Freak On a Leash

This tells me you aren't ready to date someone else. IMO it's not fair to date someone else when you are still thinking and yearning for your wife. It's not fair to you OR the person you are dating.

Have you formally divorced yet? Seems like she just moved out a few weeks ago and now you are dating? A lot of people encourage going out and meeting someone else ASAP but I'm of the opposite mindset. I think you need to settle yourself and live your own life and REALLY get over your marriage before dating. Dating another person to get over your marriage isn't the way to go. Dating once you ARE over your marriage is the way to go.

Just my .02. I'd hold off on the dating. Go get a hobby and have some fun on your own first.

__________________
D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now

Zulu

OK, so bit of an update, Nine months now.... Also, the house is now under offer, well it is already accpted, so pretty much has been sold. So things will move along from here now, we are not divorced yet, so we will just split the cash and suppose she will use it to file for divorce. I said, If you want a divorce, you do it...

As far as the dating is concerned, Oh my goodness, I think Quantum Physics will be a doddle compared to dating.... the people are complicated. Go out and meet, almost the first thing they talk about is sex, ok, so just to let you know, I do not have sex on a first date...(what they say)... um ok, that is fine, I don't think I remember asking for it, but well, now you have told me,,, good grief, these 40 something women in South Africa have serious hangups about sex.... They first want to be friends and then see where it goes... red flag red flag red flag that is cool, then be friends first, but don't tell me that...

My opinion is, ok, so now you have told me, why did you think it needed to be said, before I have even made a move on you, you are very presumptious to think that I was even thinking about sleeping with you... or is it a case of "me thinks the lady doth protest tooo much"

Zulu

Ok, so both buyer and sellers(us) have accepted the offer and so the house is officially sold, I need to be out by the 1st of May(ha ha.... when I was small, and Christmas trees were tall.......now I am tall and Christmas trees are small) so, got to find a new place and get packed, because 2 and a half months pass very quickly....

And obviously NO indication of that she ever wants back, so she is on her way....

Zulu

Ok, so update and advice request time... from the esteemed on the board here.

It has now been 10 months that she has been out of the house and 13 months that we have actually not been "husband and wife".

Yesterday was the 8th, the day she left all those months ago, any hat, I sent her a mail, first one in a long time, like months....

Hi Xxxxxxx, Please come home and let us sort our problems out. Nobody is happy and we are all going to be losers in the game. You have a treasure at Home. Xxxxxxxx"

She is going to her mother's birthday "party" on a wine estate this Sunday and she wanted to take the 2 boys with her,,, which she did ask me about, and I said it was fine.

So today, sort of out of the blue, I get this from her, I might add, nevr had a mail like this for a long time.... and it is a bit confusing....
-------------------------------------------------------------
Hi,

I think this may be a bit out of the blue, but was wondering, do you want to come with on Sunday? I have not yet asked my mother, because they have already booked, but if she agrees...
Don't want you to see this as a sign, but maybe we should talk, Maybe with Janet(MC) when/if there is money? Will you be prepared to do this?

S
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Now this is the first communication of this kind that I have had in a long time, so I am naturally Bunny in the headlights..... I know she is taking strain financially, and I know that she has seen my profile on an internet dating site, because I never hid my pics and just went on like I was "getting some" and all that... I have subsequently found out that a girl I am getting to know quite well, has a friend... who is also very good friends with my wife.... now I am not sure if this is a set up, but do not think so, but you know how woman are, THEY TALK!!!!

So... give me some options here, because I am all optioned out... (I will pay airfares if you feel all that I need is a serious beating on my head till it functions properly again, or if you just want to come and slap me VERY HARD with a big stick)

Zulu

Ok, so had this text from my councillor, after I forwarded the mail to her, to try and make sense of it...

"I have had the most UNEXPECTED e-mail from her, can I see you tomorrow. Suggest you avoid conversation until after we meet. A lot is happening and I need to know where you stand."

So I guess that tomorrow at 2 I will know what has been happening in the back ground. Pray for me.

rome2012

Wow....that's like a crime novel.....

I don't have any advice, but I can't wait to hear more !!!!!!!!

Good luck !!!!!!

Powerbane

Prayer Warriors at the Ready Sir!

Prayers Locked & Loaded!!!

Fire, Fire, Fire!!!

Prayers on the way!!!


Hope all turns out better Zulu.
Posted via Mobile Device

Zulu

The MC texted me this morning and had a 09:30 cancellation... so I went and saw her, seems wifey has had a bit of a wind blowing about her and has somehow managed to remove the "fog" and is realising that life is not so happy on the "outside" and is hoping that I will be prepared to accept her back.

Well, that is what the MC is picking up from her communications with her, the MC will be seeing her at 14:00 this afternoon, to hear exactly what she is on about.

Life "out there" is apparently not as good as the fantasy that she has been sold, and the safety of being part of a family far outweighs the randomness of being on your own.

Well, we will see.... God will give me the wisdom to make the right decision, should the question arise.... HEEEEEELP!!!!

F-102

This is gettin' good!

Zulu

Ok.... so... the MC said to me that her primary function is to help people... and she gave me some advice....

On this coming Sunday, my mother in law(I AM after all still married) is having her birthday as I posted before... the MC reckons I should go... but be just a bit "at arms length" and not pay her tooo much attention, as much as I actually want to take her in my arms(SLAP SLAP SLAP meee!!!!!)

She is not doing great, and really misses the family life, the house etc... we have a huge family and there is always something going on, someone having a birthday or this or that or a get to gether at someone's house and the rest... she never had this in her family and was apparently one of the things she really liked.

Also, went camping last year and my sister and her husband were with and took lots of pics and put them on FaceBook a week ago, and she saw them obviously, and realised that she is missing out on the life of her children and what they are doing and not being with them.

I also posted on my status updates the last few weeks that are very cryptic, and could mean that I am seeing someone, or interested in someone.....(why would anyone be interested in him, he is so boring.... or...... maybe he isn't????)

She has apparently seen me a few time, when I never saw her... Cape Town is very small.... and apparently am looking not toooo shabby at all.... so.....

Let us see how this unfolds and where it goes...

Zulu

It is, isn't it.....

anx

I would not do this. Don't play mind games please.

Things seem to be looking up. Good luck.

Zulu

Well, today is Sunday, and well, the big day... off to church in a bit and then the big big big meeting with the whole (ex)Familyinlaw... lets us see how it goes.... I pray that I have the widom to say the right things and not the wrong things... The place we are going is called Welgelegen Wine Farm(google it), a more beautiful place to start something you cannot get.

She has actually asked that I drop by and that we drive through together... so, she still trusts that I will drive safely and not try and wipe us all out, BUT, the thing is that I know I have moved along somewhat, and not needy as a I may have been when she left... suppose that would have been me working through my pain...

I would like a reconciliation, but actually.... you know what, if it doesn't happen, I will know in my heart, that I have done everything I could, everything that is humany possible and will be able to go in peace...

So fellow people, think of me, and know that somewhere in this world of ours, although we are on a different continent, separated by oceans, we all have similar concerns, troubles and worries ans wish for the happiness that all people wish for in this world...

denise1218

Wow!!! I just read all of your posts!!! Sounds exactly like what I am going thru. My husband of 17 years moved out 12/28/2010. He is the one that left. I want nothing more than to reconcile. I know everyone says to get on with your life.....but that is a bitter pilll to swallow. I cannot wait to hear how your day went yesterday.....hope it was/is everything you have been wanting. I, too refuse to give up....move on...yes....but give up.....not yet!!! Your story def. gives me inspiration.

Zulu

Ok, so the lunch went off with out a hitch, we did not sit next to each other, I gave a glance in her direction now and then and found her looking at me. I went and had a smoke away from the table, the tables were in a forrest, and as soon as I had stepped away, her dad came and had a chat to me and he said that she is soooo unhappy, she is lonely and misses me and the children, as well as the Family. Her father said that she feels she has made a mistake and wonders how to go about setting things right. I told him she must come and talk to me and we can go to the MC and plot a way forward, but this will need to happen, because in 13 months, I have moved along and am not the same person that she really left.

Last night I had a call from her brother(Me and him have spoken all the time, she has not spoken to him, because he told her from the beginning that what she was doing was wrong), he tells me, that my wife spoke to gher sister to talk to the brother to find out if I will take her back. He said he cannot speak for me, but it would not suprise him, if I did not take her back, but would not suprise him if I did, it is all about what she is prepared to do to let me trust her again.

She did after all say that she does not love me, she is not in love with me, she has no feeling for me, she is not a one man woman, she cannot commit herself to me, she cannot see herself spending the next 20 years with me, she does not even like me... she does not want to be married to me anymore, she does not want tobe married to anyone, she wants to be free to da as she pleases and not be in a box, of wife, mother, lover etc, she wants to be in control and not have to answer toanyone.

Well, her father called me today and said again to me that she misses me, and the family and everything that she lost, that she is very lonely and admits she has made a mistake... and may want to try and put the pieces together again.

She came and collected our youngest tonight and I went out to her by the car, and had a quick chat and asked her how she is doing and she said not good, she is very stressed at work and I said well, sorry to hear that, I did touch her on her arm between her wrist and her elbow, and said I hope it all works out for her and then went back inside....

So, well tomorrow I have an appointment with the MC at 0800(gmt +1), so most of you will still be asleep.... and suppose have to decide if this is really what I want or have I moved along to much... I really fell sorry for her, but that is so ironic, she did not feel sorry for me when she was out and about with who ever she was out and about with.

Am I asking too much of myself to be able to reconcile, am I taking on too much of a task to be able to trust her again... or must I take the chance, will it be better or will it be worse... am I stupid to even try, because she will probably do it again, she will be 45 in April.

I must say she is looking a bit the worse for wear... think she is under tremendous stress, but she has brought it upon herself, and hoping I will beg her to take her back like I stopped doing months ago, must I wait until she comes and says she wants to try again, must I stay backed off....