Well, this R didn't work - Talk About Marriage
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  • 1 Post By firebelly1
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-07-2014, 09:06 AM Thread Starter
firebelly1's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 1,367
Well, this R didn't work

Last night my H finally called it off (again). He came up to see me for Christmas and I knew he was having doubts. We had as good a time as one can have when they think they are probably getting the ax. We had a conversation on the Friday after xmas in which he said he thinks we should break up. By Sunday he was encouraging me to quit my job and move back in with him, but after he left, silence. I knew whatever he'd said that sounded like he was still in this was bogus. And so it was. After two days of not responding to my texts he finally did and I challenged him to tell me the truth. He wanted out. And he said the same thing he said 1 year, 9 months and 12 days ago: if he was going to live as a childless man he wanted to do it as a bachelor. (Which I know in my heart is crap. I'm sure he was on Match.com the minute we stopped talking.)

I am heartbroken. And I am done. I can't keep going on this crazy train. But for all of you who are on this forum looking for hope, I don't want to be a downer. On the one hand, the lesson here is that you cannot control the other person. No matter how hard you work, if the other person isn't willing, you just can't do it. And there can be some comfort in that - you have done all you can. I am really satisfied now that I have done all I can to make this relationship work and I can be at peace with that.

My H said all the right things to make me believe he really wanted reconciliation but (and take this for the day-after snarkiness one might expect) he just isn't introspective enough to face the truth about himself. He wanted to make everyone around him happy by saying he wanted the marriage, but in his heart he didn't. I believed what he said instead of trusting my gut.

I wish the best to all of you. I really do. Thanks for reading.

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-08-2014, 08:02 AM
Join Date: May 2013
Location: central US, not unicorn fantasy land
Posts: 1,296
Re: Well, this R didn't work

I hope that you do find happiness in your future. Sorry you are going thru this tough experience.

You are right. You can not control what others do, and you gave it your best shot.

I hope 2014 does bring some good your way.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-08-2014, 09:32 AM
Join Date: Jul 2013
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Re: Well, this R didn't work

I think it's good that finally you have given up on reconciliation. Now you can concentrate on moving on. I wish you the best and I am sure you will find happiness soon.

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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-09-2014, 11:19 AM
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Posts: 10
Re: Well, this R didn't work

I feel for you. I have been on the same roller coaster and christmas was a strange time. All over now sadly.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-16-2014, 07:35 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: 3 yrs & counting, life's getting better
Posts: 1,201
Re: Well, this R didn't work

I feel so much for you. R limbo is pure hell. I know, I'm living it... At least now you have no other choice but go forward. Use it to the best you can. We are here for you in your next journey...

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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-16-2014, 08:12 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,713
Re: Well, this R didn't work

was children the "deal breaker"

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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