. Hard to give up a bond and connection that was strong enough to go through a loss of a child. Time will tell with us, I guess. Hang in there dude!
IwasBad_ButNowImGood is offline  
post #59 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-31-2015, 01:25 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 10,699
Re: When is enough, enough

The best way to fight for her is to just let her go!
the guy is offline  
post #60 of 66 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 06:50 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 78
Re: When is enough, enough

I cldnt agree more -The guy-. My husband and I have been seperated for 2.5yrs, he said he wanted out and I let him go. Once i had begged and he refused i accepted his decision and have been a good mother to my kids, treated him with respect but moved on so to speak. So its really with great surprise that i get a msg of R after 2.5yrs last week.
Im inspired by your story Amp but m also sceptical, proud and afraid that he will again dissappoint me. Also I have lived without him and i know its doable, I cherish the peace and quiet., but long term i do need a partner and what better partner than the father of my children.wx We shall see
Posted via Mobile Device
Bafuna is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
emotional affair, reconciliation, recovery, success

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome