Any 180 success stories???? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #16 of 309 (permalink) Old 10-10-2011, 04:03 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

I have decided to take the 180 approach and didn't even know it until I saw all these post. My H told me a week ago that he didn't think he was in love with me anymore. On Friday, he told me he wanted to split up. He doesn't want to try and solve our issues. He wants to make a decision on his own. I realized today that I can't wait for him to decide what to do with my life. I depend on him for everything so being alone scares me...alot. But i have a 12 year old daughter that I can't let down and that is my focus now. No more playing into my H's hands. If he wants to split up, I won;t fight him anymore. I am going to go out and start living because that is what I need to do for myself.

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post #17 of 309 (permalink) Old 11-26-2011, 06:42 PM
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Where do I find out info on doing a 180? I need specifics.

Thank you.
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post #18 of 309 (permalink) Old 12-06-2011, 09:17 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Is this forum the primary source for the 180 or is there a better forum to get more info on the 180? Been trying to find it with no luck.
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post #19 of 309 (permalink) Old 01-04-2012, 01:51 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

The 180 is basically exactly what is says...it's a 180 for your attitude.

Instead of being needy, you become independent
Instead of stalking/calling constantly, you leave them in the dark
Instead of languishing on the couch bemoaning your pitiful existence, you take care of yourself and have fun

EVEN IF ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE THE ABSOLUTE LAST THINGS YOU WANT TO DO! (given your situation )

Keep in mind that all of these things are done for your benefit; they're not intended to win your significant other back. However, the sudden change in your demeanor might make them curious and be the impetus for R.

Also, dont deviate from the plan...it's like a diet for your emotions! Stick to it or it won't work!

Here's a link, I got it from Elegirl's sig, so thank her

http://http://www.network54.com/Foru...891381/The+180

Good luck and stay strong.
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post #20 of 309 (permalink) Old 01-17-2012, 03:40 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

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Originally Posted by Ten_year_hubby View Post
The 180 worked great for me (so far). About 3 1/2 months ago my w told me she didn't love me after 10 years of marriage. I went through some serious emotional upheaval for about 10 days until I decided on the 180 and completely detached from her. While I was losing weight, getting fit, feeling and looking great, she escalated our conflict and made herself more and more miserable. When she finally served me with divorce papers I took the kids on a week vacation at the shore. The day after we returned, I asked my w to meet at 7AM. Then I told her we would sell the house, she could have half of everything and we would split custody at 3 1/2 days each. She argued and complained but I said I was sure I could get this and it was a precisely equal split. She went off and thought about it for 8 hours and came back saying she wanted to work things out. And that's what we're doing
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how is it going now?
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post #21 of 309 (permalink) Old 06-07-2012, 08:14 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Hello everybody this is my first time in dealing with anything like this in our 16 years of marriage. I came home from Iraq in the beginning of May at which time I did not have any idea what was going on. We went to Cozumel for ten days in order to spend our anniversary together. While we were there she recieved a skype call from a guy that she had told me that he was only a friend. So I did not think anything about this because she had never cheated on me before this.
Well after we got back from vacation I left and went to see my family without her because she had to go back to work so I thought and at this time I was suppose to go back to Iraq Memorial Day weekend. So I was going to come back from my parents house on Thursday so we could spend the last couple of days together before I left. But on Tuesday I found out that I did not have the paperwork to go back so I am still here. Well every since Memorial day we have been arguing over one thing or another because I was asking her if she would be able to work this out. She kept telling me that she did not know if she could.

Well last Friday I did find out that there was another guy involved and we had another argument about him. I told her that if she wanted to try to make our marriage work she needed to stop all communications with him. I also told her that I was going to quit my job in Iraq so I could stay here to work on our marriage even after all this. She did not stop talking to him. I was still willing to not give up on us but all we have been doing since I found out about is argue. She will not come out and tell me if she wants to be with him or me.

She told me that is was over when we were in such a heated argument that even involved her parents. Because I spoke to her parents and she believes that I turned her whole family against her. They are not happy with her because of the situation.

So I finally realized that I can not stay with her in the same house right now so we have our camper on a camp grounds so I packed up to stay there for the next week because I have to go to Virigina next wednesday and Thursday. I also went and opened my own bank account so I can put my paycheck into that account. I did this to keep her from taking my money and buying that guy and his three kids things. I am also going to tell her that she will need to pay her car payment, part of the insurance and phone bill or get her own.
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post #22 of 309 (permalink) Old 06-07-2012, 01:41 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Sorry this is happening to you. I found out a year ago in Feb that my W wanted to divorce. 17 year marriage and this came out of left field. I did many wrong things at first, but then learned about the 180. The first time I told her I saw our marriage was troubled and I agreed if she wanted to D, then we should do it. She broke down and asked if I was checking out. Went to MC, worked on it for a year. She even seperated in a heated moment which lasted 4 months. I 180 the best I could, but she agreed to MC and eventually came home.

She knew I never wanted to end it, but I had a limit to the limboland of seperation. We are much better now and wedding bands are back on, intimacy is back, even a trip away.

What do you want? If you want the marriage to be saved, then my advice is to read Divorce Busting. Helped me understand the Mid Life Crisis and Walk Away Wife. The built up resentment and thoughts of aging can send them into a fog. It can lift, but patience is critical.

I wish you well!
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post #23 of 309 (permalink) Old 06-07-2012, 03:19 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

I am not willing to give up on what we have had in the last 17 years we have been together but she is not wanting to leave the other guy yet. He has her head filled full of s**t and believing that I do not love her. I have started the 180 and the first thing I did was open my own bank account to make her to have try and stand on her own two feet in order to see can figure out what she is about to lose. I moved out and am currently living in our camper until I go back to Iraq for the last two months of my contract. I talked to her sister and she has even shut her out of her life for that last two to three months. Before that she was always with her sister or calling her that has stopped. She said the other yesterday that I turned her family against her and she told her mother that she was her best friend. Her mom told her if she was her best friend why did she not come to her to talk about what was going on.

Thanks for that first link very nice I am going to share it.
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post #24 of 309 (permalink) Old 06-07-2012, 07:16 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Sounds like you are enforcing some real life, slap-her-in-the-face consequences for her actions.

are you not willing to give up the person she is now, or the person you thought she was these past 17 years? If your perception has changed in this regard (viewing her as she is now), I think you're doing the right thing for yourself. Don't minimize the fact that this was HER choice (and not just him preying on an innocent woman).
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post #25 of 309 (permalink) Old 06-07-2012, 08:18 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

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Originally Posted by Matt1720 View Post
Sounds like you are enforcing some real life, slap-her-in-the-face consequences for her actions.

are you not willing to give up the person she is now, or the person you thought she was these past 17 years? If your perception has changed in this regard (viewing her as she is now), I think you're doing the right thing for yourself. Don't minimize the fact that this was HER choice (and not just him preying on an innocent woman).
I am not willing to give up on her even though she is constantly trying to pick a fight every time we talk. I know that the person who is trying to start a fight every time we are together is her I believe it is coming from him because everytime we argue he either tell her that it is all my fault or if we are fight about something on facebook he will privatize his page then delete everything that leads to him and her being together because he is trying to keep it a secret but it is to late for that.

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post #26 of 309 (permalink) Old 06-07-2012, 09:11 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

I was amrried 24 years, I took up the 180 from BD almost a year ago, she left three days later and I've been almost totally NC since then....it hasn't made a bit of difference as far as my marriage goes, she's still gone. It has helped me though get through this and rebuild myself.
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post #27 of 309 (permalink) Old 06-09-2012, 04:57 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

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You know, the funny thing to me about the 180 is that it's more about taking control of your life, rather than taking control of the destiny of the marriage. Someone I knew asked me, "so, you're going to do this 180 thing? You think that'll get her back on board with you?"
I said, "getting her back on board with me is only going to happen if she wants it to happen. I'm doing the 180 for me."

So I'm doing this for me. No more doting on her. No more coddling her. No more hanging on her every word. I'm making myself my own person.

And hopefully, in doing that, I'll be more desirable, and she'll remember why she wanted me in the first place. But to me it's not the goal. It's a bonus.
There's a lot here that resonates for me. When I became stronger and clearer about my needs and stopped thinking that I could fix things....We started to reconnect. Not romantically at first but on a basic human/friendship respect level. Then came the possibility of seeing the other romantically. It was tough because he needed lots of time and compassion for the sh%t storm of emotions he had to sort through because of my affair but we made it.
Now our relationship is stronger, more honest, no more biting the inside of the cheek because it's just toomuch work to talk things through....it's harder, more work but much more real. I'm so grateful to have been afforded a chance to find him again. and I am very fortunate that he has been able to overcome the feelings of betrayal and reconnect with me. We both wanted to come together again very badly and both left our egos at the door to do so. Reconciling takes compassion for each other's pain, understanding for each other's needs, and humility to accept our share of the road that lead to the dysfunction in the first place.
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post #28 of 309 (permalink) Old 06-09-2012, 05:24 AM
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There's a lot here that resonates for me. When I became stronger and clearer about my needs and stopped thinking that I could fix things....We started to reconnect. Not romantically at first but on a basic human/friendship respect level. Then came the possibility of seeing the other romantically. It was tough because he needed lots of time and compassion for the sh%t storm of emotions he had to sort through because of my affair but we made it.
Now our relationship is stronger, more honest, no more biting the inside of the cheek because it's just toomuch work to talk things through....it's harder, more work but much more real. I'm so grateful to have been afforded a chance to find him again. and I am very fortunate that he has been able to overcome the feelings of betrayal and reconnect with me. We both wanted to come together again very badly and both left our egos at the door to do so. Reconciling takes compassion for each other's pain, understanding for each other's needs, and humility to accept our share of the road that lead to the dysfunction in the first place.
The latest thing that I have is moved out of the house and she has reached out to me on several times in the last couple of days and we have been able to talk without arguing. I know that she is still talking to him but I think that after her talk with her father she starting to think about what she doing. I also believe that she has talked a female friend of hers who went through the same thing with her ex husband.
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post #29 of 309 (permalink) Old 06-09-2012, 06:54 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Define "success". The purpose of the 180 is to prepare YOU for moving on with or without your spouse. Not to get your spouse to recognize the errors in their way and come running back to you.

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post #30 of 309 (permalink) Old 06-09-2012, 07:55 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

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Define "success". The purpose of the 180 is to prepare YOU for moving on with or without your spouse. Not to get your spouse to recognize the errors in their way and come running back to you.

C
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Although it can be the result of the positive changes from the 180.
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