Any 180 success stories???? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

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post #61 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 11:05 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

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I'm was trying to save my marriage, but i'm losing the will. 4 weeks from when she said she had been to a solicitor to start divorce, i still havent heard anything, i checked with the courts - nothing logged as yet. Today I spoke to my soliciotr and ask them to contact them to see what is ahppening.

As for me and my wife, its up and down... most days i get the friendly smiling wife, on sat we talked fro around 20mins, I told her i wont defend the divorce if she 100% and ill make it as quick as poss, she said she needed time to think ???
If I was in your shoes (yes I know it is easy to say this from where I am sitting) I would file and make her chase you! Don't tell her, just do it! Speak only to her about the children and the D PERIOD!

She can't respect you, because it seems like she is in control!

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post #62 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 11:07 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

36Separated,

Losing the will to keep fighting for your marriage is understandable. Do you have a real close friend of whom you can get emotional support? Moral support can be a good help when you feel like you are losing the will to fight.

Since the divorce papers are not registered yet, she is smiling, and both of you are talking then it seems to me that there is hope for both of you to work out your problems - outside of the court room. If the divorce is not in motion, and she says she needs time to think, then my advice to you is to allow her to do just that.

It sounds to me like you are doing this the right way. If you stay strong, with the support of a good friend, then it is very doable to wait for her to think this through.

Let me know if you agree or disagree.

Here's hoping the best for you.

RP.

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post #63 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 11:09 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

36 separated,

Is she a controlling woman?

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post #64 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 11:14 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

If my wife told me she needed "time to think" Id be investigating for another man in her life! It is part of the "script" Do some research on here, it is said time and again by WW.
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post #65 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 11:22 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

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If my wife told me she needed "time to think" Id be investigating for another man in her life! It is part of the "script" Do some research on here, it is said time and again by WW.
Understanding your spouse is key. If your spouse has shown signs of infidelity, or had infidelity in the past then, yes, good idea. However, if I heard that from my wife, I would take her at her word and give her the time to think. Some times cynicism is smart, sometimes it causes unnecessary conflict and pain.

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Last edited by Rough Patch Sewing; 08-28-2012 at 11:36 AM. Reason: Rephrasing
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post #66 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 11:40 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

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If I was in your shoes (yes I know it is easy to say this from where I am sitting) I would file and make her chase you! Don't tell her, just do it! Speak only to her about the children and the D PERIOD!

She can't respect you, because it seems like she is in control!
36Separated,

Do you want respect from her that you have earned, or do you want her to be manipulated into giving to you.

Is true respect earned by being a man?

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post #67 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 11:45 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

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36Separated,

Do you want respect from her that you have earned, or do you want her to be manipulated into giving to you.

Is true respect earned by being a man?
Any respect gained is respect earned! There is no manipulation, if he is standing up and being the leader in his marriage!
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post #68 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 03:22 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Dont know of any other man in her life. I want her to repsect me. I dont want her back as things were, but I see where we both need to work.

Just to add, i feel this is all about her being in control

Last edited by 36Separated; 08-28-2012 at 03:29 PM.
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post #69 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 03:51 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

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Dont know of any other man in her life. I want her to repsect me. I dont want her back as things were, but I see where we both need to work.

Just to add, i feel this is all about her being in control

36Separated,

Do you want to earn her respect?

It follows that the action that will earn her respect should be respect worthy.

If you do respect worthy things... Things that are respect worthy whether she recognizes them or not, then you are worthy of respect. You can hold your head up high no matter what.

If she cannot respect you in those circumstances, then she will not be able to really be in control.

How certain are you that this is just a power play by her? Be certain. If you just do another power play, then you will not earn her respect. However, if you do treat her like a real woman and behave like a real man, then she will be the one who is at fault. Not you. Be strong, not through mind games but by doing a real 180. Understand the situation and her fully before threatening divorce.

If you were to threaten divorce for the sake of making her want you back, then if you have to hide that fact from her in order to gain respect, then you never really earned that respect.

Want to discover how to build relationship trust with your wife, and romance your wife back into your arms?
7 Marriage Saving Husband Habits ,
3 secrets to an intimate marriage, 5 ways to keep her attracted to you

Last edited by Rough Patch Sewing; 08-28-2012 at 04:04 PM. Reason: grammar
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post #70 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 04:50 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

Thank you Rough Patch Sewing

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post #71 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 05:27 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

You are welcome 36Separated,

I knew I was dealing with a real man when you said, "I still love my wife."

You took real ownership of your marriage when you said, "my wife."

Remember that!

Respect follows where respect leads.

Please keep me up to date. I check this thread every day.

RP.

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post #72 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-28-2012, 10:01 PM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

You think that this its still possible to sort our marraige RP?
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post #73 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-29-2012, 06:18 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

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You think that this its still possible to sort our marraige RP?
36Separated,

Absolutely! You have not decided against restoring the marriage - and making it whole, healthy, and much better than it has ever been.

I have a question for you. Can you accept the fact that you cannot change your wife? The marriage can be better even if you still feel like she is controlling?

These are important questions.

If you can say, "Yes!"

Then I believe you have what it takes to have the most amazing marriage, with a positively changed woman.

What I am really getting at is deeper than respect for each other. Lasting love is built on honoring each other... as is.

If getting her respect right now is not possible, can you go one step further and honor who she is as a person anyways?

She might not deserve your respect... you might not deserve her respect yet too.

The only way to get around this and make it work is to move beyond respect and embrace honoring her.

When you take ownership of honoring her... that means that you become the better person, and make it your mission to come to a deeper understanding of who she is as a person.

People with a high sense of honor inside them do what is right not because of personal benefit, but because they must do what is right. If you think that saving your marriage and providing a stable home for your family is the right thing to do, then do just that. How you feel right now is not the priority. That is why I stress getting a good friend who will listen to you and help you through frustration. Positive change flows from not giving up and not being selfish. You would not be a door mat because being strong is not an act, it is a strong inner sense of doing what is right.

Mind games often backfire, and will turn your mate against you. Be stable during an unsure time and she will be foolish not to grab it in this day and age.

Options of that caliber are few for many women. You can be the kind of man that is a man. Not a boy who is a player.

Tell you what. I don't know you, but my marriage went through very tough years. I felt controlled and manipulated by my wife and she felt the same from me. Honoring her no matter what really has changed both of us. Only then could we really seek personal and marital counseling together - counseling that really worked.

We have a really loving relationship now, and I feel as though she does not try to control things in our marriage. I gave up on trying to manipulate my way into getting things my way. It is very counter to what we are brought up to do in our day and age, but it is at the very center of positive change.

That is the foundation of my entire blog and site. It worked for me and my friends in their marriages so much that I had to start writing about it.

If you ever want to personal message me, please do. I will try to check it whenever possible and listen to what you have to say. I might be able to help you if you want it.

Let me know. I am not trying to solicit business from you. I just see that if you do not have a real good friend who has saved his marriage, then I may just be the next best thing.

So there you have it.

Hoping for a breakthrough,

RP.

Want to discover how to build relationship trust with your wife, and romance your wife back into your arms?
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3 secrets to an intimate marriage, 5 ways to keep her attracted to you

Last edited by Rough Patch Sewing; 08-29-2012 at 06:20 AM. Reason: grammar
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post #74 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-29-2012, 06:46 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

36Separated,

I also want to add that it is important to understand what problems added up to create the split in your marriage.

Understand what she did to contribute to the split and what you did to contribute to the split. You can work on those things that were your fault in light of understanding who she is as a person.

Very helpful in sorting out a marriage.

RP.

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post #75 of 309 (permalink) Old 08-29-2012, 08:38 AM
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Re: Any 180 success stories????

36Separated,

Dignity does not come from your wife. You have to know your true worth to have personal dignity. Your wife can hurt your pride all day long, but she cannot touch your dignity... if you don't let her.

If she is manipulative and controlling, then perhaps she is messing with your pride. However, by having self dignity, you can come clean to her about any mess up, or mistake she might be complaining about. Dignity helps you say, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me for x,y, and z" And, "Let's make this work."

If she still acts ugly towards you, then you know that it is coming from a place of hurt, pain, dissatisfaction that goes deeper than what she is complaining about.

That is why I say that it is so important to understand who she is. What she went through growing up. What makes her tick. This is the heavy ground from which you can ask her to open up to you.

Here's a hint: Most women want to connect relationally and if you allow her to open up to you like that, then there will be healing.

It may take lots of time, over a long time period, but positive change can happen. Trouble is, most of us have to drop our pride, while upholding our dignity in order to make it happen.

Hope this helps,

RP.

Want to discover how to build relationship trust with your wife, and romance your wife back into your arms?
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3 secrets to an intimate marriage, 5 ways to keep her attracted to you
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