One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #16 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:17 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

Honestly, I think that you know the answer to the question that you keep asking yourself, but the immense guilt that you feel at having engaged in adultery keeps you from embracing it.

And here's the thing... YOU. CAN'T. HEAL. HIM. Period. You CAN help him to heal, but only if he lets you.

Given that he's obviously made very little to no progress in this regard, AND the fact that he's basically taken steps to... well... STAY angry, I just don't think that he's cut out for reconciliation.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #17 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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It is unhealthy in the extreme. Listen, I know you're in a tough spot but you have no marriage.

Compare your marriage to a human body. Before you cheated it was sick with pneumonia. So the first time you cheated you took a shotgun and shoved it up the sick persons butt and blew the rectum and intestines up into the lungs. That pretty much killed the patient. That wasn't enough. The second time you cheated you pressed the shotgun to the patient's forehead and blew their brains out.

Your marriage was very sick and you totally killed it.

You two could start a new marriage all over but your H is still dragging the desecrated corpse of your old marriage around complaining about the smell.

I have said it before, just bury your old marriage, it is done.

It is unhealthy for you to remain with him and he isn't healing either.
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You paint a beautiful picture.

In all seriousness though, he occasionally feeds me little crumbs of hope and that's what I hang on to. We could start over, but it would take some kind of miracle. Maybe this baby will be the miracle we need. Probably not.

I really don't have anywhere to go right now, so I am kind of forced to wait it out at least until the baby is born and I can scrounge up some kind of job. I have the skills and education, and I'm no stranger to staying up all night working at home and turning around and being a stay at home mom. Daycare is outrageously expensive, especially for a newborn. My dad is selling his house and my mother just moved in with my grandmother, so there is seriously nothing to do but get my ducks in a row. I might have to rely on government assistance for a while, I don't know. I hate thinking about it. I hate accepting defeat.

In the meantime I hope maybe he'll come around and at least commit to one thing or the other. We had a beautiful relationship at one point in time, and I wish we could someday get back to that, but as you said it's next to impossible.

As far as the yelling and name-calling goes: if he starts up in front of our daughter I will just pack up and leave and come home when he passes out. She doesn't need to see it anymore. She already mockingly stomps around the house with a sour face and says "I am a man!", and says "Daddy doesn't like the baby". This breaks my heart.
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post #18 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:25 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

Gus is echoing me from when I responded to your previous thread. Two anonymous male posters can't be wrong. Right?��
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post #19 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

Two male posters, several other people here on TAM, my family, my best friend. I'm stubborn and I don't want to give up on this. I'm also afraid of starting over and afraid to admit I killed my marriage.

I still love him immensely and he tells me from time to time he loves me, and always has. So why can't we figure this out? It's frustrating.
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post #20 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:34 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

Oh and he's threatening to dump your cats?

F*CK. THAT. SH*T.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #21 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:37 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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Gus is echoing me from when I responded to your previous thread. Two anonymous male posters can't be wrong. Right?��
Anonymous? Reeeaaaaally?!?

What... you never saw Home Alone?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #22 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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Oh and he's threatening to dump your cats?

F*CK. THAT. SH*T.


I could start a whole new thread for that issue alone. He wants to euthanize his own cat because he never litter trained her. Because I won't let him, I am now responsible for cleaning the carpet every single day. As long as it keeps her alive I don't mind.

Pregnant ladies aren't supposed to touch cat poop though.... I wish I could cash in on that rule
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post #23 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:45 AM Thread Starter
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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Anonymous? Reeeaaaaally?!?

What... you never saw Home Alone?
Hahaha... I told my mom about this forum, and that I like to imagine I'm getting marriage advice from the late John Candy.
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post #24 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:47 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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I could start a whole new thread for that issue alone. He wants to euthanize his own cat because he never litter trained her. Because I won't let him, I am now responsible for cleaning the carpet every single day. As long as it keeps her alive I don't mind.

Pregnant ladies aren't supposed to touch cat poop though.... I wish I could cash in on that rule
My grandmother once told me that you could learn everything that you'd ever need to know about someone based on the way that he or she treated animals.

Seems to be pretty germane to your current situation.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #25 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:49 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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Hahaha... I told my mom about this forum, and that I like to imagine I'm getting marriage advice from the late John Candy.
LOL... one guy actually straight up called me "John Candy" in a reply one day. That had me chuckling for days.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #26 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:51 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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I could start a whole new thread for that issue alone. He wants to euthanize his own cat because he never litter trained her. Because I won't let him, I am now responsible for cleaning the carpet every single day. As long as it keeps her alive I don't mind.

Pregnant ladies aren't supposed to touch cat poop though.... I wish I could cash in on that rule
Very, very, very true...

Toxoplasma gondii - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #27 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:56 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

You have to be pretty young. How old are you? My oldest son is 26. Don't keep beating a dead horse. You really do have your whole life ahead of you. You cannot control your H. Yes, you could help him heal if he wanted to heal but he doesn't.

You can and do need to heal yourself. You are now aware of the damage of infidelity, of what it does to everyone including you. Learn, change and grow. It will not happen in your current situation and your children will be very harmed growing up in this "death" zone.
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post #28 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 12:59 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

P.S. Stop handling cat crap yesterday! The dangers are serious and your child is more important than a cat!

I am absolutely for responsibility in owning pets but never at the risk of human health.

Your infidelity is no excuse for your Hs neglect and abuse!
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post #29 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 01:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

I got stuck with the cat poop during my first pregnancy as well. If I'm not mistaken, there is only a threat if you have outdoor cats that poop inside, because they eat raw meat or something. My only outdoor cat only comes inside to eat, so I'm not terribly concerned. It is bs that my husband can't help out with that one thing, but whatever.

Also, I'm 26- good call! When I did leave my situation (a couple months ago) for a few days to stay at my mom's old town home, I started to get a little hopeful and excited about the future. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I still missed my husband though and went right back to him after the first "I miss you" he texted me. So, it's not hopeless if I end up getting a divorce. It's just not how I hoped this would turn out.
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post #30 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-13-2015, 01:22 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

Yup. Understand but at least you can come out a better person and there are some good candidates out there for husbands. Who knows? Maybe a divorce is what your H needs to get better.
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