One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #46 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-16-2015, 10:57 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
Just take your time sweetheart. Yes, I am calling you a sweetheart. I think you have heard enough about what you allowed yourself to become and I am choosing to believe you are becoming someone different and won't ever cheat again.

Your H is backwards and destructive. He will never get well and he will never allow you to get well either. He will stain your children with bitterness and hate. They will grow up twisted under the torment of his hatred of you.

Be firm in your resolve. Take what time you need. Stop taking anymore fvcking abuse! When it is feasible, leave and never look back.

There is no excuse for the decisions you made to lower yourself and be violated and there should be no excuses to prevent you from repenting, healing and growing beyond all of it either.

Your H can't be held responsible for your cheating and he sure as hell should not be the reason you don't get healthier and feel better about yourself.

He is responsible for abusing you. You may have deserved ridicule and shame even divorce for what you did but never abuse!

There is a time also, when the ridicule needs to turn to encouragement and the shame to self esteem.

Your H does not have any understanding and is just using this as an excuse to hurt you forever. His heart is revealed and it is full of darkness.

Be well. You need to continue healing for yourself and your children and even the man who will cherish you above all others. You haven't met him yet but you will if you invest in yourself, your wellbeing and that of your children.

You should never have cheated but it has revealed the cesspool that is in your Hs heart.

Best wishes.
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I appreciate the positive words. After hearing nothing but negativity, that's refreshing . The pressure is really on now for me to leave.

He came home after another day at the bar, and got an attitude with me because I asked him to please at least tell me if he's not coming home after work. I told him not to get an attitude with me when he hasn't spoken to me all day and he went off in front of our daughter. Again.

I went into our bedroom crying and tried to shut the door but he stood in the doorway blocking me, even after I tried to physically move him and told him to leave me alone. He kept screaming and refused to let me shut the door, the whole time our daughter is right there. The dinner I just cooked is sitting at the table getting cold. When I I finally did shut and lock the door he continued screaming and calling me every name in the book. I'm surprised he didn't hit me. I'm scared and upset, and need to leave before he physically attacks me.

He even ridiculed me for asking him to stop fighting in front of our daughter, saying I'm responsible for her having to see this. F**king ridiculous. I need to find some way out. Is there a forum on here where I can find resources for stay at home moms/ pregnant ladies/ full time graduate students who need help?

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post #47 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-17-2015, 09:27 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

OK youngster. I am not up to speed on the programs you are talking about but I know they are there.

There is a poster here called Ele_Girl. She seems quite educated about help programs for ladies in your situation.

What area do you live in?

Be strong. The damage being done to you is bad enough but it is terrible what is being done to your daughter.

Would you like me to ask Ele for you?
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post #48 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-17-2015, 10:10 AM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

Feel for you Mate
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post #49 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-17-2015, 12:07 PM Thread Starter
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OK youngster. I am not up to speed on the programs you are talking about but I know they are there.

There is a poster here called Ele_Girl. She seems quite educated about help programs for ladies in your situation.

What area do you live in?

Be strong. The damage being done to you is bad enough but it is terrible what is being done to your daughter.

Would you like me to ask Ele for you?
I'd appreciate that. I've seen her posts all over this board. I am sure I can find place to go if necessary, but I feel like it would be more wise to avoid him in my own home until I can get a job and do my research.

I think it's bs for to me to uproot at 7 months pregnant because he wants to blow up and shout every night. It's even more ridiculous that he defended himself when I told him to cool it in front of our child. He believes "she will find out either way, so there's no need to sugar coat it." And this is part of my p**sy parenting method that shelters her from reality. (Because I have a minor in child development and don't believe in spanking, that makes me an idiot and a p**sy and somehow is related to him yelling in front of her- his logic, not mine). Anyway I'm including so much detail so I don't forget exactly what he said and did. It's more for personal reasons than oversharing with this forum, sorry.

I'm in the Houston area in Texas.
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post #50 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-17-2015, 12:09 PM Thread Starter
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I appreciate the support and advice you all provided.
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post #51 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-17-2015, 12:12 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

We all care about you and hate to see you being abused like this. You don't deserve any of it.
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post #52 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-17-2015, 12:34 PM Thread Starter
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We all care about you and hate to see you being abused like this. You don't deserve any of it.
I do deserve the anger and rejection on days he has triggers, but I have to draw a line somewhere. He thinks by not allowing abuse I'm trying to draw up my own terms for reconciliation when the affair was all on me.

I've tried and tried to explain that I'm just standing up for myself as a human being but it falls on deaf ears. I'm wasting my time with him.
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post #53 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-17-2015, 12:57 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

That's because you're dealing with a drunk. Drunks don't behave in rationalized civilized manors. It sounds like things are escalating. I'm scared for you.
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post #54 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-17-2015, 03:31 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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I do deserve the anger and rejection on days he has triggers, but I have to draw a line somewhere. He thinks by not allowing abuse I'm trying to draw up my own terms for reconciliation when the affair was all on me.
Honestly, it sounds like he hasn't stopped triggering.

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I've tried and tried to explain that I'm just standing up for myself as a human being but it falls on deaf ears. I'm wasting my time with him.
Hallelujah!

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #55 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-17-2015, 03:58 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

Beyond a drunk, you're dealing with an abusive drunk. You simply gave him a reason to justify and ramp up the abuse. He isn't capable of reconciling, he's just too big of a pr!ck to give up his punching bag.

He doesn't know how to be a decent hb, he only knows how to be nasty and abusive. That's why he's ramped it up, he figures he wasn't nasty enough. Being a decent human being is beyond him.

You're not doing him a favor to keep holding on.
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post #56 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-17-2015, 04:06 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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I think it's bs for to me to uproot at 7 months pregnant because he wants to blow up and shout every night.
It's TOTAL bullsh*t, but at some point you need to be more concerned about your safety -- as well as that of your daughter and unborn child -- than whether or not you should have to move because your husband is an abusive rage monster.

Have you checked into whether or not the college that you're attending offers any sort of assistance programs geared toward women in abusive relationships?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #57 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-18-2015, 04:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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Honestly, it sounds like he hasn't stopped triggering.



Hallelujah!


As long as he refers to his own child as a "Trophy of Deceit" I don't think he will stop triggering, as the child lives in my belly and he sees it every day. My school doesn't offer any help for abusive relationships, and I'm a distance student, so I can't take advantage of their free counseling. My grandmother has room for me and when I get on my feet she has land and utility hookups. Maybe I can build one of those awesome tiny homes everyone is talking about. Who knows.

My husband has barely spoken to me since the fighting. During the fight he said he hates me and wanted a divorce all along, but won't file because he doesn't want to do all the work for my mistakes. So I guess I'll have to file whenever my money tree starts blooming, because he already decided he's going to fight any child support I ask for.
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post #58 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-18-2015, 05:12 PM
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Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW

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As long as he refers to his own child as a "Trophy of Deceit" I don't think he will stop triggering, as the child lives in my belly and he sees it every day. My school doesn't offer any help for abusive relationships, and I'm a distance student, so I can't take advantage of their free counseling. My grandmother has room for me and when I get on my feet she has land and utility hookups. Maybe I can build one of those awesome tiny homes everyone is talking about. Who knows.

My husband has barely spoken to me since the fighting. During the fight he said he hates me and wanted a divorce all along, but won't file because he doesn't want to do all the work for my mistakes. So I guess I'll have to file whenever my money tree starts blooming, because he already decided he's going to fight any child support I ask for.
He can fight it all he wants, but he's going to have to pay it either way.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #59 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-18-2015, 05:35 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rrhouse View Post
As long as he refers to his own child as a "Trophy of Deceit" I don't think he will stop triggering, as the child lives in my belly and he sees it every day. My school doesn't offer any help for abusive relationships, and I'm a distance student, so I can't take advantage of their free counseling. My grandmother has room for me and when I get on my feet she has land and utility hookups. Maybe I can build one of those awesome tiny homes everyone is talking about. Who knows.

My husband has barely spoken to me since the fighting. During the fight he said he hates me and wanted a divorce all along, but won't file because he doesn't want to do all the work for my mistakes. So I guess I'll have to file whenever my money tree starts blooming, because he already decided he's going to fight any child support I ask for.
He can fight it all he wants, but he's going to have to pay it either way.

I think he thinks I'm going to try to take him for all he's worth. We've only been married for two and a half years, so it's not like there's much to claim. It's not worth the battle to me and I wouldn't ask for anything else anyway, because I violated the marriage.

I think he's just really excited to tell a judge that I'm an adulteress (his favorite word to use) and prove that I'm a bad role model and unfit parent. He has never bathed our daughter, never taken her anywhere, or even spent more than a few hours alone with her... yet im the unfit parent. I tried to tell him adultery doesn't affect child support or custody but he is apparently the expert. I don't want spousal support because I know I won't get it, so I don't know why he's gearing up for battle.
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post #60 of 228 (permalink) Old 01-18-2015, 05:38 PM Thread Starter
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Also, if I'm not mistaken there's something called "condonence" (sp?) that cancels out the fault of adultery if he "forgave" me in the eyes of the law, by continuing to be intimate with me and live a normal married life. I'm not sure how true that is, but there's that. In case he tries to take my daughter away or some ridiculous nonsense.
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