One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
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post #136 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 06:35 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

And the abuse was the reason those of us who posted on her other threads were opposed to R in the first place. It doesn't do any good to have a remorseful WS when the BS is an abuser.

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post #137 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 06:41 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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And the abuse was the reason those of us who posted on her other threads were opposed to R in the first place. It doesn't do any good to have a remorseful WS when the BS is an abuser.
I know, right? Think of all the (seemingly) good, honest, and heartbroken BS's out there that would KILL to have a WS as absolutely remorseful as rr has been throughout the past several months.

It really is a shame that all of that has been completely wasted on this assh*le.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #138 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 06:43 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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You clearly haven't read her whole backstory. She's made some mistakes but he's the one who burned it down. Please read up on her story.

Being cheated on sucks but it does not give anyone the right to abuse ww spouse or kids. If he couldn't deal with it then it was his right to divorce her, not to stick around and abuse all of them.
FYI affairs are NOT mistakes, they ARE choices.

Infidelity IS a form of abuse that nobody deserves to have it bestowed upon either. Two wrongs don't make a right.

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I assume when your wife cheated you did not spend the next number of years abusing her, you divorced her. That's what you do.
Yes and that's what the OP should have chosen after she became the victim of her abusive husband. I did not tolerate my XWW's abuse and neither should have the OP.

Infidelity doesn't solve anything, just destroys what remains of a marriage.

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post #139 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 06:49 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

And abuse warps the mind of the abused so that 'normal' choices no longer seem normal.
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post #140 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 06:51 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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We have no groceries, my kid is hungry, and he's off at his little girlfriends house with her kid eating dinner.
I would text exactly that to his guy friend AND the guy's wife.
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post #141 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 06:53 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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And abuse warps the mind of the abused so that 'normal' choices no longer seem normal.
That's a cop out. Even during the gut wrenching pain of discovering the video of my XWW having sex with the OM, I did not go out and paid her in kind or worse. We are ALL responsible for our choices.

'I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie.
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post #142 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 07:13 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

I agree morituri I have followed and advised her for a while. She fully owned her choices and even put up with abuse to try and appease him but he did not want to heal. He is a first class idiot and abuser. I never let anyone off the hook for cheating and rr has really tried hard to reconcile. If she had never cheated, I would advise her that the marriage is not worth hanging onto.

Since she did, I advised her about healing and what he was going through but the more I found out and the longer it went, the more I became convinced that he was always a bit of a loser and reconciliation would never work with him.
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post #143 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 07:21 PM
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FYI affairs are NOT mistakes, they ARE choices.

Infidelity IS a form of abuse that nobody deserves to have it bestowed upon either. Two wrongs don't make a right.



Yes and that's what the OP should have chosen after she became the victim of her abusive husband. I did not tolerate my XWW's abuse and neither should have the OP.

Infidelity doesn't solve anything, just destroys what remains of a marriage.
Eh, generally true but in this case they never really had a marriage. If you knew her story you'd know in his mind he had a business partner and free sex, and one he could abuse. Yeah she should've just left him but he deserves no sympathy whatsoever, in fact giving him any at all does a disservice to betrayed spouses who were decent people and continued to act like decent people. This guy made his own bed and will probably die in it thanks to his own choices.
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post #144 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 07:25 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

Conan, believe it or not, of the two, I feel more for her than I do for him. But if the abuse was there before the affair, her bad choices could not have only put her life at risk but the life of her children as well.

I've known spouses who became so unhinged that they either killed themselves or killed their unfaithful spouse. Thank God that was not the case here.

OP I truly hope that you do go ahead with the divorce and seek IC for yourself. You know that can't heal your X (that is his job) but you can heal yourself. God bless you and your children.

'I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie.
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post #145 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 07:35 PM
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Conan, believe it or not, of the two, I feel more for her than I do for him. But if the abuse was there before the affair, her bad choices could not have only put her life at risk but the life of her children as well.

I've known spouses who became so unhinged that they either killed themselves or killed their unfaithful spouse. Thank God that was not the case here.

OP I truly hope that you do go ahead with the divorce and seek IC for yourself. You know that can't heal your X (that is his job) but you can heal yourself. God bless you and your children.
Well that is certainly true. There was someone who used to post here that had a very abusive spouse and abruptly stopped posting. I still wonder if she's ok.

I really wish op would get the heck out of there.
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post #146 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 07:41 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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That's a cop out. Even during the gut wrenching pain of discovering the video of my XWW having sex with the OM, I did not go out and paid her in kind or worse. We are ALL responsible for our choices.
Bullshyte.

Until you have been subjugated by a stronger, manipulative, hateful person, you have NO IDEA what abuse does to a person, especially a woman, who is born and raised to see the best in people, to not raise a stink, to give second and twentieth chances, and to not be seen as demanding.

You men have absolutely NO IDEA what living with an abusive man does to a woman's self-belief, self-esteem, self-trust, and faith.

Don't speak about which you are ignorant.

Should abused women seek out an affair partner? Of course not.

Do abused women make excellent targets for men looking for women to cheat with? ABSOLUTELY, because they have, over a series of years or decades, been repeatedly, incessantly, non-stop been told they are stupid, unlovable, worthless, and that no man would EVER put up with them, let alone WANT THEM - except of course for the abuser, who is 'sacrificing' to just let the woman stay in his sphere. So when some man, ANY man, actually, who even speaks to her, let alone shows interest in her, abused women can barely KEEP from being drawn in to such men by that time.
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post #147 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 08:05 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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Bullshyte.

Until you have been subjugated by a stronger, manipulative, hateful person, you have NO IDEA what abuse does to a person, especially a woman, who is born and raised to see the best in people, to not raise a stink, to give second and twentieth chances, and to not be seen as demanding.

You men have absolutely NO IDEA what living with an abusive man does to a woman's self-belief, self-esteem, self-trust, and faith.

Don't speak about which you are ignorant.

Should abused women seek out an affair partner? Of course not.

Do abused women make excellent targets for men looking for women to cheat with? ABSOLUTELY, because they have, over a series of years or decades, been repeatedly, incessantly, non-stop been told they are stupid, unlovable, worthless, and that no man would EVER put up with them, let alone WANT THEM - except of course for the abuser, who is 'sacrificing' to just let the woman stay in his sphere. So when some man, ANY man, actually, who even speaks to her, let alone shows interest in her, abused women can barely KEEP from being drawn in to such men by that time.
Oh really? You don't think I have any idea of what it is to be abused "subjugated by a stronger, manipulative, hateful person"?

My mother was an alcoholic child abuser who had a penchant for cursing, kicking and punching me and my little brother and sister. I can still vividly recall my siblings cowering and seeking my protection when she started drinking and went on the warpath trying to take out her frustrations on us. I took quite a few beatings and foul mouth words for my siblings. Thankfully one day the b!tch drank herself to death. But even after her death, her legacy lived on through depression and suicide attempts by my brother and sister.

Unlike you and the OP, we were children. And before you ask where our father was? He died in an accident when I was 7 years old.

So get off you high horse for there are others who had it just as much or far worse than you and the OP could ever imagine.

Here's your bull$h!t back at ya.

'I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie.
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post #148 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 08:37 PM
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Bullshyte.

Until you have been subjugated by a stronger, manipulative, hateful person, you have NO IDEA what abuse does to a person, especially a woman, who is born and raised to see the best in people, to not raise a stink, to give second and twentieth chances, and to not be seen as demanding.

You men have absolutely NO IDEA what living with an abusive man does to a woman's self-belief, self-esteem, self-trust, and faith.

Don't speak about which you are ignorant.

Should abused women seek out an affair partner? Of course not.

Do abused women make excellent targets for men looking for women to cheat with? ABSOLUTELY, because they have, over a series of years or decades, been repeatedly, incessantly, non-stop been told they are stupid, unlovable, worthless, and that no man would EVER put up with them, let alone WANT THEM - except of course for the abuser, who is 'sacrificing' to just let the woman stay in his sphere. So when some man, ANY man, actually, who even speaks to her, let alone shows interest in her, abused women can barely KEEP from being drawn in to such men by that time.
Careful about all us men. I know.
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post #149 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 09:10 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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Oh really? You don't think I have any idea of what it is to be abused "subjugated by a stronger, manipulative, hateful person"?

My mother was an alcoholic child abuser who had a penchant for cursing, kicking and punching me and my little brother and sister. I can still vividly recall my siblings cowering and seeking my protection when she started drinking and went on the warpath trying to take out her frustrations on us. I took quite a few beatings and foul mouth words for my siblings. Thankfully one day the b!tch drank herself to death. But even after her death, her legacy lived on through depression and suicide attempts by my brother and sister.

Unlike you and the OP, we were children. And before you ask where our father was? He died in an accident when I was 7 years old.

So get off you high horse for there are others who had it just as much or far worse than you and the OP could ever imagine.

Here's your bull$h!t back at ya.
Being abused as a child is COMPLETELY different from being abused by the person you CHOOSE to marry and protect you.
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post #150 of 228 (permalink) Old 05-25-2015, 10:19 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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Being abused as a child is COMPLETELY different from being abused by the person you CHOOSE to marry and protect you.
Children DON'T CHOOSE their parents. Children can't defend themselves from the people who brought them into this world. From the people, who above all others, ARE morally and legally RESPONSIBLE for loving and protecting them.

'I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie.
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