Re: One Sided "Reconciliation"- I am WW
Just an update:
Today I was able to talk to my husband in a civilized manner. He didn't apologize for the screaming and namecalling, but he did tell me that he feels like he's stuck and will be forever in this stage of grief from what I did to him. I am out of ideas to help him heal or move forward, and it sucks. I told him if he feels like he can never forgive me, then it's best for everyone to just call too far gone and let go.
It's not healthy for him to be around me if he hates me and I'm a constant trigger. It's not healthy for me to be around someone who will forever see me as the worst version of myself- not allowing me to grow or come up from rock bottom. Most importantly it's not healthy for our daughter. Not only is this providing a horrible example of marriage, but H an I are both too tense around each other to be proper parents. The new baby is likely going to feel the rejection from H not accepting her.
He wants to stay together and stay married because he doesn't want everyone's quality of life *financially speaking* to suffer from the divorce. We would all be struggling financially, but I feel like emotional stability is more important than a fancy house and spoiling our child. He told me if we divorced he's basically going to give up on relationships. For that reason he'd rather be married and have a miserable sex life than single and hopeless. That's a horrible state of mind to be in.
I'm hoping this is just one of the phases BS's go through. I already knew his first wife also cheated on him, but today he told me he also had a serious girlfriend cheat on him as well. And then me. So now he is questioning himself and has no self worth. I don't know how to deal with all of this right now... I'm hoping maybe I can help the situation before the baby comes. If things are this bleak when I'm physically able to set him free, I'm going to have to leave. I'm worried about our daughter associating the new baby with her parents separating, resulting in our daughter also disliking the baby.
Again I'm going crazy because I feel so horrible for hurting him but at the same time I'm so angry with him for hurting me. So confusing.