Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Orlando, Florida
Re: Any 180 success stories????
I'll have a go at the meaning of reconciliation.
When it comes to marriage, it (reconciliation) means to incrementally return to the intimacy, or closeness of the marriage. Intimacy is closeness that shares the true soul of each other with one another.
Intimacy involves vulnerability. Vulnerability involves risk. Risk has the potential for devastating pain. There is also the potential for overwhelming joy, affection, and happiness.
That is where trust comes in. If trust is strongly present in your Relationship, then there is safety in vulnerability.
The hard thing is that many spouses have learned to put walls up in order to protect themselves.
In this "dog-eat-dog" world where fighting tooth and claw preserves you against the next guy who only wants to crush you on his (selfish) way to the top, or it just is not safe to bare your soul to others - we learn to pretend we are strong, when we are just trying to preserve ourselves.
Most of us have been put-down, made fun of, spitefully used, abandoned, and/or manipulated. At one time or another, in some degree these ills have befallen us.
Competition can create toughness and contests of wills.
These are part of life. An intimate marriage is not absolutely free of these challenges, or free of conflict. But, there is trust enough to navigate these challenges safely... handle conflict with cooperation to come to resolution. Reconciliation back to a place of safety and understanding.
There is more to reconciling than forgiveness and apologizing. It means bringing two people closer together once again. It means to resolve differences by doing what ever it takes to remove the source and root of problems.
And, it means acceptance of who they are as a person. There is safety in acceptance if the other person has genuine intentions.
Promising to change, begging for a second chance, all the apologies in the world do not restore trust. Working towards understanding each other and having workable safety within a relationship will bring reconciliation.
36Separated, you seem like you are a safe enough person in all this. At this point, she does not seem safe.
I hope the best for you! You may not be able make her safe. She may be in it for herself without the willingness to reconcile.
If that is the case, be civil, respectful, and minimize the damage she may bring about. I hope that you will come out of this a stronger, character filled man.