07-18-2010, 09:12 AM
Join Date: Jul 2010
| | The Sun Also Rises
I am new to the site, although I have been visiting the site for a few months. Long story short, I have been married for almost two years. My wife and I met online. We did not meet at a dating site but a message board. Neither one of us were looking for someone and things truly just developed organically. Before I ever spoke to her, I would look for her posts because she was funny, intelligent, and had great common sense. I then came to find out that she would do the same. We became friends and eventually, things became romantic. My wife and I had a great courtship for about 2 years before we got married. But cohabitation after marriage has been challenging.
My wife relocated to my state (we were in a long distance relationship). So, she has had to readust to her surroundings. Also, she does not like her new job. And, commuting around here is not bad for me but she does not like to commute for any long period of time and all of the good jobs will be at least 30 minutes away. And, being that we are currently recovering from a recession, jobs are not exactly plentiful.
We never had the "honeymoon" phase that I have heard so much about (laugh) from a sex standpoint. Having the extra stress of adjusting to her surroundings pretty much killed my wife's libido at times. Also, she has been downright mean and depressed. Now, you must understand that I would lay down in traffic for this woman. I believe that if you want to keep a person, you must do the things that you did to get them...and I have done that. I have been patient but at times it seemed like it would take her and extraordinary effort to do ANYTHING for me. Eventually, we went to counseling and the D-word came up.
Over the last 1-2 months, things have gotten better. Recently, she apologized for being so mean. She said that regardless of the outside factors (commute and her not liking the area), I am a great guy and she isn't trying to mess that up. That did wonders for me because I felt like I was the only one who was trying for a while. Does this solve everything? Hell no. We have a five-year plan to relocate to a warmer climate (she hates snow). And, in that time I am sure that she will find a better job. I am cautiously optimistic because things were improving before she apologized. Do I expect us to have rainbows and flowers from here on out? No. But I think that she is seeing that the things that she does not like are changable. And I am encouraged because we have ALWAYS had great communication, even through the dark times.
This site has really helped me. I saw that my experiences were not uncommon. I also saw that there was hope and what traps to avoid. This has been far better for me than going to counseling because I think that people here are brutally honest (in a good way) and our counselor was sugar-coating things. My hope is that my wife and I will keep improving. I will keep you guys posted on the progress.