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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Reconciliation » How long were you apart before reconciling?

Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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Old 08-25-2011, 07:20 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

I love that.

I'm on month 2. Things are improving...we'll see.
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Old 08-26-2011, 08:31 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Well I'm just over 6 months divorced and having terrible trouble with the whole situation. I needed six months to clear the fog but ex-wife has either moved on or doesn't feel her fog has lifted. Moved out Feb and tried to open lines of communication weeks ago. Although we are now talking basically everyday it is only surface stuff and not addressing our feelings. I guess that is a start.

She keeps giving me mixed signals. I will do my best to give her space but it is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. I try and think of other things but can not seem to break the cycle yet.

I still have strong feelings for her and I predict she is going to be really hurt soon with our seconds childs birthday and then the holidays coming up. She has no family near and my family has started considering her a friend and has expressed feelings that she will not be welcome during those traditional family times.

I guess I have to sit on the sidelines, work on me and see what happens.
We were married for 19 years and together 22.
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Old 08-26-2011, 02:45 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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Originally Posted by Shoeguy View Post
Well I'm just over 6 months divorced and having terrible trouble with the whole situation. I needed six months to clear the fog but ex-wife has either moved on or doesn't feel her fog has lifted. Moved out Feb and tried to open lines of communication weeks ago. Although we are now talking basically everyday it is only surface stuff and not addressing our feelings. I guess that is a start.

She keeps giving me mixed signals. I will do my best to give her space but it is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. I try and think of other things but can not seem to break the cycle yet.

I still have strong feelings for her and I predict she is going to be really hurt soon with our seconds childs birthday and then the holidays coming up. She has no family near and my family has started considering her a friend and has expressed feelings that she will not be welcome during those traditional family times.

I guess I have to sit on the sidelines, work on me and see what happens.
We were married for 19 years and together 22.
Patiece my friend.
I am going through the same thing and it's hard.
Although, we haven't divorced. but separted 4 months. The fog is lifting and we are talking alot more.
Don't expect to get to the deep issues for some time. Some things may never come up due to embarrassment.

Just work on the situation at hand and take it show.

Although, we aren't back together yet.
but some real progress is being made.
last night, where she lives with her brother and sister in law. The sister in law was itching to talk to my son and his gf big time, since my wife was at work.
Plus, for what the sons gf says, the sister in law seems to think the wife will be moving back home in a week or two.
I don't know, I am just hearing bits and pieces and alot of speculating.
being that she lives with her brother and his wife. they would probably know exactly what is going on, with the ife talking to them and etc.

I just hope they are right.
Then again, I would love to hear it from her.

But who knows. We are supposed to go work out together afterwhile. That, or I'm sure, I'll talk to her sometime tonight.

But, in the mean time..be strong and patient.
Unfortuatily, these things take time and time isn't easy thing to deal with.
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Old 08-30-2011, 03:51 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

I too am just sat on the side lines eternally hoping. 3 months for me.
Husband said he was so unhappy and that i was controlling. Says he would never want to go through the hurt again. Says i am not worth the risk. He thinks he can be happier elsewhere (with new woman).

I am about to move 250 miles away from him. Knowing that he loves his job and that he will never come after me.
The hope is the poisoning factor. Whilst there is hope it stops you moving on.
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Old 08-30-2011, 04:06 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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The hope is the poisoning factor. Whilst there is hope it stops you moving on.
This is where I'm at, too. The bible actually says in "Proverbs 13:12 (NLT) Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life. I think it's pretty accurate. It's not really that I don't believe restoration or reconciliation can or will happen. It's just the time it takes for it to become a reality. All one can really do is wait.
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Old 09-09-2011, 07:07 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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I hated everything about the separation and there wasn't a single moment that I didn't wish I have my husband back. I didn't want to do the 180 -- I CAN'T. I just missed him so badly.

And so instead of moving on, I did the opposite. I showed him more love and affection than before, I showed him that I have changed and I'm just purely loving him with no expectations in return. It wasn't easy. Most of the time, he would just floor me and tell me that he doesn't love me and ask me to leave him alone. There was even a point when he doesn't even want to be friends - he was being a jerk just so I leave him alone.

But I didn't. I CAN'T... I kept faith. I just continued to show him that I love him.

Yesterday, we had a serious talk and YES -- he is coming back!! :smthu mbup:

So, it's really possible.. I wouldn't advise this to everyone else, because it's truly not easy and there are people who just wants to move on with their lives and find someone else. But in case, you really love your partner and you are willing to take this path, then I would say that it's truly worth all of it...
First off, how wonderful that you and your husband are back together!! I wish you all the luck and love in the world.

Your story's a lot like mine. I could NOT do the 180, and my H told me repeatedly that he wasn't in love with me, just wanted to be alone, etc. But in the end, me telling him how much I still loved him and knew we could work things out worked, because he said later that he was glad I did that. It echoed repeatedly in his mind and made him realize that yes, he was still in love with me.
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Old 09-09-2011, 08:22 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

1) Separated for about 9 months.

2) It's going pretty good..we have good/bad days, but overall, pretty good..I think we understand each other a lot better now.

3) We both realized that we loved each other, and that the thought of spending the rest of our lives apart would be unbearable.
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Old 09-12-2011, 11:20 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

I have been married for 29 years (with alot of issues) we have all the typical marraige gone wrong issues, sex, money, infidelity, alcohol. We have been seperated for the first time 1 year now. We have a divorce pending that we plan to go through with. Here is the problem-I love him with all my heart, and he loves me with all his heart. We have never had very good communication skills. This is the root of most of our problems. Here is the part where I am very confused: We recently had a meeting, we experienced new communication that worked. In this meeting we discussed, that maybe we should go to counseling to see if we could save what we both have we are still getting a divorce. This attempt at reconciliation will run concurent. I have come a really long way and am confused if this is normal reactions or do I run. He has had affairs and I never have. We were 16 when we met so have been together for 37 years. Any ideas, I do plan on continuing with my self improvements for me. That I will not set aside.
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Old 09-17-2011, 02:52 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Going on two months for us. Im hearing she wants nothing to do with me ever again... etc... hurting big time.... but im hoping in time she will calm and talk with me so we can deal with this together thru counseling.
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Old 09-21-2011, 07:27 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

1) We've been appart for 3 years before we decided to get back together and get married
2) Things look the same to me, same issues, same things to fight about,even more often.
3) I decided i wanted to be with him for good, now i think he didn't appreciate the second chance, but we're still working on things
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Old 09-23-2011, 04:26 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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We were seperated about 6 weeks before I let him move back in. It took less than 2 weeks and he's gone again. Don't think reconciliation is going to work for us. Too much emotional pain that I don't think he's willing to work on. H doesn't feel marriage should be that much hard work
Every marriage takes work! He won't find one that doesn't, so if he plans to stay single for the rest of his life, he will succeed. He is kidding himself. Work has its rewards and difficulties, marriage is no different.
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Old 09-26-2011, 10:30 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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I love that.

I'm on month 2. Things are improving...we'll see.
Three months to the day and my husband is home.

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Old 09-26-2011, 10:36 AM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

There were a couple of months that my wife and I weren't on speaking terms, but then... she brought me something for my birthday..., and then I agreed to a date...

dating... was iffy, IMO, in the beginning. 5 months later I finally agreed to let her move back in since she rarely went back to her compartment (apartment) anyway.
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Old 09-26-2011, 03:16 PM   #44 (permalink)
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After 3 months, 5 days, and 8 hours -- MY husband has decided to come back and be with me forever.

I hated everything about the separation and there wasn't a single moment that I didn't wish I have my husband back. I didn't want to do the 180 -- I CAN'T. I just missed him so badly.

And so instead of moving on, I did the opposite. I showed him more love and affection than before, I showed him that I have changed and I'm just purely loving him with no expectations in return. It wasn't easy. Most of the time, he would just floor me and tell me that he doesn't love me and ask me to leave him alone. There was even a point when he doesn't even want to be friends - he was being a jerk just so I leave him alone.

But I didn't. I CAN'T... I kept faith. I just continued to show him that I love him.

Yesterday, we had a serious talk and YES -- he is coming back!! :smthu mbup:

So, it's really possible.. I wouldn't advise this to everyone else, because it's truly not easy and there are people who just wants to move on with their lives and find someone else. But in case, you really love your partner and you are willing to take this path, then I would say that it's truly worth all of it...

You can read my thread at My husband left me but I am NOT giving up and you can see that most people have told me to move on.. I was stubborn.. I CAN'T. I love my husband so much..
YBG - can you list some examples on what you did\said -- I feel I am in a similar situation as you. And a few talks went OK with H - but still not convinced things will ever stay good - that "good" changes won't last - and he may have even found an apt. Please help.
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Old 09-26-2011, 03:58 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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1) How long were you apart before reconciling?
6 months

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2) Is the reconciliation a success or still working on it?
Still working on it - we are doing very well a year after getting back together, but it will be a work in progress for a while I think

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3) What triggered reconciliation?
I decided to take him back after infidelity, after I went through my own counseling and determined that's what I wanted. He agreed.
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