Thank you so much for saying this, i really needed to hear this from someone who has gone thru the same situation and made it to the end victoriously.
Chocolate, you're an inspiration and i hope your marriage will continue to prosper with much love and stronger bond. xoxo
You're welcome, DownUnder.
You know what? We are, each of us, a work in progress as long as we are alive. Growth and learning must never stop. To this day, my husband and I still have frustrations about each other. We still get annoyed with each other. We still argue. And now that we are running a fledgling business together, another dimension has been added to the relationship that wasn't there before. So that's more things to disagree about.
BUT. There's a difference now. Almost a year into our reconciliation, we bounce back from every argument knowing that we deeply love each other, and that divorce is not an option. We don't always say it. We just know it in our hearts. And we don't fight about the past anymore, about his EAs and PAs. That's not fair. If you gave the marriage a chance, you should consciously keep moving forward with forgiveness--for both your sakes. I know it's not easy, but it can be done.
Couples that have reconciled do not have a challenge-free marriage, although it may look like it from the outside. We're just people who've learned to keep our hearts wide open. Life is full of challenges every single day. (By the way, I stopped using the word "problem" last year. I didn't like the way it weighed me down whenever I thought of it and said it. In its place, I now use the word "challenge." It's a lot more positive and always reminds me that we can overcome.)
And speaking of overcome, I had to get through a TON of trust issues with our marriage. He had EAs, PAs. I didn't think I could trust him ever again. But here we are. And something really feels different about us now. I feel like I am genuinely in love with him as a person, and not just the idea of him as a husband. I always wondered why I rarely laughed a real belly laugh during our marriage, the laugh that just has you shaking from the depths with the release of good emotions. I realized that it was because I had an undercurrent of unhappiness within me: I was unhappy first with myself, and I was also unhappy with him. I felt like he was cheating on me, and it turns out I was right. Yet I let it go on. I didn't stand up for myself until I just exploded with hurt and anger and kicked him out.
These days I have the most amazing belly laughs when we are together. It feels so good. I told him this last week, said that our relationship felt lighter, that I couldn't quite figure out what it was, but that something that was previously burdening the marriage had gone away. I was pleasantly surprised by his answer: "The lies. The lies and the dark secrets that I kept from you are all gone. I thank God that we are back together. I cannot imagine a life without you."
Again, DownUnder, thank you for the well wishes. I pray for the healing of your marriage and all the other people that are hurting as well. You guys are in my thoughts.