Reconciliation after the divorce is final?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Reconciliation » Reconciliation after the divorce is final?

Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-04-2011, 01:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 89
Default Reconciliation after the divorce is final?

Hi everyone,

I've been separated for over three months and divorced for one. I was very confident in my decision to leave my husband. He was very emotionally abusive and I was beaten down and just done with it. He was a broken man when I left and took on all the blame for what was wrong. I've told him many times I'm not perfect and I did things wrong as well.

So for the last few weeks we've been trying again, I missed him terribly and I do still love him. He's been so repentant and nice that I felt he deserved another chance. Now that we've been dating he's finally admitted to why he was so cruel when we were married. He was resentful because he felt 1) I pushed him into buying a house-I did but only because renting was as much as buying and couldn't foresee the horrible economy 2) I wasn't working- yes I got laid off and then quit my next job because of a horrible boss 3) I was sick for a good period of our marriage and this made him frustrated- I had staph in my sinuses and couldn't have worked anyway till it was clear.

I'll admit I had the worst four years of my life during our marriage but I'm left wondering why he felt he could treat me the way he did for things that were beyond my control? I did make mistakes, I should have put up with my boss no matter what happened. There was nothing I could do about being sick, I went to three different doctors before I was diagnosed correctly.

I've told him, nothing has changed with me. I am still looking for work while I finish a second degree. I'm still the same person I was when I left, when we were both unhappy. He swears that he's changed, that he's realized that he was very wrong to be angry at me and to punish me for things. So I'm left with the feeling that maybe this isn't going to work long term. Is he just looking past what he feels are my "faults" because he misses me? I see small trickles of his old behavior slip in sometimes and it scares me to death. I'm very gun shy and being alone makes me feel "safe" but then I miss him so much that I want to make things work. We're going to go to counseling at some point. I still have so much anger about his behavior and I'm trying to work through it.

I feel like I'm writing a book but I was just wondering if anyone else out there had some advice, thoughts etc. This site was so helpful when I was deciding to leave, here I am again looking for help.
Tiredspouse0297 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 04-04-2011, 08:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 29
Default Re: Reconciliation after the divorce is final?

I think your wall is up but if every time he is kind and compassionate to you take a brick out. Go slow and enjoy the changes. Do not hurry back with him till you are fully convinced that he has repented and the changes are permanent. We men only wake up when the spouse has left and then realize how we screwed up and make the changes. No one can tell us to make the changes it has to come within. If he is willing to work at it and you guys are connecting then you have a high chance of getting back together. 14% of people who divorce ...remarry the same spouse again!!!

Best of luck.
samjin is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-04-2011, 09:55 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Runs like Dog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Redneckistan
Posts: 7,692
Default Re: Reconciliation after the divorce is final?

Quote:
Originally Posted by samjin View Post
14% of people who divorce ...remarry the same spouse again!!!Best of luck.
And one third of all women who are murdered are murdered by a husband or boyfriend. Crazy is as crazy does.
Runs like Dog is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Divorce is almost final... Yummy2011 Going Through Divorce or Separation 1 10-20-2012 07:24 PM
Divorce is Final.. ProfJ Life After Divorce 1 05-30-2012 10:45 AM
Divorce is all but final..... remmons Going Through Divorce or Separation 15 06-11-2011 01:31 PM
It's final, Divorce here we go !!! Sas581011 Going Through Divorce or Separation 24 04-28-2011 12:58 PM
The day your divorce became final notreadytoquit Going Through Divorce or Separation 3 09-14-2010 09:48 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:48 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.