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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Reconciliation » How long were you apart before reconciling?

Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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Old 03-13-2012, 08:03 AM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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Originally Posted by chocolategeek View Post
One and a half years. I became pregnant with our third child during the third month of our separation.

The reconciliation is a success, but there is still a lot of room for growth as individuals and as a couple. We now have a date night every Saturday and we are loving that, but today I made a stupid mistake by waking him up after he had less than an hour's worth of sleep from editing a friend's film. :/

What triggered R for us was his finally letting go of the fear of truly loving himself, and then me. He had very low self-esteem and looked to other women to build himself up. I, too, had really low self-worth at the time and would look to him to validate myself.

It IS possible to have a successful R. But it takes prayers, a deeply positive mindset on your part, and taking good care of yourself while you are separated. The tricky part is you have to be okay with not reconciling. Release the need to control the outcome of your marriage to the Universe or to God. Recognize that the separation is an opportunity for growth for both of you.
I wish you the best. Your last paragraph really hits close.
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Old 03-13-2012, 11:41 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

In October 2010 my life changed. My marriage fell apart and I was an emotional wreck. My story is on this site My husband moved out into an apartment in December 2010. Throughout this time I was a mess, I could barely function. With the help of friends and my daughter I picked up the pieces and tried to figure things out. In Feb 2011 my husband and I decided that we really did love one another but we had some pretty big issues to resolve.

We have been living apart for almost 1 1/2 years, it's had it's good times and it's bad. I have grown alot and I have had time to reflect and see the mistakes that contributed to my marriage falling apart. I look back now and I realize that this is something I had to go through, I needed this to happen. I am a different person now, a stronger person and I am grateful for the people who have stood by me through my mess called life.

I am happy to report that my husband and I are starting " a new beginning". We just purchased a home together, a new start and we will be starting the living together process in June! I am excited, scared and a million other emotions.

Our relationship is much stronger now, he is my best friend. I look forward to many years with him, hopefully living together, maybe not.. who knows what the future holds. All I know is that I am going to live each day to the fullest

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Old 03-13-2012, 11:56 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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If this is some kind of 'fog,' I think it will be harder for me to reconcile after the changing history he's done about our own relationship. If he really understands how his actions and words have affected me, and truly feels remorse, it will be easier to forget how he's tried to take away any positive memories about our relationship and turn it into garbage.
Mine has done this too...I have seen a lot of remorse ... before he moved out. Since then not happening though. I need a change...
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Old 03-14-2012, 08:30 AM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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In October 2010 my life changed. My marriage fell apart and I was an emotional wreck. My story is on this site My husband moved out into an apartment in December 2010. Throughout this time I was a mess, I could barely function. With the help of friends and my daughter I picked up the pieces and tried to figure things out. In Feb 2011 my husband and I decided that we really did love one another but we had some pretty big issues to resolve.

We have been living apart for almost 1 1/2 years, it's had it's good times and it's bad. I have grown alot and I have had time to reflect and see the mistakes that contributed to my marriage falling apart. I look back now and I realize that this is something I had to go through, I needed this to happen. I am a different person now, a stronger person and I am grateful for the people who have stood by me through my mess called life.

I am happy to report that my husband and I are starting " a new beginning". We just purchased a home together, a new start and we will be starting the living together process in June! I am excited, scared and a million other emotions.

Our relationship is much stronger now, he is my best friend. I look forward to many years with him, hopefully living together, maybe not.. who knows what the future holds. All I know is that I am going to live each day to the fullest

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My goodness: my story is very similar except we actually divorced in July 2011 but we have reconcilied in January of 2012
What a journey, what a miracle! Took me by surprise, pleasantly and happily.
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Old 03-14-2012, 08:55 AM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

[QUOTE=Sparkles422;628583]My goodness: my story is very similar except we actually divorced in July 2011 but we have reconcilied in January of 2012
What a journey, what a miracle! Took me by surprise, pleasantly and happily.[/QUOTE

That was the super short story .. lol

I am trying to remember all the bad stuff happened 1 1/2 years ago, we are together, just not living together at the moment. This is the biggest step for me. Slowly we will be making the transition .. very slowly!

I wish you much luck on your adventure.. Theres is a reason why everything happens. I really do believe I had to go through all this. The experience has made me a stronger more independent person. It has made us a stronger couple
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Old 03-14-2012, 09:01 AM   #66 (permalink)
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[QUOTE=kgregory1011;628605]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparkles422 View Post
My goodness: my story is very similar except we actually divorced in July 2011 but we have reconcilied in January of 2012
What a journey, what a miracle! Took me by surprise, pleasantly and happily.[/QUOTE

That was the super short story .. lol

I am trying to remember all the bad stuff happened 1 1/2 years ago, we are together, just not living together at the moment. This is the biggest step for me. Slowly we will be making the transition .. very slowly!

I wish you much luck on your adventure.. Theres is a reason why everything happens. I really do believe I had to go through all this. The experience has made me a stronger more independent person. It has made us a stronger couple
So happy for you. Thanks for posting...another story to boost my hope. I will pray for your future together.
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Old 03-14-2012, 11:08 AM   #67 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

We need a "life after reconciliation" thread. I would love to get some advice from someone who has been there.
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Old 03-14-2012, 05:52 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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We need a "life after reconciliation" thread. I would love to get some advice from someone who has been there.
Ditto!

Im only 3 weeks into our reconciliation and its been one hell of a bumpy ride...i would soo love getting advice from someone who has gone thru it before.
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Old 03-14-2012, 07:13 PM   #69 (permalink)
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We need a "life after reconciliation" thread. I would love to get some advice from someone who has been there.
Start a thread under reconciliation titled something like support after reconciliation. Then folks like you and others can post on it.
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Old 03-14-2012, 09:11 PM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

We aren't living together yet He has his house and I have mine. He spends weekends at my house (he lives 45 min away)and stays at his house during the week (the commute to work from my house is way too long). We bought a big enough house (2800 sq ft) so that we could each have our "own" space. We are going to take our time moving back in together
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Old 03-14-2012, 09:13 PM   #71 (permalink)
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Ditto!

Im only 3 weeks into our reconciliation and its been one hell of a bumpy ride...i would soo love getting advice from someone who has gone thru it before.
Bumpy ride?

Thats what I am scared of.
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Old 03-15-2012, 11:42 PM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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Thank you for your kind words. There seems to be some strong women on this site. It also seems that the ones who tough it out and start to move forward with their lives are the ones that end up reconciling. I needed to do many of the things you are saying.....just so hard. I shouldn't complain as I think it would be much harder if i were pregnant. Gosh that had to be so stressful for you.

Chocolate course....how fun.

Thanks again for coming back to provide hope for others.
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We need to encourage and comfort other people who are going through rough times in their marriage. Friends who listened and comforted me were those who helped me most during my darkest days. Yes, it was doubly hard for me, being pregnant. But I forced myself to keep getting up and seeing the sun each day, and eventually I did really see the light--that everything that was happening was a pruning of sorts in my life. I was examining myself, what I had done wrong within the marriage, and vowing to change for the better whoever I ended up with.

Yes, my chocolate studies were fun. I now have my own chocolate business. Funny--I found my life's passion at a time when I thought my love for life had died within me. It is hard, sad, but not impossible. Keep forcing yourself to walk forward, and soon you will be running. On days when all you feel like is sulking, get out all the ugly feelings with a good hard, cry. And then dust yourself off, stand tall, chin up. And smile. We are all still so blessed.
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Old 03-16-2012, 12:04 AM   #73 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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Bumpy ride?

Thats what I am scared of.
It is going to be bumpy. Those first few months together will have you questioning sometimes if it was the right thing to do, to reconcile. But keep on. It's a matter of maintaing that delicate balance of the elements of love--honesty, tact, confidence, humility, spending time with each other, giving time for yourself.

Know when to speak to your spouse about something, and know when to leave well alone until heads are cool. Always put the marriage first and operate from a place of confidence and faith--not from fear and doubt.
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Old 03-16-2012, 03:23 PM   #74 (permalink)
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We need to encourage and comfort other people who are going through rough times in their marriage. Friends who listened and comforted me were those who helped me most during my darkest days. Yes, it was doubly hard for me, being pregnant. But I forced myself to keep getting up and seeing the sun each day, and eventually I did really see the light--that everything that was happening was a pruning of sorts in my life. I was examining myself, what I had done wrong within the marriage, and vowing to change for the better whoever I ended up with.

Yes, my chocolate studies were fun. I now have my own chocolate business. Funny--I found my life's passion at a time when I thought my love for life had died within me. It is hard, sad, but not impossible. Keep forcing yourself to walk forward, and soon you will be running. On days when all you feel like is sulking, get out all the ugly feelings with a good hard, cry. And then dust yourself off, stand tall, chin up. And smile. We are all still so blessed.
You are a very smart lady. I'm learning exactly what you said in the first paragraph in the divorce care class I'm taking. Exactly that we all have something to offer as support or knowledge to others in need and if we offer it, we will be rewarded back with comfort.

Congrats on your new business and how amazing you conquered this at your hardest times.


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Old 03-16-2012, 09:40 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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You are a very smart lady. I'm learning exactly what you said in the first paragraph in the divorce care class I'm taking. Exactly that we all have something to offer as support or knowledge to others in need and if we offer it, we will be rewarded back with comfort.

Congrats on your new business and how amazing you conquered this at your hardest times.


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Thank you, dear. We are all stronger than we think. We are loved every moment by a Higher Power even though our present circumstances may seem otherwise. Every setback, every challenge, every obstacle is really an opportunity for learning, growth, and doing better the next time around.

Hugs to you and all the others here who are in pain or afraid, anxious, and excited all at the same time about reconciling. And to those who have reconciled, keep the faith.
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