Day One... - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 1035 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 08:24 PM
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Re: Day One...

One step at a time, brother.


"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #62 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-02-2014, 06:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Going to have to pass her street this evening, twice. Walking to the swimming class and back. Going to be tough not 'find' her house (it'll be dark).

Last edited by DayOne; 11-08-2014 at 12:46 PM.
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post #63 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-02-2014, 11:13 AM
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Re: Day One...

No big deal if you do it on the way there. Don't do it on the way back.
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post #64 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-02-2014, 11:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Quote:
No big deal if you do it on the way there. Don't do it on the way back.
?

Been thinking about it since posting and realised it's a self imposed ****/fitness test. If i cross that line even once, it'll be again, and again. Rule 10 of the 180: Do not spy on spouse. And no matter what self-justification i choose, that's exactly what it would be. Part of my plan is to build up my self respect, this would be a fail.

And do i expect to see? Her, crying, alone on the couch? Or already with someone else? Neither of which I need to see.

Nah. Hold my head up high, and walk on by. Concentrate on where i'm going this evening. Which, by the way, is my first ever swimming class. It's been one of my biggest fears, since i was a kid. Don't even like having the shower run on my face! But i realised that if i can face this and push through, I can also push through a lot of other barriers.

And on the way home, i'm stopping off to see my oldest boy at his bar for a drink. A much more positive way to end the evening.
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post #65 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-02-2014, 01:00 PM
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Re: Day One...

Great attitude, brother. Keep striving and moving forward.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #66 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-02-2014, 01:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Whoops. Forgot my swim shorts are a 36, but i'm now a 32... Emergency alteration required!

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post #67 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 03:02 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Empowered today. Feeling GOOD!
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post #68 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 06:13 AM
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Re: Day One...

Kudos to you, DayOne. Sounds like you are on the right track.
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post #69 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 07:29 AM
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Re: Day One...

How did swimming go last night brother?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #70 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 07:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Scary as hell. The instructor eventually realised just much of a problem i have with it. (the bloodless face, shaking and clutching the wall with a death grip was a clue... )

BUT... I stuck it out, did what i could do, and completed lesson 1.

I WILL BEAT THIS!

And on the walk home i had a drink with my oldest boy then took the long way round (avoiding her street, and the chance of making a stupid mistake.) and went via the grocery store to pick up more juice.

Looking forward to my first beer in 5 days, i've decided no alcohol during the week anymore.


Last edited by DayOne; 10-03-2014 at 07:59 AM.
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post #71 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 08:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Oh, and i finally hit 200lbs even on the scales. This is down from 215 a couple weeks ago. Have thrown my 36" pants away as i now slide into 32"s! Smaller meals, no junk, and cut down on the beer.
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post #72 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 08:46 AM
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Re: Day One...

You are doing great, brother. Good job on maintaining the 180.

When you have that celebratory beer, make it a good one; your favorite micro brew, etc. Savor it, and cut yourself off at one. You don't need the excess calories or the unintended consequences of buzzed emotional weakness.

Stay focused on you.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #73 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 09:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
Good job on maintaining the 180.
Funny you say that, just got an email from her:

Quote:
Good afternoon,

Hope that you are doing well. I am expecting a letter from my employer in the next couple of days. If it comes to the house would you please let me know so that I can collect it. If okay, would you please put any other post that has come for me in a bag and I will collect it all at once.

Thanks,
Response

Quote:
Thank you for your email. I will keep a look out for the letter.

However, i have dropped off all your mail (last night) with *oldest son* as he also had a stack of mail, and as he is more likely to see you before than i am. It’s likely he may not have informed you yet. The gardening magazine has its plastic cover ripped off when the postman shoved in the mailbox, I have gathered up the contents and put them inside the magazine.

I would ask you again to arrange a mail redirect, so your mail goes to you. I've reminded *oldest son* to do the same for his mail as I have also already asked him before.

In addition i would ask that you contact me in future via my personal email rather than my work email.

a) It’s the professional thing to do. I would rather our personal matters be handled via an email that is not accessible to co-workers (yours or mine).
b) I am taking next week off, so If you contact me I will not see it.

We also need to discuss some remaining Direct Debits and Standing Orders still on the joint and house account. I know you will be taking care of them , can you advise when that will be?

Last edited by DayOne; 10-03-2014 at 09:19 AM.
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post #74 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 09:45 AM
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Re: Day One...

Good, but too wordy. Also there are too many explanations. When she chose to move out, that eliminated the need for providing her explanations. Polite, direct, no explanations needed.

"I will keep a lookout for the letter.

All of your recent mail was sent to the house with our son.

Please submit the mail forwarding paperwork.

Please send any future correspondence to my personal email.

Lastly, please let me know when the business is settled regarding the joint and house accounts as agreed upon."

Mine is still little wordy. Maybe some other posters can provide more concise suggestions.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #75 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 11:44 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

A good alternative. But, a little terse, imo. Remember, she hasn't stepped on me (Affair), or screwed up in any of the other ways other stories here show, and we've parted amicably.

While there's no hint of "i miss you!" in my reply, there's also no need to be curt. A short, robotic reply like that comes across as exactly how it looks.

If all the contact we have is via email every couple of weeks (for now), i see no reason to punish her in my responses. The only thing she has done 'wrong' (an arguable term in our case) is deciding to leave.

I will leave a hint of warmth on our communications, unless future circumstances dictate otherwise. I will still have feelings for her (at this time). But at the same time be aware of overdoing it when emailing her.

Also, remember i'm working on being a positive, friendly person (which is the '180' i'm really shooting for, a turnaround from who i have been) who does not try to score points, be negative, find fault for the sake of it, nitpick or start fights. This includes my Wife.

I have no anger towards her, or hold any bitterness. For me, the past is past. If anything i consider our separation to be the best thing that could have happened to me in 25 years, or longer. Even my coworkers, friends and family have remarked on how different i am already. How positive i am and that my voice has changed. It's no longer flat and monotonous. There's a spark to it. I laugh, naturally, and enjoy being around people. This is a new thing and i like it.

If i hold onto the past and the anger it held, it will destroy my future.
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