How long were you apart before reconciling? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #16 of 127 (permalink) Old 06-05-2011, 02:37 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

evian123 -- thanks for your story. My husband has left me more than 2 weeks ago and so far the single life for him has been nothing short of a euphoria, while I suffer in agony longing for him beside me. I was wrong at first by begging and pleading him. Now, I am letting him get all the space and time and it is still too early to see any signs of him regretting what he has done. But I am really, really praying that this euphoria will wear off and he will soon realise that marriage is not really the problem in general - or if ever it is, it's not something we cannot find a solution to. I am still his wife loving him from afar.

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post #17 of 127 (permalink) Old 06-07-2011, 03:48 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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Originally Posted by CLRHAR View Post
I have been fighting for my marriage now for over a year. Physically separated now for 4 months from my home and children. I am pouring everything I can into saving my marriage. You get one chance at this life, one chance at having a happy family and I am hell-bent on reversing this living nightmare back to what was once the happiest point in our lives together.
Sorry, have to disagree, I have had it twice, the next time, if there is a next time, will be the last one

Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
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post #18 of 127 (permalink) Old 06-07-2011, 05:58 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

After 6 months of separation we had 3 months of better times, but my pressuring for a return to 'normal' relations forced us apart again. We are still living together but it doesn't feel like marriage. I underestimated the hurt and pain on her shoulders and worry that this was our last chance.

Having tried living apart away from her and my daughter I know I don't like or want that.

Going to Relate conselling this evening for the first time will hopefully prove useful, but fearing the worst.
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post #19 of 127 (permalink) Old 07-25-2011, 11:49 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

No luck here. Not looking forward to the single life either. Getting served divorce papers today....darn it.
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post #20 of 127 (permalink) Old 07-26-2011, 06:02 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

1) Been apart for 4 days - he's saying he needs a week or two.

2)He says he hasn't given up on us, he's just hurting. we're working toward reconcilation.

3)to be announced

I dont know if any reconcillation can ever just be considered success or still working on it. It's a marriage, it's always going to be something to work on. It takes two to make it work
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post #21 of 127 (permalink) Old 07-27-2011, 11:03 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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1) Been apart for 4 days - he's saying he needs a week or two.

2)He says he hasn't given up on us, he's just hurting. we're working toward reconcilation.

3)to be announced

I dont know if any reconcillation can ever just be considered success or still working on it. It's a marriage, it's always going to be something to work on. It takes two to make it work
@Anonymiss my best advise is do not rush back in to fast. Yes you want them back and yes you really want the marriage to work, but make sure you are both really ready to put the effort in.

This happened with my wife and I. She left once then came back after about 3 weeks, but we never solved the problems. So they just kept on existing fast forward 6 months and we are separated again. I understand that feeling of wanting them back more then anything, but take the time and make sure you really understand what is happening.

We are still talking and neither of us want a divorce, but we are both very raw, hurt, frustrated and angry still. Some of the needs to pass before any real healing can happen.

Best of luck to you and everyone else currently in a separation.
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post #22 of 127 (permalink) Old 07-27-2011, 03:12 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

There is definitely a very thin line between letting it pass, and letting it all just fade away...

I'm in a 3 month-old separation with my W of 6 years, and it seems that both of us have moved on and we may not have anything left... I'm speaking from experience, I am starting to forget about the feelings I have/had for my W and I wont be surprised if she has as well...

I guess NO ONE really knows the perfect timing, it will happen when the time is right and you will both know when it is. dont rush on it, it maybe worse fixing a very deep wound than waiting for it to heal and touch-upon completely healing the scar...
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post #23 of 127 (permalink) Old 08-03-2011, 09:11 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

My wife and I was separated for 3 years because I was an alcoholic. I've been in and out of AA but it was only in 2009 that I was really over it. What triggered reconciliation was that I realized I could never be with anybody else and I knew that my wife have always wanted the best for me. She had always been a big support even when we separated by telling me that everything's gonna get better. She loved me at my worst and I realized I wanna work on our marriage. I consider it a success despite many challenges along the way. She's the greatest woman on earth and I'm glad I realized that.
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post #24 of 127 (permalink) Old 08-05-2011, 08:45 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

1) How long were you apart before reconciling? Almost 2 years of living apart and dating other people etc. And as "fatiguedfatherof4" states you need to be prepared to accept what the other partner has done during separation. It's very difficult and causes fights to this day!

2) Is the reconciliation a success or still working on it? Generally a success but still a work in progress...

3) What triggered reconciliation? Basically he was there for me at my lowest point
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post #25 of 127 (permalink) Old 08-06-2011, 10:16 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

We were apart a year and a half, he came back to me, guess the grass wasnt greener. were still working on us, I myself have no desire to know what he did during the separation. Were leaving all that in the past. People separate for a reason, they have issues, so why bring more issues into the reconciliation, like what the other spouse did during separation, its just more to fight about, besides I figure I had no indication he was coming back and had he not came back it wouldnt have been my business to know what he did while separated, just like its none of his business what I did(nothing but he dont no that).


were doing great so far and thats what matters. If we keep bringing up what went on during separation we will never make it.

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post #26 of 127 (permalink) Old 08-15-2011, 06:01 PM
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Separated 4.5 months after 21 years...I'm having a hard time coping.

We 'talk' but only about our child, house et al. Beyond that, he doesn't initiate contact. I asked him a couple of months ago what the chances were of reconciliation, but he did not answer. When he comes over, he talks to me, but for some reason, barely looks at me when he answers a question. He has always been an avoider of issues and has difficulty with communication at the best of times. He's living with a family member and has hinted that once our separation is legal, he will move out on his own. I am so terribly saddened to see such pain in his eyes when I see him. I wish I could reach out to him and tell him how much I care, miss him, but know in my heart, it's fruitless, as he won't respond.
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post #27 of 127 (permalink) Old 08-17-2011, 12:34 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

My H left for 3 months in 2000. Later found out the time he left coincided with the divorce of his old high school GF. He came back and we managed to stay together until late 2003 but it was never the same. He left me again in Dec of 2003 and he's been living with her for at least 2 years now. Fool that I am, I'm just now realizing she's the one he really loves, not me, and he's not coming back.
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post #28 of 127 (permalink) Old 08-18-2011, 07:04 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

1) Our separation lasted ten weeks, from October 15 to Christmas Eve of last year. This October we'll be married twenty years (together for over 22). My husband, simply put (but not trying to understate the pain and trauma), had a midlife crisis and took off.

2) I would consider our reconciliation mostly successful. We have a better, stronger, loving marriage with more open communication. We no longer take each other for granted. The only lingering problems are over his PA and EA during the separation, with an ex-girlfriend, but he is completely transparent, cut off contact with her back in January, is truly sorry; and I am finally... I'll never forget, and it'll always cause me pain, but we both recognize that it's something I'll be working through for awhile.

3) What triggered the reconciliation? I was getting ready to move on, getting psychiatric help (I developed severe depression and an anxiety disorder after he left me), start a "new life", and my H's fog finally started lifting, and he saw that he was about to lose me forever, and didn't want that. He decided that he wanted the love of his life back. I was sort of tricked into the reconciliation because I didn't know about the PA/EA until two weeks later, but here's the thing: we both came back knowing that we'd do anything to save our marriage. I'd never wanted the divorce. Despite all the pain he caused me, we were both resolved.

So, another happy story here. I truly do wish it was the same for all of you.
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post #29 of 127 (permalink) Old 08-25-2011, 07:02 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

After 3 months, 5 days, and 8 hours -- MY husband has decided to come back and be with me forever.

I hated everything about the separation and there wasn't a single moment that I didn't wish I have my husband back. I didn't want to do the 180 -- I CAN'T. I just missed him so badly.

And so instead of moving on, I did the opposite. I showed him more love and affection than before, I showed him that I have changed and I'm just purely loving him with no expectations in return. It wasn't easy. Most of the time, he would just floor me and tell me that he doesn't love me and ask me to leave him alone. There was even a point when he doesn't even want to be friends - he was being a jerk just so I leave him alone.

But I didn't. I CAN'T... I kept faith. I just continued to show him that I love him.

Yesterday, we had a serious talk and YES -- he is coming back!! :smthu mbup:

So, it's really possible.. I wouldn't advise this to everyone else, because it's truly not easy and there are people who just wants to move on with their lives and find someone else. But in case, you really love your partner and you are willing to take this path, then I would say that it's truly worth all of it...

You can read my thread at My husband left me but I am NOT giving up and you can see that most people have told me to move on.. I was stubborn.. I CAN'T. I love my husband so much..
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post #30 of 127 (permalink) Old 08-25-2011, 07:06 PM
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Originally Posted by yourbabygirl View Post
After 3 months, 5 days, and 8 hours -- MY husband has decided to come back and be with me forever.

I hated everything about the separation and there wasn't a single moment that I didn't wish I have my husband back. I didn't want to do the 180 -- I CAN'T. I just missed him so badly.

And so instead of moving on, I did the opposite. I showed him more love and affection than before, I showed him that I have changed and I'm just purely loving him with no expectations in return. It wasn't easy. Most of the time, he would just floor me and tell me that he doesn't love me and ask me to leave him alone. There was even a point when he doesn't even want to be friends - he was being a jerk just so I leave him alone.

But I didn't. I CAN'T... I kept faith. I just continued to show him that I love him.

Yesterday, we had a serious talk and YES -- he is coming back!! :smthu mbup:

So, it's really possible.. I wouldn't advise this to everyone else, because it's truly not easy and there are people who just wants to move on with their lives and find someone else. But in case, you really love your partner and you are willing to take this path, then I would say that it's truly worth all of it...

You can read my thread at My husband left me but I am NOT giving up and you can see that most people have told me to move on.. I was stubborn.. I CAN'T. I love my husband so much..
It is so nice to see some positive stories in the midst of all of the negative. It does happen. I'm praying that I may have a happy ending to my saga. Only God knows the end.
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