Day One... - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 01:13 PM
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Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
Good, but too wordy. Also there are too many explanations. When she chose to move out, that eliminated the need for providing her explanations. Polite, direct, no explanations needed.

"Will keep a lookout for the letter.

Son has your recent mail.

Please submit the mail forwarding paperwork.

Please send any future correspondence to my personal email.

Lastly, please let me know when the business regarding the joint and house accounts is settled.

Your name (no love, regards, cheers, hiya)
.

Far side Junky is 100% right.

If you want to save your marriage, you must speak less, listen more and be decisive. Women want leaders, not nice guys. If she loves you but is not in love with you, you need to transform yourself.

Don't ever tell you are swimming. Don't FACEBOOK blog about your lessons. Take a holiday to a lake with your kids. They will tell her that dad learned to swim. Keep your mouth shut.

Are you FB friends with your wife?
If so, unfriend and block her.

Read MMSLP.

Your wife is very far gone. Don't hope a lot.

Even when the separation deal says no dating the opposite is common.

Kolors WAW was email EAing as they got ready to split. Once he moved out she banged more than one guy in short time. Now they are arguing about custody and alimony.

Read Bagdon

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post #77 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 02:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Thanks for the feedback. I will read that book!

Edit: Bagdon?

Last edited by DayOne; 10-03-2014 at 02:08 PM.
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post #78 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 03:35 PM
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Re: Day One...

DayOne:

Your email still screams "needy". If there is any shot at this working (and I agree with LW the it is a LONG shot), she must believe you are moving on with your life.

You are allowing her to see no matter how she treats you, you will still be waiting around and treating her like you always have.

How has treating her like you always have worked out so far?

Let your actions and your words tell her you are moving on as well. Be polite, but lose the warmth and explanations. You owe her none of it at this point.

When she calls you on it (and she will if you actually do it), tell her you are busy so you need to keep your correspondence short. See? Even your explanation tells her you are moving on.

Until she fears losing you it will never change.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #79 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 03:44 PM
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Day One...

Correct. Search TAM for Bagdon. He beat the odds. He is a model.
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post #80 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-03-2014, 04:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Thanks both for the advice. It's appreciated.
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post #81 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-04-2014, 02:43 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

She still has some stuff here. Box it up and put it out of the way, or box it up and tell her when she's coming to collect it?
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post #82 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-04-2014, 08:31 AM
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Re: Day One...

Don't tell her when. Don't confuse indifference with hostility.

One trick I have seen a lot of posters suggest is to open a mini storage unit and pay one month in advance. Then email her the unit number and combination to the lock, and let her know one month is paid.

That allows you to continue the 180 without compromise.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #83 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-04-2014, 09:37 AM
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Re: Day One...

It's just stuff. If she isn't worrying about it, why fuss with it.

Did you find and read Bagdon?
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post #84 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-04-2014, 12:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Yes i did read it.


Thanks.
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post #85 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-04-2014, 05:26 PM
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Re: Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by DayOne View Post
She still has some stuff here. Box it up and put it out of the way, or box it up and tell her when she's coming to collect it?
I boxed all the stuff up and just got it out of my way. It isnt unusual at all for them to not get everything but do it here and there. It gives them a reason to stop by the house either to see whats going on or to see you depending on the dynamics of the separation.

I pushed for her to get the stuff out of our house and while she demanded items she would never pick it up. My situation was different in that the more junk she was hauling into the OM house the more he wanted to throw her out.

For me boxing it all up and filling up the spare rooms in the house was best for me because I didnt need the constant reminders of our marriage and her. It wasnt fun to box it up but for me it was easier than seeing it leave piece by piece when she felt like it.

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post #86 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-04-2014, 05:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Good words, as always, Honcho. In the end I chose to spent the afternoon having a massive 'cleansing' around the house. All of her stuff has been put into her dresser and closet. And I waded through the piles of crap in the attic, sorted all her stuff and put in one corner up there. (and there's a lot of stuff). If she stays gone, it will be easy for her to collect it all and be out of here. If she returns, well it'll be here.
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post #87 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-06-2014, 06:55 AM
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Re: Day One...

How was your Sunday?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #88 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-06-2014, 08:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
How was your Sunday?
Good thanks. Another busy one. Nice day so worked from the 'outside chores' list. Stripping, sanding, and painting a bathroom cabinet, fixing gutters, trimming hedges, cleaning the garage.

Took the dogs for a walk. Lost one of them for 1/2 hour, then when we got home the other one found a hole in the front yard hedge and went for an extra walk. (They're both tagged and chipped). But all resolved.

Weather is ****e today, so switched to the 'indoors list' and am sugar soaping the ceilings ready for a repaint.

Still No Contact with Wife, but did spot my youngest boy at the end of his block talking to a friend. Brief eye contact before i drove on by. I haven't had an urge to take an 'evening walk' for a couple of days...

Counselor this afternoon.
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post #89 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 07:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

So.. the letter she was waiting on showed up. Waited until the evening (ie several hours later) to email her with:

Subject: Your letter

Body: is here.


Too long?
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post #90 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 07:58 AM
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Re: Day One...

Clever. How do you intend to get it to her without breaking the 180?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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