Married Sept 03, Separated Jan 25,08 Me:37 Her:39
Marriage in beginning was wonderful,we did everything together. In Nov of 07, due to a medical condition she
started taking "yaz". Horrible side effects.She was also working 3rd shift. About this time, i got laid off
from my job, spent alot of time on computer,reading, and generally neglected her emotionaly.
On Jan 25th 08, (Day before my BDay) she says she wants me to leave. I do not drink,or do drugs, i dont
womanize or hit the bars or titty clubs. After asking why, she says "because she does not want to lose her
children".(Stepsons to me, 14 and 18 at the time). I was shocked to say the least,i treated these kids as my
own after 5 years. They didnt like me, since i was the one who set rules and chores. Nothing unreasonable,
doing dishes, taking the trash out, bedtime on school nights kinda stuff. Never hit them at all.
So i left, went back to my state, 5 hours away from her, and went No Contact. Last contact was Feb 14th,08.
I went into depression i am sure, but fought it by keeping myself busy, working, i joined the National Guard
(At 38yo!), went to school to work on a BA.
After spending a year in the guard,i was released back to my state. I decided to close that chapter of my
life, and filed for divorce. I had remained single all this time as i still considered myself married,just
told people i was going through a divorce. My lawyer sent her papers, and then i get a email from her asking
me to contact her. So, i call her. She says she does not want a divorce, she still loves me, but will give me
one if i want it, but she wants to reconcilation. I say it is possible. She drives 5 hours to come spend time
with me, she apoligizes,says she made a mistake, we have sex, profess that we still have love for each other.
Met twice more, everything good. Talking on phone daily now,sending emails also.
Just wanted to contribute to this site, as i been reading here about 2 weeks now as i sit and debate the matter in my head as to the next step.
Wife came up with the two boys. Got here on Thursday @ 10:30pm and left Sunday @ 2pm. One 21 now, very
mature and educated. Other one (17yo) pretty much did not want to see me and wouldnt say a word to me. Was
pissed off at his mother because she slept with me, and repeatedly stated to her he wanted to "go home". He
was not forced to come but he at the last minute wanted to come along with her along with one of his freinds.
His second evening here he did not want to sleep here so she let all three leave and get a hotel room. Third
overnite she would not pay for another hotel room just because he didnt want to stay here. (I let them sleep
in the 4 person 28ft RV so they would not have to stay in the house the whole time they were here.)
The time spent with the wife was good. We had some fun, i showed her some things around where i live, and i
fixed some things that were wrong with her car. We had two instances of problems, one was she got upset
because i didnt pay attention when she was showing me some papers, and another instance where i got alittle
pissed seeing her texting with her sons phone and she hid the text when i got close to her. She stated she
was texting her youngest son her who was writing some pretty nasty stuff about me to his brother. We had
agreed that we are to have no secrets, no lies, nothing hidden between us, so i felt this was a breach.
We were able to smooth things over through talking, she stated that her oldest felt she was wrong to not show
me,so she said sorry and it wouldnt happen again, although i never did see the text in the end.
She was to leave on Saturday evening, @ 2am, but she changed her plans after my family planned a cookout and
basically agreed to stay until Sunday @ 5pm. I was glad to see i had some more time with her, so Sunday
morning we went out to buy the food and such at the supermarket. When we returned, her youngest one stated
her he wanted to go home "NOW!!". Said he had summer school homework to do. So, after about 20 minutes of
finishing up some last minute cooking things(she had promised one of my family members to make some salad, so
she did before leaving) off they went, never did go to the cookout,leaving 3 hours earlier then planned. Not
a big deal for me, but again, i did not like the fact that she changed her plans yet again. (The 4 other
vists were all cut short due to various reasons concerning the 17yo)
So, i am left thinking of what i want, not sure of what questions to ask myself. I see that some things
have not changed, she basically does what her children want her to, which was 90% of the problem for me
before we separated. Her current plan is to stay where she is now for another year, till the youngest
graduates high school (as he does not want to change schools) then he wants to join the military. I think we
definately need to see a MC, as i have some trust issues popping up and i am not sure of anything. This has
thrown me mentally back into turmoil. I am concerned of being treated like a doormat, or as a backup plan for whatever reason. I also has the divorce case dismissed on July 30, as i think it better not to be divorced as we try to work on things.