How long were you apart before reconciling?
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Reconciliation » How long were you apart before reconciling?

Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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Old 04-28-2011, 06:19 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How long were you apart before reconciling?

1) How long were you apart before reconciling?

2) Is the reconciliation a success or still working on it?

3) What triggered reconciliation?
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Old 04-28-2011, 08:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

My parents were apart for over 5 years

They divorced because my dad was an alcoholic

After reconciliation they are still together 25 years later
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Old 05-15-2011, 06:44 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

We were seperated about 6 weeks before I let him move back in. It took less than 2 weeks and he's gone again. Don't think reconciliation is going to work for us. Too much emotional pain that I don't think he's willing to work on. H doesn't feel marriage should be that much hard work
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Old 05-15-2011, 10:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

It has been one month and a few days for my husband and I and its killing me. I'm ready to reconcile but he is.unfortunately not at the moment. I'm doing my best to give him space but its hard. So, well see.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Suzy,
You may think you are ready to reconcile, but are you sure? I'm no expert but I don't think a month is long enough. True, honest changes take a while to become habit and if you move too quickly there is a good chance that you both will revert back to the old behaviors that caused the separation to begin with.

In answer to the original question, my H & I have been separated almost 3 months and we have not discussed reconciliation, but we also have not discussed divorce.
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Old 05-18-2011, 11:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Well, looks like we weren't ready. Divorce is just around the corner for me. I hope the separation works for all of you. It certainly did not for us. My husband found a new freedom with no problems and he ran with it. And I just have to live with it. Like Jellybeans says in another post, I dont regret giving every inch of my soul, in trying to fix our marriage, I wish he would have tried, but oh well. I just hope the hurt goes away soon!!! It's suffocating.
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Old 05-19-2011, 08:57 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

It will go away, it will just take time. I know your probably sick of hearing that, but it's true.

Also, there is no such thing as a life without problems. Your H may be feeling like he is living this exciting, free life but he will come crashing down, mark my words. You can't be married as long as you 2 have without feeling some sort of pain. He is in a fog right now, and once that fog lifts and reality sinks in, he'll be a hurting individual.
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Old 05-19-2011, 12:39 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

So thus far, there is only one reconciliation story posted on this thread...
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Old 05-19-2011, 04:08 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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So thus far, there is only one reconciliation story posted on this thread...
It could be that when the reconciliation happens, most people stop posting to sites like this. I would guess that most people come here looking for advice, insight, or a means to vent about their situation.

I'm hoping to work on the reconciliation, so it would be nice to hear some success stories. I just don't know how many we'll hear.
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Old 05-20-2011, 10:53 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Sadsuzy, I fought so hard for my marriage too...never in m wildest dreams did I ever think I would wake u one day and not have my husband by my side. Its painful and it hurts, but its the cards we need to work with. My ex also didnt try not one bit....he was so checked out and walked out one day and I had no clue it was on his mind for yrs!!!! I felt like i was fighting against a brick wall...nothign i said would change his mind....so I had to let him go. It took him weeks to become a full on bachelor again and go back to being 21.
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Old 05-29-2011, 12:24 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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It could be that when the reconciliation happens, most people stop posting to sites like this. I would guess that most people come here looking for advice, insight, or a means to vent about their situation.
Absolutely true.
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Old 05-30-2011, 08:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

I have been fighting for my marriage now for over a year. Physically separated now for 4 months from my home and children. I am pouring everything I can into saving my marriage. You get one chance at this life, one chance at having a happy family and I am hell-bent on reversing this living nightmare back to what was once the happiest point in our lives together. I just feel sometimes as if I am the only one fighting for our lives together. Does anyone have any advise to getting your wife on board to at-least give some effort. We were once best friends, laughed and lived life to the fullest. It is like living a nightmare now with the isolation I feel from her now. This by far is the most patience challenging moment in my entire life. I keep thinking that she will eventually realize that life is such a fragile journey we take together and that we both need to look at this moment together to learn and grow from to what will eventually be a very happy ending which will be keeping our family together and thriving on life together not apart.
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Old 05-31-2011, 09:58 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

No, just because there is reconcilliation does not mean the work is done and all is bliss.
My 'wife' and I got back together after being apart for almost 2 years.... and that was 10 years ago. We have still not yet been remarried after all these years.... its on our to do list (we now have 4 children!)!
For the most part we are happy but the problem I'm having is, even after more than 10 years it still hurts that in the time we were separated she slept with over a dozen men that I absolutely know of.
I hoped it would get easier to deal with after years gone by but still its very painful. I get the whole routine of,"we werent together!" but half these men were married.
Before you take your spouse back... man or woman.... make sure you are willing to live with what they have done and have been doing while you were apart. It's not gonna go away or get easier to deal with so make sure.... 100% for sure!
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Old 06-03-2011, 11:41 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

I'm at a stage right now of confusion if I still want to give it a shot or not. My wife has moved on tremendously fast and she said (I knew through mutual friends) that she has been hanging on for dear life for the past 3 years and I didnt even know...

I have those days of "Yes, I will do anything and try until I die to get her back and save the marriage", and "Hell no, unless she stops stepping on my dignity I wont"...

There are also days that I'm not even sure if I want to go back even if she wants to...

This may just be a phase of separation that we all need to go through...

Ours is a month long now and it is getting easier everyday for me... I guess I just have to make that one decision with no turning back.
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Old 06-04-2011, 08:13 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

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Originally Posted by sadsuzy View Post
Well, looks like we weren't ready. Divorce is just around the corner for me. I hope the separation works for all of you. It certainly did not for us. My husband found a new freedom with no problems and he ran with it. And I just have to live with it. Like Jellybeans says in another post, I dont regret giving every inch of my soul, in trying to fix our marriage, I wish he would have tried, but oh well. I just hope the hurt goes away soon!!! It's suffocating.
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I agree with DelinquentGirl.

Initially my husband also found incredible freedom when we separated and he was out all the time, and the freedom was wonderful he said. He also said he didn't realise how much stress he was always under in our marriage. So, all that stress went away when we separated, and he decided on getting a divorce.

Now that I haven't been in his picture for 8 weeks at all, his stress has come back, and this time with a vengeance.

People put the responsibility of the stress on the other person (spouse), but really it's just them at the end of the day. I guess its human nature really to always blame someone else for feeling the way they do. Hell, I'm guilty of that as well (and working hard to get rid of that mentality!)

I've come to realise it all comes back - just in a different form unless we choose to deal with ourselves and take full responsibility of ourselves.
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