Day One... - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #46 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-26-2014, 03:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Re: Day One...

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Originally Posted by southern wife View Post
I don't know your entire back story, but if you have children together, no matter their age, why the NC rules?
Control. She says she wants space, also requests no contact, then breaks it almost immediately. That's a control thing. She wants to set boundaries, then walk right through them. If I had been the one contacting, I would have been criticized

It's been that way for too long. Time to change.


Last edited by DayOne; 09-26-2014 at 05:28 PM.
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post #47 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-27-2014, 04:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Having a hard time this evening.

Last edited by DayOne; 10-28-2014 at 06:45 AM.
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post #48 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-27-2014, 08:03 PM
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Re: Day One...

Go to the movies....do not pass go.....go to a coffee shop with a book....be strong.
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post #49 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-29-2014, 01:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

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Go to the movies....do not pass go.....go to a coffee shop with a book....be strong.

Thanks. Made it through that night, but the pull gets stronger as the time gets longer.
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post #50 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-29-2014, 01:45 PM
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Re: Day One...

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Thanks. Made it through that night, but the pull gets stronger as the time gets longer.
It gets better...promise.

Read up on the 180 for tips on how to keep keeping on...
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post #51 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-29-2014, 01:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Re: Day One...

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Originally Posted by SamuraiJack View Post
It gets better...promise.

Read up on the 180 for tips on how to keep keeping on...
I have it printed out and taped on the kitchen cabinets, so I see it every day!

But it's the evenings, when I'm done rushing around, keeping busy, that my mind starts to wander.
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post #52 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-29-2014, 01:55 PM
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Re: Day One...

With the length of your marriage these types of “urgues” or part of the process and can last for quite a while. Neither of you are used to the new routines or life without each other.

Expect also at some point that you will feel the need to call or text her using an excuse like a simple household question or some other reason that you probably already know the answer to but at that moment it will seem like a good excuse to contact her. She will most likely do the same thing to you so don’t be surprised if that happens.

The weekends will seem to be the hardest because that is when you most likely spend the most time together and you don’t have work to distract you. There is no magic answer on how to avoid that feeling of wanting to know how things are or see her and everyone has to find there own niche to resist the feelings.
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post #53 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 04:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Thanks for the words Honcho. And yes, it is hard to have someone you've spent half your life with just be ...gone.

But i'm sticking to the 180, i'm not going to reach out. I have read enough horror stories here and elsewhere about what happens when you reach first. When she's ready, she'll make contact. I don't imagine it will be pleasant as i am expecting a lot of venting of her frustration to roll over me before there's any calm.

I did notice that she blocked me on FB last night, but that seems to have been reversed this morning. Which tells me there's anger, but also some thinking going on.

I am filling my weekends with chores, and house cleaning. The only times i really seem to struggle is in the evenings, when the house is quiet, very quiet, and i have time to let my mind wander if unchecked.

I'm planning on joining a 24 hour gym, so when it gets bad i can go work it off.

Strangely enough, this does not happen when i get to bed. Perhaps because i'm sleeping in the spare room as i won't sleep in what was 'our' bedroom, which has made it easier.
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post #54 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 05:24 AM
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Re: Day One...

Working out seems to be the cure.

You could take up a new sport. Squash. Rock climbing. Free diving.
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post #55 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 05:50 AM Thread Starter
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Going to sign up for swimming classes. Never been able to swim after a childhood incident, perfect time to learn. Overcoming fears!

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post #56 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 05:53 AM
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Day One...

Awesome. Key is learning to relax in the water so that you'll float
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post #57 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 06:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Thanks. Waiting call back from local class. Scared sihtless, but pushing forward. Have a real fear of the water (don't even like putting my face under the shower), so beating this will be a huge boost.
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post #58 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 08:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Rough time this evening. Checking the finances and realise that only having a single income is going to be way tighter than I originally thought.

Not panicking yet, still have some resources, but there be belt tightening ahead.

Causing another sleepless night. :-/
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post #59 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 08:56 PM
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Re: Day One...

"No matter what happens I will be okay."

Have you read NMMNG yet? After I read the aforementioned statement in the book I wrote it down and put it on my bathroom mirror. I would refer to it when I started to feel overwhelmed.

After a couple of months I actually started to believe it. I still need periodic reminders now but I am much better.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #60 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 09:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

I am reading it, and it's helping a lot. Doing the exercises and making notes, including copying down important sentences that I want to remember. Including that one.

Previously the first paragraph would have been all I would have written, but adding the follow up showing a positive is new for me.

But still new at being separated, being on a single income, and being nmmng, so it's still going to take a while to shake off the old me!
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