It is unhealthy in the extreme. Listen, I know you're in a tough spot but you have no marriage.
Compare your marriage to a human body. Before you cheated it was sick with pneumonia. So the first time you cheated you took a shotgun and shoved it up the sick persons butt and blew the rectum and intestines up into the lungs. That pretty much killed the patient. That wasn't enough. The second time you cheated you pressed the shotgun to the patient's forehead and blew their brains out.
Your marriage was very sick and you totally killed it.
You two could start a new marriage all over but your H is still dragging the desecrated corpse of your old marriage around complaining about the smell.
I have said it before, just bury your old marriage, it is done.
It is unhealthy for you to remain with him and he isn't healing either.
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You paint a beautiful picture.
In all seriousness though, he occasionally feeds me little crumbs of hope and that's what I hang on to. We could start over, but it would take some kind of miracle. Maybe this baby will be the miracle we need. Probably not.
I really don't have anywhere to go right now, so I am kind of forced to wait it out at least until the baby is born and I can scrounge up some kind of job. I have the skills and education, and I'm no stranger to staying up all night working at home and turning around and being a stay at home mom. Daycare is outrageously expensive, especially for a newborn. My dad is selling his house and my mother just moved in with my grandmother, so there is seriously nothing to do but get my ducks in a row. I might have to rely on government assistance for a while, I don't know. I hate thinking about it. I hate accepting defeat.
In the meantime I hope maybe he'll come around and at least commit to one thing or the other. We had a beautiful relationship at one point in time, and I wish we could someday get back to that, but as you said it's next to impossible.
As far as the yelling and name-calling goes: if he starts up in front of our daughter I will just pack up and leave and come home when he passes out. She doesn't need to see it anymore. She already mockingly stomps around the house with a sour face and says "I am a man!", and says "Daddy doesn't like the baby". This breaks my heart.