Day One... - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #106 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 06:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

I'm also cancelling her standing orders and direct debits that are STILL active on our (now my) joint accounts. I've asked her to sort it out, but she hasn't yet (3 weeks is long enough). I won't get bit just because she won't take care of business. A couple of them may still go through as it was too late. So i will have to get the money back from her. (Not looking forward to the when she realises)

No other activity on the accounts except mine in the last week.


Last edited by DayOne; 10-07-2014 at 06:51 PM.
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post #107 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 06:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nucking Futs View Post
I agree. She waited until you were home to come get it.

Next time leave it with your son at his bar. Don't give her anything she can use as an excuse to see you. If she wants to see you let her be honest about it.
That's what i will do. If she'd come by at the agreed time, i wouldn't have been here. Now i know how it affects me i will drop all mail at the bar. Kinda pisses me off though. I've told her to have her mail redirected, but she still hasn't done it. NMMNG means i shouldn't be taking care of her damn mail, running it around town.
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post #108 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 06:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nucking Futs View Post
No, she's stalking you.
No, the stalker reference was an earlier joke with myself and GaryLarsonJunky.
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post #109 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 06:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

I know it 'got to me' as it's 20c in the house and i'm freezing. A reaction i get to extreme stress.
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post #110 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 07:48 PM
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Re: Day One...

You are like a car that someone has driven for years. She can't believe your not hers anymore. She didn't want you and is not interested in keeping you clean or changing the oil, but you go back a long ways.

Keep up the NC. You are doing a good job.

The terse emails are very good. She will be impressed by the subject content economy. Think about work. The very important big cheeses often send out simple emails.

"OK"

end of message

"Let me know if I have to do anything else."

end of message

"Inform XX who should be in loop."

end of message

This style of reply lets the receiver know. I read your report. Here is my decision. Let's not waste words. Get it done.

Your WAW will be impressed but that may not lead to her falling back in love with you. At least not enough to seek reconciliation.

You will always be connected. You became parents together for better or worse.
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post #111 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 03:47 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Ironic that you use a car example. We moved back to this country 12 years ago (i'm from here, she's not), and she STILL hasn't gotten round to getting her license!

Always having to be the taxi/chauffeur of the family caused anger and resentment in me that would occasionally burst out, and then I'D be called the bad guy.
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post #112 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 04:24 AM
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Re: Day One...

Well, she fired the chauffeur. Tough luck for her.

You should ride a bike to enjoy freedom.

Your WAW is a mixture of good and bad. Aren't we all. Now you don't have to put up with her BS anymore. It hurts that she is disloyal, but you cannot nice your way back into her life. Go forward and you may find a better woman in time. Recognize that you must go through a period of mourning for this relationship.

Drink less than you usually do. Exercise more.
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post #113 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 08:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

I get out a lot anyway. Walking miles with the dogs. And have started running too.

She has a bike. That and the bus are her only forms of transport (now).

Already cut way down on the drinking. None during the week anymore.
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post #114 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 08:55 AM
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Re: Day One...

How often do you get out around other people? How social are you?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #115 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 11:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

Quote:
Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
How often do you get out around other people? How social are you?
Not much, and not very. But thats not new.

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post #116 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 11:20 AM
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Re: Day One...

Time to step out of your comfort zone. Start exploring different social ways to enjoy your hobbies. It will help you tremendously in what you are going through.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #117 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 11:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

True. Thanks. I'll look into it.

Right now i'm working on fixing up the house.
a) to make it 'mine' and that it's my space, not ours.
b) to build myself back up by settings goals, tasks, putting them on paper. accomplishing them and feeling good about it. Just came in from paint stripping a door down ready to repair and repaint it. Earlier today i was painting ceilings and restoring a bathroom cabinet.

BTW, the letter i think she was actually waiting for came today...

Last edited by DayOne; 10-08-2014 at 11:28 AM.
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post #118 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 11:32 AM
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Re: Day One...

Time to use the lesson you learned from yesterday. If she can't keep herself from your space , do it for her.

ETA: make sure you either text or email her where you left it to prevent her from coming to your door.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #119 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 11:46 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Day One...

I'll drop it off with the kid on the way to swimming tomorrow evening. She can pick it up from there when she next see's him. As she hasn't brought it up, i won't be reaching out to tell her it's here.
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post #120 of 1035 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 06:17 AM
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Re: Day One...

Checking in on you (stalking) brother.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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