Day One... - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

User Tag List

 1556Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-23-2014, 08:09 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
DayOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,455
Re: Day One...

Thanks for that. Actually, i've reduced my alcohol intake as well. Never been much of a drinker anyway, but have found myself reaching for juice instead of beer and JD of an evening.

DayOne is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-23-2014, 08:22 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
DayOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,455
Re: Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xenote View Post
I realize that is a type of journal for you Day One but i recommend that you keep either a private on line journal or a paper journal to write down you raw emotions and issues....it can be very cathartic to release how you feel, what your working through so that sometime in the future you can look back and see where you have been and where you are going. stay positive
Appreciate the feedback. One thing i used to do, before we met, was to write extensively. Observations, thoughts, emotions. Get it out of my head and on paper (back when the world still used paper! ). That form of release, outlet faded out, but i have given serious thought about taking it up again.

I will continue to throw random updates and thoughts up on this thread. I consider this site to be an online, always on, group therapy session. And like any group session, if you don't seek out and be active the groups knowledge, assistance, support and advice, it's a waste of time coming.

Hope that makes sense.
DayOne is offline  
post #33 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-23-2014, 10:12 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,967
Re: Day One...

it does....and truly hope that you find your center with or with out her in your life, after all you may discover that you may have graduated from this marriage yourself and had not realized it. some of us look at our marriage a symbiotic relationship while others look at it as a parasitic relationship, its not until after we are free do we know the truth.
Lostinthought61 is online now  
 
post #34 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-23-2014, 11:14 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
DayOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,455
Re: Day One...

That's why i'm stepping back. To figure me out first and, eventually, if i'd just be fighting towards something i may not actually want (Us).
DayOne is offline  
post #35 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-23-2014, 11:59 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,967
Re: Day One...

Good for you...and you have one hell of a support system (TAM)

PS in the future if you have further questions about relationships and self post them in the general area, you might get more responses there.
Lostinthought61 is online now  
post #36 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-23-2014, 01:36 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
DayOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,455
Re: Day One...

Drove up to the house this evening, and of course the Wife was still hanging around after getting her bike and a few other bits and trying to drag it all down the street. I drove past her, parked in my spot and just sat in the car, waiting.

Eventually she got the idea i wasn't going to get out and go back to say hi, or offer to help her. Which is what i would have done in times gone by. And something i have to realize. It's her life now.

Score one for 180 and NMMNG!

Last edited by DayOne; 11-08-2014 at 12:44 PM.
DayOne is offline  
post #37 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-25-2014, 07:11 AM
Moderator
 
farsidejunky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7,854
Re: Day One...

You did good. That is where it is helpful to remind yourself that she set this in motion.

You are doing very well. Continue to improve yourself and do your best not to regress to the victim chair too long or too often. It will happen, but the key is to recognize it. Normally when recognition happens it is not hard to get out of your funk.

Keep posting, brother.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
farsidejunky is online now  
post #38 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-25-2014, 08:07 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
DayOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,455
Re: Day One...

Thanks for the affirmation.

Had a mild attack of 'poor me' last night, but got myself turned around by morning. Threw off the quilt and jumped out of bed with a 'BRING IT!' attitude. Crossed off several of the items i have on the DIY fix it list i've made, then drove to work energized and ready to beat the siht out of any problems i face today!
DayOne is offline  
post #39 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-25-2014, 04:33 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 63
Re: Day One...

I admire you for your strength. You're doing a great job. Keep it up!

That is so attractive in a man.
Feelingsadnlonely is offline  
post #40 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-25-2014, 05:11 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
DayOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,455
Re: Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Feelingsadnlonely View Post
I admire you for your strength. You're doing a great job. Keep it up!

That is so attractive in a man.
Thanks. (though of course what i'm posting may not always reflect what i'm feeling, when i'm alone and have time to think... )

And, to be honest, my 'strength' has not been what it should be or should have been. I've make a lot of mistakes. In the marriage, relationships with my kids, and with myself. This WILL change. I WILL find the strength I need to journey through the rest of my life.

Just living day to day right now. Making to do lists; DIY items, household chore rota (what to clean on what day) to keep me focused and moving. I'm already finding a level of being organised I've not had before.

My counselling kicks off in earnest in a week or so, really looking forward to it. Not pinning all my hopes on the results it may give, but treat it as an opportunity to get my head opened up and see what's in there. A lot of crap to unravel, look at, and make sense of.

Fortunately i'm not totally alone at the house. My dogs keep me company, even if they are very confused that everyone else has gone. And they get me out of the house and across the fields, a much needed diversion.

Not feeling particularly attractive or manly right now, but that will change once I refind my purpose and what i plan on doing going forward. Certainly not thinking about making the mistake of going into another relationship, whether it be an 'overnight' one or longer term. That's not where i'm at, right now it's all about me.

DayOne is offline  
post #41 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-26-2014, 01:34 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,526
Re: Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by DayOne View Post
Drove up to the house this evening, and of course the Wife was still hanging around after getting her bike and a few other bits and trying to drag it all down the street. I drove past her, parked in my spot and just sat in the car, waiting.
She's dragging her stuff down the street, you pass her, and park in your spot, and you wait.

What exactly were you waiting for?
lenzi is offline  
post #42 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-26-2014, 01:48 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
DayOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,455
Re: Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by lenzi View Post
She's dragging her stuff down the street, you pass her, and park in your spot, and you wait.

What exactly were you waiting for?
For her to move on. She stood there waiting for me to jump out and help. Not going to happen. That's what she's used to, and that's what i've been used to doing. All the time, every time.

That has to stop. At least for now. If she is determined to go it alone, that includes moving out. I told her i wouldn't help her leave on moving day, and helping her pick up a few bits a day later.

It is (was) part of me being a doormat, an 'NG'. Used to just being the guy that helps out, all the time, to the point where it was expected by others, and criticized if i didn't automatically do it all.
DayOne is offline  
post #43 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-26-2014, 01:53 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,526
Re: Day One...

Next time just get out of the car and go into the house as you normally would.
lenzi is offline  
post #44 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-26-2014, 01:56 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
DayOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,455
Re: Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by lenzi View Post
Next time just get out of the car and go into the house as you normally would.
Good plan! Thanks.
DayOne is offline  
post #45 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-26-2014, 02:21 PM
Member
 
southern wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The Wine Cellar
Posts: 10,162
Re: Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by DayOne View Post
Had first individual counseling session this morning. Spend an hour offloading, and i think perhaps overwhelmed the therapist with a long list of things to work through!

After that, went to work but my head is total swiss cheese after the session. A load of stuff got spilled out and it's lying all over the floor of my brain.

Which is when of course the 'no contact please' Wife emails to thank me for the moving boxes i got her, and when would be a good time to pick up her bicycle (she rides to/from work)?

Contact less than 36 hours after moving out?!?! Going to have to clarify the no contact boundaries to her i think.

Edit: Now done.
I don't know your entire back story, but if you have children together, no matter their age, why the NC rules?

~~~ SW ~~~
southern wife is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Day to day baby steps.... Feedback encouraged. Hunger Coping with Infidelity 261 05-22-2012 08:26 PM
Good Day, Bad Day, Loop De Loo!!! Shooboomafoo Going Through Divorce or Separation 9 07-14-2011 06:17 AM
Mother's Day, Father's Day, Birthday??? Special days for single parents. TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore Life After Divorce 3 06-15-2011 01:21 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome