Any 180 success stories???? - Page 21 - Talk About Marriage
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post #301 of 309 (permalink) Old 12-05-2012, 09:07 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

To me, once D is final, there's no more 180. For your situation at least. You seem to want 180 to work in positive directions for R. Which is understandable.

Once D is final, it's no longer cat and mouse. Stop doing what you're dong, heal and be yourself. FIND yourself again if you have to.

Time. Patience... all that good stuff. Use this time wisely, to better yourself.

Just my opinion.

I have to sign my papers tomorrow, or Fri. I'll be at a friends house all day waiting on a package.

Stbxw stipulated "I'd rather not fix what we had, in hind sight I wasn't that happy with it. If you're going to be in my life, I'd rather it be new and better" I told her "I agree, I don't want what we had, I want better as well" She said "Sign the papers and lets see where we go from there"

In the last few days, since i removed my threads and started some serious self reflection, I can see where she was unhappy.

I can be better. I WILL be better. May not be with her in the end, but at least I'll know my grounds when I meet someone else.

36, life ain't over bro. WHO KNOWS what tomorrow will bring? Tomorrow, should be taken as "strides" it could be months, years... who knows. You may find someone totally better for you and think "WOW, why was I so fked up about ex?"

Or... you know, it's possible you may find your way back together. Just as people can grow apart, people can also grow together!

"It's not about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can GET HIT and keep moving forward"
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post #302 of 309 (permalink) Old 12-07-2012, 02:42 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Originally Posted by 36Separated View Post
Can the 180 be used after divorce? Yes to better myslef and that is the main reason as it is over, but has it ever help R
I cannot speak from experience. However, I have good friends who did in fact remarry after years of divorce. It took something very important that both of them needed to help each other through - only that one person had the answer for how to help the other. Their young son died in a car accident. Only he, and only she could truly help the other through the tragedy.

I don't think that a life situation has to be as tragic as that to bring a divorced couple back together again. However, both have to admit the wrongs done, the good and bad, realize the value of the good, and strive to work together to change the bad.

If there was one challenge to face together... in which she could only turn to you for help, then that could be the sort of 'cause' that could be the frame work for working it out.

Does the 180 work. I think it can and does, if the other person is reasonable. The 180 helps you to take time to cool off and prepare the "good" and the "bad" in your mind so you know what you are fighting for. Also, it helps you not to be desperate and begging for them to return.

I advocate having a real support system in place so you can have what it takes to really feel good about doing a 180. I think that a husband should only have to do a 180 if his wife will not reasonably listen to him after a cooling off period.

I know that unless an estranged spouse is a total sociopath, the jolt of the 180 does bring about internal angst and reconsideration. We want those things that elude us and mysteriously change despite us.

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post #303 of 309 (permalink) Old 12-08-2012, 06:04 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

I dont expect us to ever re-marry each other. I would just like to get to the point where we start to date again, just to see if it could work

STOLE: Pain + Resistance = Suffering Pain + Acceptance = Healing Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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post #304 of 309 (permalink) Old 12-14-2012, 12:56 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Originally Posted by 36Separated View Post
I dont expect us to ever re-marry each other. I would just like to get to the point where we start to date again, just to see if it could work

Do you have a plan for this?

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post #305 of 309 (permalink) Old 12-14-2012, 01:37 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Yes, it can work. Mostly for you, as that's what it's about. If it leads to R and you still want it, cool. If not, you are already healing and in a better spot than you would have been without doing the 180.

I'm seeing it work as I speak. After discovery I was a complete mess. Whiny, sobby 'how could you do this to me" sloppy mess. Started the 180 plus six IC sessions in and yesterday my counselor told me how impressed he is with my progress.

A month ago my stbxw was telling me she's no longer attracted to me, has to be drunk to want sex, I make her feel so unloved that she can't even get herself off, doesn't feel any warmth when I hug her, etc. No apologies for anything.

Since 180 she's been sending me multiple apology emails (I didn't respond), telling me I can sleep in the bed if I feel like it "for your back" (I'm not), sitting super close to me on the couch (with knee up over my leg) even during D papers review. She's been crying a lot and was visibly shaken when I changed my FB status to "It's Complicated".

I quit drinking but haven't mentioned it and now she's drinking less. She's moving out next weekend but now wants to spend the night here Xmas eve so she can be here when kiddo wakes up Xmas morning, and asked if she can stay and cook me Xmas dinner afterward - asking me what I'd like her to cook. I told her "I like your food, but if you want to do that you have to pick the meal".

I've bought new clothes and contacts. The other day she passed me in the hall and said, "Dam you smell good. #*$^".

D should be final right before my birthday - Valentine's Day. So yesterday I asked her if she would take the night off work to babysit kiddo so I can go out. She agreed.

Now I got up this morning and see that she was listening to Nine Inch Nails - Closer, last night. She left it up, knowing I'd see it. lol.

She knows what she has to do if wants me to consider taking her back - prove that she's cut off contact with OM, give me her FB password (which I offered too), and change shifts so she can spend more than an hour or so a day with me and kiddo.
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post #306 of 309 (permalink) Old 04-26-2013, 08:05 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Originally Posted by lulubelle View Post
what are the problems in your relationship? does she feel neglected or unloved? if that's the case, 180 will not help! if reccomend you read the 5 languages of love. that may help you figure out what type of love she needs. maybe try giving her space and fixing yourself, but also perform random acts of kindness. write down a list of all the things you love and apprieciate about her and put it on her drivers seat of her car. do things you know will make her happy a few times a week with no expectation of anything in return.
Im glad you stated this. I too have been thinking about implementing 180; but have been on the fence about it. My STXH says that I often ignored him. I must admit at times , I did. I am a talker big time..but in the recent loss of my mom, a near tragic accident involving my children, only seasonal work for the past few years...uhhh a sisters been at a loss for words. He says he's done, has moved out BUT contacts me morning, noon, and night. Ive been the rock for everyone my entire life. After these major events...the rock became mere pebbles and felt there was no one running to help pick up my pieces, so i shut down. I honestly feel like if 19 yrs is over, the 3 children , and all we've endured dont count. ..then to heck with it. I will survive. I do however want to at least give it a try. But I feel going 180 on someone who already feels ignored may be adding fuel to the fire
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post #307 of 309 (permalink) Old 06-16-2013, 08:59 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Originally Posted by tombaby View Post
36, I feel your pain. I'm going through the same thing. Deep down we still love those women and they know it. We need to be unavailable, but we keep being drug back in. Even when it's long overdue and we know we need to stay away, set boundaries, but they still have a way about them. We cling to the notion of friendship because in reality we hope someday it might click. That she will be like, Oh man, you really are the man I love let's fix this.

I don't envy you. Mine wants to go the Pumpkin Patch with the kids today. I told her I wasn't sure. I want to see her, but in reality i'll just be setting myself up for another let down. letting my mind run rampant if she's acting happy or if she's sad. I know she's both, and I know she's made up her mind, so I need to distance myself. Hopefully, you'll be able to do the same.
Did she have an affair? I know a lot of guys on TAM have their wives leave due to an affair, but mine is leaving me so she can go be in control of her own life. So, she's leaving me for someone, but it's herself. I'm still seeing a lot of the same stuff. Everything was my fault, she's the victim, etc. She's a total WAW, where she's saying I didn't hear how unhappy she was, but as I think back, I've done so much for this woman and her kids (my step-kids), that her telling me she's done and pulling sh1t to make her look good for ending it and me like the bad guy just really hurts so much. And unfortunately, it rings true with so many stories on TAM.

I'm wondering if my situation is slightly different because there was no affair, other than the one she wants to have with herself and without me. Mine might be a little different too, because this is second marriage for both of us, we have no kids together and we have children from our first marriages.

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post #308 of 309 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 05:26 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Hi as a man how did you confirm you can win your kids 3 1/2 days? I'm may be going through this soon and want my kids half the time I'm just to close to them to do every other week.
Originally Posted by Ten_year_hubby View Post
The 180 worked great for me (so far). About 3 1/2 months ago my w told me she didn't love me after 10 years of marriage. I went through some serious emotional upheaval for about 10 days until I decided on the 180 and completely detached from her. While I was losing weight, getting fit, feeling and looking great, she escalated our conflict and made herself more and more miserable. When she finally served me with divorce papers I took the kids on a week vacation at the shore. The day after we returned, I asked my w to meet at 7AM. Then I told her we would sell the house, she could have half of everything and we would split custody at 3 1/2 days each. She argued and complained but I said I was sure I could get this and it was a precisely equal split. She went off and thought about it for 8 hours and came back saying she wanted to work things out. And that's what we're doing
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post #309 of 309 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 07:10 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

@Hayday, welcome to TAM.

You have added your post to a thread that deals with an entirely different topic and which is four years old.

I think it would be a good idea to re-post your question in your own, new thread. (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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