Has anyone's spouse done this?
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Old 03-06-2011, 12:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Has anyone's spouse done this?

My stbx (he filed) has come back to me 3 weeks ago and said he wants to try to reconcile. Everything went great until a couple of days ago when he started sleeping on the couch and he yelled at me for some stupid thing. I apologised to him and he listened but didn't say a word. He's still sleeping on the couch now.
I understand that there will be fights after reconciliation like in a normal marriage but this scares me.
Did any of your spouses have a setback like this during reconciliation but everything worked out in the end, you still reconciled?
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Old 03-06-2011, 02:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Has anyone's spouse done this?

Are you guys in MC? If you serious about making it work, get in MC. Talk with him about this behavior there.

Reconciliation will be hard unless the underlying issues are addressed in something like MC.
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Old 03-06-2011, 04:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Has anyone's spouse done this?

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Originally Posted by anx View Post
Are you guys in MC? If you serious about making it work, get in MC. Talk with him about this behavior there.

Reconciliation will be hard unless the underlying issues are addressed in something like MC.
No. He doesn't think it would do any good. Today he seemed to be fine. Talked normal not nice not mean but normal to me. I just want to know if such fights can happen during R and it still work out, or if that means R is most likely doomed?
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Old 03-06-2011, 04:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Has anyone's spouse done this?

Yes we've had some major ones but we settle down and regroup.
We do are best to prevent it from getting to this point knowing how unsettling it can be for both of us. You know how fragile it is so the both of us can get calm and work it out .

Back in the day we would fight she would cheat I would drink and the behavior was toxic. So these days we have seen how far south sh*t will go if we don't calm the f*ck down and think...both of us.

So point is we know were we have been and were things can go so there is no .....what if
We know we are both capable in screwing things up so we are more focused when we argue. Focus on communicating our point and not stressing on the emotional impact. With that said we see the R working...still argue but in a differant way.

So if there is a fight we know its best to settle it and stay away from those bad behaviors. it motivates us in resolving the issue b/c I don't like drinking and she doesnt like being used by some strange, just so we dont have to face the dissagreement that we have.
R will work out if both of you agree that sh*t happens and it needs to be worked out. Fighting is always there its how you dealt with it before the R and how you fight durying the R, that the difference in if the R is working.
Hope that helps ;-)
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Old 03-06-2011, 05:04 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Has anyone's spouse done this?

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Yes we've had some major ones but we settle down and regroup.
We do are best to prevent it from getting to this point knowing how unsettling it can be for both of us. You know how fragile it is so the both of us can get calm and work it out .

Back in the day we would fight she would cheat I would drink and the behavior was toxic. So these days we have seen how far south sh*t will go if we don't calm the f*ck down and think...both of us.

So point is we know were we have been and were things can go so there is no .....what if
We know we are both capable in screwing things up so we are more focused when we argue. Focus on communicating our point and not stressing on the emotional impact. With that said we see the R working...still argue but in a differant way.

So if there is a fight we know its best to settle it and stay away from those bad behaviors. it motivates us in resolving the issue b/c I don't like drinking and she doesnt like being used by some strange, just so we dont have to face the dissagreement that we have.
R will work out if both of you agree that sh*t happens and it needs to be worked out. Fighting is always there its how you dealt with it before the R and how you fight durying the R, that the difference in if the R is working.
Hope that helps ;-)
Thanks. We don't talk about the R. It's more of a wait and see kind of thing. I've apologised and explained why I said what I said and he listened but didn't respond. This morning we talked cordially about little things. But mostly we stayed away from each other.

I worry about him throwing in the towel if there's an argument. It's just too easy now since divorce was brought on the table. Like when we tried to think about dinner and I said I don't care what we're going to eat, I don't feel like anything special. He said some things never change. He's always hated my indecisiveness.

I will stay out of his way as much as I can.
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Old 03-06-2011, 05:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Has anyone's spouse done this?

Quote:
No. He doesn't think it would do any good.
Again, get in MC if possible. Doing what you did before didn't work; MC helps find a new way.

My story is in my profile if you are interested. We do the best we know how, and sometimes its wrong. I was wrong.

If you are seriously a fight or two from divorce, get in MC now.
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Old 03-06-2011, 05:33 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Has anyone's spouse done this?

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Originally Posted by anx View Post
Again, get in MC if possible. Doing what you did before didn't work; MC helps find a new way.

My story is in my profile if you are interested. We do the best we know how, and sometimes its wrong. I was wrong.

If you are seriously a fight or two from divorce, get in MC now.
I would go right away but I can't force him. I can't drag him by his hair .
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Old 03-06-2011, 05:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Has anyone's spouse done this?

You need to get your own counselor to help you out with these issues. If he won't go with you, start without him.

I know you're scared that he might leave you again. But there is no magic way to know what he is going to do. Did he have a gf that kicked him to the curb after 3 weeks?
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Old 03-06-2011, 06:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Has anyone's spouse done this?

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Originally Posted by SaffronPower View Post
You need to get your own counselor to help you out with these issues. If he won't go with you, start without him.

I know you're scared that he might leave you again. But there is no magic way to know what he is going to do. Did he have a gf that kicked him to the curb after 3 weeks?
I don't know if he had a gf. We are still living together. Sorry I probably didn't word it well. He approached me 3 weeks ago saying he'll want to try to R. We've been getting along rather well the time before and I guess that made him want to try. I will look into getting counseling for myself.
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Old 03-09-2011, 06:23 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Has anyone's spouse done this?

You worded things fine everafter, I'm just worried you might be one of those kind souls that "apoligizes and sorrys" even when it's not your fault. Get a counselor to help see if you're husband is a bully or if you just need to be more assertive. If insurance doesn't pay for it, try a church or women's shelter.
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Old 03-15-2011, 01:03 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Has anyone's spouse done this?

I think if he truly wanted to R the marriage he would be going with you to MC
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Old 03-17-2011, 10:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Has anyone's spouse done this?

You REALLY want to get back together with his guy? Seriously?

Never should've moved back in unless he did counseling with you. Otherwise you're just back to Square 1. I wouldn't put up with this crap.
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