How long were you apart before reconciling? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #46 of 127 (permalink) Old 10-21-2011, 04:57 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

about 2 years.

we are still working on it and I won't live with him yet.

sex brought us back together that and another man.

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post #47 of 127 (permalink) Old 10-25-2011, 04:31 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Wife wanted a separation. 2 months later we reconciled. Still working on it. 1 month into reconciliation, she told me she had an EA and realized grass is not greener on the other side, that's why she came back. Hurt like hell, but still working on it.
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post #48 of 127 (permalink) Old 11-04-2011, 12:26 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

5 months.
We actually got a divorce and re-united 2 days afterwards.

It's been a wild ride..I never want to take again.
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post #49 of 127 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 11:37 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

ArtLady, you have just posted I think almost an IDENTICAL story to what I am in living right now. (maybe not identical life, family, etc, but the exgirlfriend and so many years together and midlife crisis..)
I would appreciate more than you could know if I could talk to you in an email.
I have been married for 17 years and my husband moved out on Oct 4th (it's now Nov 17th) and he is involved with a high school girlfriend-on the phone...she lives 12 hours away but it is clearly an emotional affair and he wants to 'try to see if it will work' in January. I feel I am fighting against time but at the same time I feel like I need to back off completely because I did too much begging and pleading...this is devastating to me. We have 4 children together and are in the middle of a terrible financial crisis and I think because he just turned 39 (day after he moved out and the same week that his coworker left for a council trip...paid for by the company-my husband had always made this trip for our family until this year and now we have to sell our home, too)
Is there anyway to private message in these forums? I need hope for reconciliation and ideas on what helps/hurts. I definitely contributed with being controling and demanding and he was always nice and accomodating and I complained. Ugh. What a wake up call. I have seen a counselor for a month and a half and majorly worked on my issues.
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post #50 of 127 (permalink) Old 03-07-2012, 09:07 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

One and a half years. I became pregnant with our third child during the third month of our separation.

The reconciliation is a success, but there is still a lot of room for growth as individuals and as a couple. We now have a date night every Saturday and we are loving that, but today I made a stupid mistake by waking him up after he had less than an hour's worth of sleep from editing a friend's film. :/

What triggered R for us was his finally letting go of the fear of truly loving himself, and then me. He had very low self-esteem and looked to other women to build himself up. I, too, had really low self-worth at the time and would look to him to validate myself.

It IS possible to have a successful R. But it takes prayers, a deeply positive mindset on your part, and taking good care of yourself while you are separated. The tricky part is you have to be okay with not reconciling. Release the need to control the outcome of your marriage to the Universe or to God. Recognize that the separation is an opportunity for growth for both of you.
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post #51 of 127 (permalink) Old 03-07-2012, 09:35 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

I am still waiting. I think I will will file in a few months.
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post #52 of 127 (permalink) Old 03-07-2012, 09:43 PM
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One and a half years. I became pregnant with our third child during the third month of our separation.

The reconciliation is a success, but there is still a lot of room for growth as individuals and as a couple. We now have a date night every Saturday and we are loving that, but today I made a stupid mistake by waking him up after he had less than an hour's worth of sleep from editing a friend's film. :/

What triggered R for us was his finally letting go of the fear of truly loving himself, and then me. He had very low self-esteem and looked to other women to build himself up. I, too, had really low self-worth at the time and would look to him to validate myself.

It IS possible to have a successful R. But it takes prayers, a deeply positive mindset on your part, and taking good care of yourself while you are separated. The tricky part is you have to be okay with not reconciling. Release the need to control the outcome of your marriage to the Universe or to God. Recognize that the separation is an opportunity for growth for both of you.
Thanks for posting. I wish you and your husband well.

I'm praying God has reconciliation in his plans for us but I'm fearing we are close to the end at least from my husbands point of view.
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post #53 of 127 (permalink) Old 03-08-2012, 12:53 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadwithouthim View Post
Thanks for posting. I wish you and your husband well.

I'm praying God has reconciliation in his plans for us but I'm fearing we are close to the end at least from my husbands point of view.
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Thank you, sad. Hey, there...smile. Don't be so sad.

I know it's awfully hard. It was for me during those 1 1/2 years. I was pregnant, clinically depressed, hardly gained weight. I went to counseling, which helped a lot. I learned how to remake myself as a high-value person, one who wasn't going to put up with his emotional abandonment and affairs.

I dated myself, went out with friends, took up and graduated with honors from a short chocolatier course, and everyday just kept reminding myself how blessed I was still. I really put me and the kids first and forced myself to stop pining for him. I put in my mind that were truly over by then, and I was doing my best to move forward with my life. It was when he noticed how happy I was within that he showed signs of wanting to reconcile.

Take care of yourself, hon, and I mean really take care of yourself. At this time in your life, YOU (and your children, if you have any) come first. Let him be. You have to force yourself to focus on loving yourself, pursuing your passions, exploring what life has to offer. Love will come (it may not be with your husband, or it may be) when you and the other person are ready.
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post #54 of 127 (permalink) Old 03-08-2012, 08:16 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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Originally Posted by artlady View Post
1) Our separation lasted ten weeks, from October 15 to Christmas Eve of last year. This October we'll be married twenty years (together for over 22). My husband, simply put (but not trying to understate the pain and trauma), had a midlife crisis and took off.

2) I would consider our reconciliation mostly successful. We have a better, stronger, loving marriage with more open communication. We no longer take each other for granted. The only lingering problems are over his PA and EA during the separation, with an ex-girlfriend, but he is completely transparent, cut off contact with her back in January, is truly sorry; and I am finally... I'll never forget, and it'll always cause me pain, but we both recognize that it's something I'll be working through for awhile.

3) What triggered the reconciliation? I was getting ready to move on, getting psychiatric help (I developed severe depression and an anxiety disorder after he left me), start a "new life", and my H's fog finally started lifting, and he saw that he was about to lose me forever, and didn't want that. He decided that he wanted the love of his life back. I was sort of tricked into the reconciliation because I didn't know about the PA/EA until two weeks later, but here's the thing: we both came back knowing that we'd do anything to save our marriage. I'd never wanted the divorce. Despite all the pain he caused me, we were both resolved.

So, another happy story here. I truly do wish it was the same for all of you.
I really just wanted to bump this story up because it gave me hope and I'd like this to happen... wish she still posted (I guess all is good or she maybe back here w/ a different ending).
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post #55 of 127 (permalink) Old 03-08-2012, 05:07 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Thank you for your kind words. There seems to be some strong women on this site. It also seems that the ones who tough it out and start to move forward with their lives are the ones that end up reconciling. I needed to do many of the things you are saying.....just so hard. I shouldn't complain as I think it would be much harder if i were pregnant. Gosh that had to be so stressful for you.

Chocolate course....how fun.

Thanks again for coming back to provide hope for others.
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post #56 of 127 (permalink) Old 03-10-2012, 06:17 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

We were apart one year and reconcilied on 1/29/12.

It is better and more mature and the communication has been exactly what was missing previously.

We had to travel the road we did to learn about ourselves by ourselves.

We both feel very lucky and blessed for a second chance.

ps: Most important of all is not to stuff any, I mean any, strong feelings no matter what your ego wants! Discuss everything!
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post #57 of 127 (permalink) Old 03-10-2012, 08:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Sparkles422 View Post
We were apart one year and reconcilied on 1/29/12.

It is better and more mature and the communication has been exactly what was missing previously.

We had to travel the road we did to learn about ourselves by ourselves.

We both feel very lucky and blessed for a second chance.

ps: Most important of all is not to stuff any, I mean any, strong feelings no matter what your ego wants! Discuss everything!
I'm happy you are doing well. Ill pray it just keeps getting better and better for you.
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post #58 of 127 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 11:25 AM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Wife and I were emotionally seperated for months, lived together but no connection.We were in MC and the whole time she was having an EA with old high school bf she looked up on fb,they even met together four times in a K-mart parking lot in the day(nothing physical happend,believe me).When I found out I demanded she cut it off,she refused.
I kicked her out,4-5 days later she was having a breakdown,she finally figured out OM only wanted her for one thing.In her mind it was too late,she knew she lost everything.When I found out she was on her way to the mental hospital I went and got her things and brought her home.
that was 6-7 weeks ago and she is still working hard to win me and the kids back and she is doing a good job at it,things can still be a little bumpy because me and the kids wonder if she will do something like this again,I really dont think she will.its getting better everyday and she goes out of her way to please me and I can feel a strong connetion with her now.She text me throughout the day and gives me a lot of attention.I thought we were done,I'm glad things are turnning out like they are.BTW,for her to have the EA,was TOTALLY out of character for her.She knows she was in fantasy land and hates herself for it.
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post #59 of 127 (permalink) Old 03-11-2012, 12:46 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

I agree with fatiguedfatherof4, however long it does take before any possible reconciliation attempt, do you know if you would be able to do it knowing that while you were apart, your husband probably had sex with other people? My and my husband separated 8 weeks ago, and already there is no way in hell I would ever touch him again. Just imagining him with somebody else, breaking his vows..... no, never again.
I don't think reconciliation is as easy as simply taking somebody back. It probably brings up lots of hostile feelings. Do you want to reconcile, in all honesty?
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post #60 of 127 (permalink) Old 03-12-2012, 10:52 PM
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Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

This may sound crazy, but I think I'd already resigned myself to STBXH having a PA so many times while we were still together (he had multiple EAs, and I was trying to mentally prepare myself for the rest). So now that we're living apart, and presumably headed to divorce with no desire on his part to reconcile, I know he's out there looking for freedom and fun.

If this is some kind of 'fog,' I think it will be harder for me to reconcile after the changing history he's done about our own relationship. If he really understands how his actions and words have affected me, and truly feels remorse, it will be easier to forget how he's tried to take away any positive memories about our relationship and turn it into garbage.
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